Topic: Faithful or committed
msharmony's photo
Tue 02/11/14 10:36 AM
Here is the dilemma:

As a parent, you want to do the best you can for your children.
As a spouse, you want to be a loyal partner to your spouse


we teach our children about relationships by our choices,so, in lieu of that

if you had a spouse who was serial cheater, but provided and felt that was ok, unwilling to receive counseling...etc...

do you stay with that person to teach the children about 'better or worse', and risk the kids believing this is ok and normal for a marriage?

or do you leave that person to teach the children its not ok, and risk the kids believing that marriage is not truly 'for better or worse'

no photo
Tue 02/11/14 10:56 AM
I don't tolerate cheating. So if I'm in a committed relationship and the guy decides he needs another woman in addition to me, we're over. Period.

In regard to teaching the kids about staying for better or worse, I don't believe in that. There is no for better or worse, because things and people change. It's irrational to think you're going to be in the same place mentally with someone forever. So teaching your kids to expect that from another human being is doing them a disservice, in my opinion. Thankfully, I'm never getting married or having kids, so this would never be a situation I'd be in.

TxsGal3333's photo
Tue 02/11/14 01:51 PM
Show them the door....why would you want to teach your kids that cheating is okay as long as they provide for them...noway

jacktrades's photo
Tue 02/11/14 01:58 PM
I would show them the door also.Not only have they cheated on you but also on the family. Staying would show the kids that you can have your cake and eat it to. JMO

dcastelmissy's photo
Tue 02/11/14 02:01 PM

I would show them the door also.Not only have they cheated on you but also on the family. Staying would show the kids that you can have your cake and eat it to. JMO


Exactly! It does not help the family to stay, it just makes it harder if you stay for a while and then have to wind up leaving anyway for unrepentant behavior. JMHO

soufiehere's photo
Tue 02/11/14 02:05 PM
Interesting question.

My hackles, literally, go up around people who cheat.
I do believe I would have known, prior to making
the commitment.

So, if the commitment came first, I think I would honor it.
Living for someone else (the kids) would not, however,
occur to me.

If I could not change them to honor the same commitment
and had tried everything known to the universe, I would
cut him loose.

Dodo_David's photo
Tue 02/11/14 03:55 PM

Here is the dilemma:

As a parent, you want to do the best you can for your children.
As a spouse, you want to be a loyal partner to your spouse


we teach our children about relationships by our choices,so, in lieu of that

if you had a spouse who was serial cheater, but provided and felt that was ok, unwilling to receive counseling...etc...

do you stay with that person to teach the children about 'better or worse', and risk the kids believing this is ok and normal for a marriage?

or do you leave that person to teach the children its not ok, and risk the kids believing that marriage is not truly 'for better or worse'


Wow, what a false dilemma the OP presents.

Marriage is supposed to be "for better or worse" so long as the marriage partners are faithful to each other.

You simply teach your kids that adultery is just cause for a divorce.

TxsGal3333's photo
Wed 02/12/14 11:49 AM


Here is the dilemma:

As a parent, you want to do the best you can for your children.
As a spouse, you want to be a loyal partner to your spouse


we teach our children about relationships by our choices,so, in lieu of that

if you had a spouse who was serial cheater, but provided and felt that was ok, unwilling to receive counseling...etc...

do you stay with that person to teach the children about 'better or worse', and risk the kids believing this is ok and normal for a marriage?

or do you leave that person to teach the children its not ok, and risk the kids believing that marriage is not truly 'for better or worse'


Wow, what a false dilemma the OP presents.

Marriage is supposed to be "for better or worse" so long as the marriage partners are faithful to each other.

You simply teach your kids that adultery is just cause for a divorce.


Adultery is a cause for divorce.... For better or worse does not include Adultery ...

Shy_Emo_chick's photo
Wed 02/12/14 11:58 AM
I'm afraid I'd have to put my children first. Even though I don't have any in real life. The children would be his as much as they would be mine. If we were married and he cheated, I'd leave him. I still don't see the point of getting married if you know you'd cheat. I'd teach my children to never stand for anyone's crap.

no photo
Wed 02/12/14 12:08 PM

I'm afraid I'd have to put my children first. Even though I don't have any in real life. The children would be his as much as they would be mine. If we were married and he cheated, I'd leave him. I still don't see the point of getting married if you know you'd cheat. I'd teach my children to never stand for anyone's crap.


:thumbsup:

no photo
Wed 02/12/14 05:57 PM

Here is the dilemma:

As a parent, you want to do the best you can for your children.
As a spouse, you want to be a loyal partner to your spouse


we teach our children about relationships by our choices,so, in lieu of that

if you had a spouse who was serial cheater, but provided and felt that was ok, unwilling to receive counseling...etc...

do you stay with that person to teach the children about 'better or worse', and risk the kids believing this is ok and normal for a marriage?

or do you leave that person to teach the children its not ok, and risk the kids believing that marriage is not truly 'for better or worse'


for better or for worse to me does not include abuse. serial infidelity where there is no remorse is abuse. Children need to learn the reality that we must make the best choices for our happiness & growth even if they are not the easiest decisions.