well you married him. and you must've seen good things about them to marry them in the first place...
and well, sorry that didn't work out for you, but meh whatever man... they don't go from "ohhhh i love this and that" to "oh they have no redeeming qualities" cuz that isn't a reflection on them
thats a reflection on you

we are not defined by what happens to us.
we are defined by what we choose because of those events.

it is the permeating theme of everything that I have written on all of my threads....

accountability, responsibility, honour, integrity, truth, and do right at all times..

no one can offend us. we are offended because we choose it.
no one can hurt us, we choose to be hurt.

we live in a culture on this continent that is all about blaming everyone else, and so we never deal with our crap, and then we bring all that crap into the next relationship and duh it falls apart, and then we add that new baggage to the last baggage, and ta da!!!! new relationship and that doesn't work wow! really? why? i don't get it.....

and then we start to hear, "why do i always get a partner like.....<insert same statement here>" when obviously we're the one's choosing them, so we're the ones responsible... damn there is that responsibility and accountability thing again damn annoying isn't it?

no
i can look back on everyone one of my ex's and i remember their good qualities. Hell i had one ex that tried to kill me, and when i think of her, i remember her laugh, and her qualities which endeared her to me....

which is why i don't have neg things to say about my ex's, cuz if i'm saying them, i'm carrying them. They're sleeping fine.

i don't carry what doesn't belong to me. I like to travel light... not with an entire Louis Vuitton collection of baggage that needs a greyhound to carry it all....

we are responsible for our own wah...

jess, all of my threads are me mockin myself... you like to mock others at their expense,and then add high and mighty wanna be platitudes of psuedo spiritualism to seem enlightened, when all it looks like is you smoke too much pot

Thanks for sharing your assumptions, Living.....

Mirrors...fascinating things.

We were trying to get back on topic, Lil. What was the topic, again?

he did. he's totally NOT the man i married.i went from dating an honest, sweet, nice caring guy, to being married to an abuser who lies and cheats and no longer cares for his family. everything i found good in him before has become the complete opposite. maybe it was an act or maybe that guy is still in there somewhere, but how he's been ever since we finally married i think he's a jerk. kinda makes it hard to know what to believe. but yea, he used to be a good person. (does that count as a nice comment?)

i am conciously making the effort to deal with this now and get it out of the way so it wont be a factor in my next relationship. yea i talk about it alot at the moment, but it's what im dealing with at the moment. I'm not going to blame the next man in my life for what he has done and how i have been effected by it. it's not going to cause me to loose trust in all men. yes, all the men i have dated weren't the greatest people on earth, but i have never blamed the next one for the last one's mistakes. i have never and will not take my problems out on them. id expect if someone cares about me enough, they wont mind hearing what's bothering me and helping me to cope. i don't mind it myself when roles are reversed. it effects me now, because im steal in the middle of it now, but im not going to let this situation interfear with another relationship. everyone is different. i cant compare all men to him because they're not him. they live and have their own life.

If I sense multiple divorce as an issue while searching for love, I would question that and all that comes with that person.

If I sense an individual's anger problems, something not appealing to me, again I would question that too.

I would also question his sexual appetite and would not pursue him if he don't meet mine.

..........heaps of stuff to be wary of or ask for better understanding.

No, asking question don't mean I have a personal problem about it, it is just being careful in some things.

Wed 10/10/07 11:59 AM
Thank you Livingbybeats. Well said.




wouldn't that go for the first marriage? what difference would it make if they failed twice over once? what once is ok and twice is taboo?

i think its interesting that all those who haven't been married twice think that its taboo for the people that have been, because well they've only been married once, except for 1 itty bitty little problem....

statistics have proven that over 90% of all third marriages have a lifetime success rate, and that over 75% of second marriages fail if one or the other have been married before...

also, the rate percentage of marriages that occur as a second marraige from a divorce is over 95% so that means, that if any of you get married again, and you fail at it, then according to your own judgments you are no longer to be trusted and incapable of having a relationship...

wonder if you'll wanna wear that same hat when you end up burning yourself... because after all, the authorities in these statistical fields say you'll do it again AND have a 75% chance of failing!

hahaha,

never say what you might do yourself, because your foot will only make your mouth bigger by being

wabbit...if you need to say what you want to say about your ex, go for it.....

....but in 5 years time, you are still carrying on about your ex, then I would say, get over it, get professional help or get a life!! hahaha. Now, I am not being mean there, just being real about your situation if it comes to that

lilwabbit... yo didn't see it at all?
i'm pretty sure that if you really examined the before you got married you'll be able to remember signs and symbols of it. I know i did. granted i didnt' see them until i was married either, but i did realize after, geez, how could i have missed that? and after a proper examination realized, that i just choose not to see them.

hey we all do it. we don't want to see bad in whom we're attracted to. it doesnt mean it wasn't there...

now i'm not saying that you're dumb or unaware, because i walked in like a blind fool myself, however, it is one thing to recognize that in ourselves i think and another thing to actually blame them for what we decided not to acknowledge...

dealing with the divorce just started, so im no where near the 5 year mark.

when i did start to notice his true colorsi guess there were many reasons why i stayed. mostly my stubornness of i have something to prove so im going to fix this and we'll be okay and my fear of him. i also felt love can concour all things, but i dont think that works when the love is one sided.


i can say this good. if it wasn't for him i wouldnt have 2 of my children

wabbit: and there you go :)

you know i can tell you that i'm very grateful for all of the women i've been involved with in my life. I have learned so much from them, and it is amazing how much easier it is to understand a woman when a man actually listens to women...

for example... all the stuff that you all see other women play, and men can't see it as they're led around by their noses? i can smell it at 100 paces...

i have every girl i've ever been involved with to thank for that! they showed me the things to look for, not in their actions mind you, but in how they would talk about women and how women are.

I am able to spot subversion, and manipulation, and how things get turned around on pointed back in the direction of where they came, in order to avoid things... women taught me that... the women I've dated,and my mother and grandmother!

i've always enjoyed the company of women more than men, and am very grateful for it...

so i can't look back at ex's and say oh they were this and they were that... i have to be thankful...

:)

so my only possible suggestion to you is to hold tight to the good because that will be the energy that helps you through it, as long as you don't let it make you soft and suck you under :)

understanding and forgiveness is always better than harbored bitterness.

the way you talk about women reminds me of my husband, always turning stuff around. ill use that and say he's creative. see i told you you're teaching me something. i can find something nice to say about him and laugh about doing so.


maybe that would hurt him worse....if i talked nice things about him....sorry, vindictive moment.

Well said LBB .....

Divorced?? a red flag.

depends....

if anything they have seen more done more an experienced more
which makes up for experience which could be a attractive trait.

as far as divorces go we all make some bad choices some times.

who to say if it is really marriage or not that is the recurring theme as to why relationships don't last or for that matter just common law live in or how many relationships people have been in period.

it doesn't make them any less of a person.

Livingbybeats posted this

75% of second marriages fail if one or the other have been married before.

Maybe it's just me but if it's a second marriage then at least one of them had to be married before

Depends on circumstances:
I've been married and divorced TWICE.
My second marriage I thought I had met the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Until I discoveed he had the hots for my younger sister LOL

I don't think it matters if you've been married before, they are just relationships. The only thing that would bother me is if the ex starts getting jealous and stuff like that. That would make me run. I would wonder if the guy didn't have a relationship before, marriage or not.

Really Dahling I think I look good in red...

(using best Zahzah or is it Liz Voice)

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