Hi to all wonderful females out there! Well ok, if males are reading also, we’re pretty awesome also, huh?

Now first some history:
I'��m a sort of an overdue male of 51 year. I'��ve been through three +4 year long relationships and one marriage of seven years. Not a great deal of points in the "��game" of life, huh? But anyway, now I want to know something from you females.

During the years before getting married, there were no questions asked if there were any papers confirming end of relationship. Now when wife and I separated 2010, I"��ve been meeting women who had interest in me until question of marriage and divorce papers to prove the end of relationship occurred.

When replying there is no divorce yet, most women walked away. Speaking with my female friends, they have the same opinion. Now most of these were/is highly educated women with scientific education and brilliant minds.

Now here'��s my 10 000 EURO question. (I will not pay until satisfactory answer occurs and I'll judge it;o)

What is it with the idea of a person that has a paper that says he is married is not trusted when saying relationship is over, when at the same time, there are so many married couples that go over the domestic borders all the time. No matter he, she or it;o)

It doesn't make any sense to me as I try to be rational and look at things in a logical way. Of course I can understand the betrayal of a trusted friend and companion turns the other way suddenly, but seriously!! I have been abandoned and betrayed also but have never got any idea of a paper making a difference of trust!!!

Please be patient with me and ask if you don'��t understand my ramblings!!

Peter

There is nothing wrong with a single woman walking away from a man who is still married.

While it's true that people - with or without marriage certificates or divorce decrees - frequently cheat with others,


the fact that one still isn't divorced, is indicative that there is still unfinished business, no matter how much one insists "Really...it's over!!!" No, it's not...not YET.






You're welcome.

That's also happened to me as well?? No, i was divorced and a married woman wanted to have a relationship with me? That's always the first questions i ask, are you Married do you have a boyfriend? Yes to either "i'm gone"! Never was a cheater in a relationship and will not be with a cheater!! Cheaters are users and very hurtful people that are like leeches,sucking one dry but another in waiting so well isn't dry!! Won't be hurt, or hurt anyone else!! Too many good people in the world for that!! Not kicking the trash out if you don't deal with it!!

Agreed!!!That's what I would do.

If it is over than get on with it and make it officially over. I'll believe it when I see it. Words are just words.

The way you put it, your question might also be rephrased as: "Why wouldn't you be with me while I am still married? Don't you see how many people cheat their spouses with no regrets? Why wouldn't do you the same if you care for me?" Because, it is cheating if you are still married.
And why should she be played against a future ex-wife? That sounds like a manipulation of both wife and the women you asked that question. You think you are THAT GOOD? LOL

BTW, anyone who throws away the money that way doesn't leave an impression of a trustworthy person. Such an attitude doesn't make a good impression at all. Se, here is your free answer without any further clarifications.

Thank you!! That's the way it is supposed to be(MORALS AND RESPECT) for yourself and others feelings!!

I hear you.

Haha, like your smiley's!

Well, guess I'm bit odd, + I'm not that good as someone put it;o) I'm a bit lazy and relaxed about traditions and also a pragmatic guy. Add the fact I'm curious about if there are anyone in my line of thinking? I have quite high morals about cheating and haven't been unfaithful so far in my life.

Really what it comes down to in my opinion, is what experience and what kind of expectations one have of coming relationships, no matter friends or lovers.

I prefer to have good faith in other people, without being too blue eyed of course.

Another thing is that I rather take a beating than being too suspicious;o)

Peter

If it is over than get on with it and make it officially over. I'll believe it when I see it. Words are just words.


BTW, anyone who throws away the money that way doesn't leave an impression of a trustworthy person. Such an attitude doesn't make a good impression at all. Se, here is your free answer without any further clarifications.



Yes, words are just words, papers are just papers and people are just peoples. As I was saying, when I was just living with women, not married. No one was asking of papers to prove it! What's the difference?

And btw, what do you mean by throwing away money???

But, this time you ARE married ['on paper, only']; that ['on paper, only'] marriage is "unfinished business".


When one has "unfinished business", they shouldn't be looking to start another business, even if it IS *just* 'monkey business' they're after.

Although, if I might use some computer jargon all can understand...

papers > unfinished business > legality > potential for fraud/untruths

Would it help speed the divorce process along, if your wife knew you were on the interwebz, claiming to be separated?

I get what you're saying.. in your mind, it's over.. so women should trust in your feelings towards them along with your uttered reassurances, and disregard the fact that there's still a piece of paper (your marriage license) that's binding you yet, to another woman...

if I may state the obvious.. women can be as territorial as men in relationships(as well as other areas admittedly).. we like to think we're the ONLY one in our 'mans' life.. and because there are women (and men) who take the sanctity of marriage very seriously.. it's oftentimes hard to overcome the 'feeling' that our MAN can't totally commit to the current relationship, until that paperwork is done!

in other words.. perhaps these women ran because they didn't feel you were 'free' enough to REALLY be with them in a committed relationship, regardless of the affections you showed them AND you saying "trust me"!

some may also perceive that without 'doing the paperwork', you may one day return to your ex (having unfinished business with them perhaps? still hold a torch for perhaps?) and are leaving your options open by NOT finalizing the divorce! that said.. if you have a flippant(or unconcerned) attitude towards the marriage relationship itself.. some may surmise that maybe you're a) not ready to move on, or b) relationships in themselves aren't AS important to you, causing the sense that the current relationship isn't worth fighting for! if you follow...

tell me.. if you were reading a book.. would you start another book beFORE finishing the first? or watch a movie or TV show only 3/4 of the way through then change the channel or switch the DVD? it's similar in principal when you think about it for a moment.. the logic is.. finish what you've started THEN move on with the next project.. be it book.. movie.. or relationship!

but that's just MY opinion

All I will say is your married until those papers are signed in sense you still belong to her........No matter how much you shake your head and tell me I'm wrong fact is fact... Been in a situation with a man that had not divorced.....said it was over I was the fool in the end..to give my all......

if the divorce is just papers is the attitude, then i'm thinking the marriage
was just papers too. nothing in either of those statements intrigue me.

I love Mingle because of having a pleasure of making friends online and equal pleasure of having an option of not meeting some other Minglers online. Or off-line.

I hope fleta_n_mach won't mind a bit of modification of her reply in computer jargon:

papers > unfinished business > legality > potential for fraud/untruths > scroll down

^^^^Nope, don't mind at all.

Thanks.LOL

I guess some men look at their marital status in a different way from women. I am separated too....7 long years and waiting to sign the papers to finally be considered free and single. But not my soon to be ex.....he is contented to still be 'married' and yet he starts a family somewhere without being actually 'free', and still dragging his feet about this too.

I would not get into a relationship with someone who is still in a legally binding marriage, though they may even be separated for 20 years...and I did walk away when I found out he was still married!