why do women stay in a relationship being abused.also why do they stay with it and do have a way out, in security with a man who they know will appreciate them and take care of them.

spealing from experience... seld worth. time. and feeling like I failed. mix in three kids and you get sunk. There is hope. took me months to realize that I could take care of myself

So, the author of the OP wants to know why a certain woman won't leave a particular man and start dating the author of the OP.

There are different reasons why women stay in abusive relationships. No one can give you an answer that applies to everyone.

But some will stay in that kind of relationship because of fear. Some stay in it because it's what they know. If you took a woman who was so used to that kind of relationship because her father beat her mother and then every boyfriend she's ever had that she got serious with was abusive because that is what is normal for her. If you put her with a guy who treated her right. She may say that she loves how he treats her. But because it's not what she knows. She won't know how to act in that kind of relationship. A part of her brain is going to be waiting for that moment that she has to brace for impact and when it doesn't come because it's not normal for her she will leave.

Then there is the lie that so many believe that "You made me do this." "I love you so much." "I'm so sorry that I did that honey." And the man buys them something that makes them feel loved and the cycle starts over. They get a honey moon period where they are treated great.

This is just why some stay in an abusive relationship. It's really sad to see and it's even worse when the girl basically goes from one to another and or eventually gets killed from it.

thank you for that. that really made sense.I also wonder why would family members encarriage the battered female to stay with by male knowing the history.saying its for the sake of the children

first,''attraction is not a choice''---you talk to a woman long enough she forms a opinion where she is not into you there is almost nothing YOU can do about it----she forms a opinion where she is into you then there is almost nothing SHE can do about it !!!!!!!!---its a EMOTIONAL choice NOT A LOGICAL choice--- there is more to this---its all i will say for now---good luck---

I think the first or second respondent put it quite well. women can take care of ourselves. we aren't looking to leave one man in order to be bossed around by another. Abuse takes many forms. Even if he is "nice" about it, manipulation and bossiness is abusive. Women who have been in abusive relationships need to learn to stand on their own 2 feet far more than they need another man...sorry...truth

Because some are too scared to leave their abusive partners make threats and such, it's not as easy to leave as some people think

I've dated a couple of women that have been abused by other men and I was talking about it to a female friend of mine recently. What my friend said was that, "She still liked it though". Her point was that maybe a woman may find herself in a room and there's nothing that she can do then but it's her choice to go back there again and everyone makes their own decisions.

Anyway, that was her opinion and I'm not saying that I have any great insight into this and I've never been involved with physical abuse myself but I was in a relationship with someone that was verbally and psychologically abusive towards me and I guess that I put up with that because it wasn't all bad and we had plenty of good times together as well that made it worth it for me.

Fear (of being hurt and/or being alone), lack of resources, low self esteem, co-dependency issues, religious beliefs, shame, denial, love, family pressure(s)...Many, many reasons, none justifiable....

^^^^^^ yep...but that is my opinion and as a man I really do not know. I suspect lack of resources is a big one though.

Well said, i couldn't of said it any other way...

Some of my first response was based on things I've read and some of it was based on a talkshow I think it was where they talked to some victims of abuse. Could have been a documentary really. This is one of those thing because of my interest in psychology I have learned some about. But there are to many reasons why so many stay in such a relationship. it would probably be just about impossible to list them all.

I have heard women say this. Apparently, it is common.

people survive some of the worst things

so many of them approach their situation with hope for growth and chang

with devotion to the commitment of their vows

with forgiveness... repeatedly

and others out of fear,, of being alone, of being more seriously harmed by leaving, of ending up a single parent and seeing their children suffer single parenthood,,,,,,


IM sure the reasons are numerous,,,,I think the majority who are staying with men that repeatedly beat the crap out of them either grew up in an environment where that type of fighting was normal (for the woman and the man,,,,to fight, though men almost always are uniquely blamed an crucified for it),,,,,


,or they have been isolated from those who care about them and made to lose their self value and self esteem and believe no one ever will want or love them again

Unfortunately, that's when a lot of women are looking at the "Big Picture." Saying to themselves: "He isn't this way all the time." or "I must be doing something to set him off so I gotta find out what I'm doing wrong so he'll stop." As some others have said "For the marriage or the kids... or for the sake of the relationship."

If they can be shown the "Bigger Picture" they will see the kids are not alright unless she is alright... the marriage is not happy unless she is happy, etc. This goes for the abuser also because he (more like IT) is in it's own tiny little world of beating on what's weaker to make himself feel important.

When Momma's happy... EVERYBODY is happy

very true..lol

although, the big picture is important, as is repentance and forgiveness

I think sometimes we take the simple 'Im sorry' or flowers as repentance,, but its not true repentance if its repeated behavior

I am a strong believer in forgiveness,, once or twice,, after that I think the person isn't really sorry or something has affected their self control,,,in either case,,thats the end for me

my 1st husband put me in the hospital once, ONCE,,, but he was truly disgusted with what he had done,, enough to go through a YEAR of counseling after,,its the only time I have ever seen him cry the first time he saw me when I came out, and never laid a hand on me again,,,,,I forgave him and I still think he is one of the best men I have ever known

I think the adage that if they do it once they will do it again shows a very scary lack of faith in the human ability to learn and grow,,,,,sometimes there really are better options than just leaving,,,

You nailed it: Self Control

Many people don't realize that men who abuse actually lose self-control. Even while they are abusing, they know it's wrong and that's where the guilt comes from. Then people come down on them and it makes them angry all over again then they lose self control and the cycle continues. They have to have it interrupted at the guilt stage as in your case to make a difference but it must be done while not appearing to condemn although it's dastardly behavior. But we were talking about the women so I'll go back to that. If she is going to stop it; it must be at this stage also but it can be tricky because she also cannot make him angry or the cycle starts again.

Don't make me sound like a psychologist... no I'm just psycho!!!!

Very interesting topic!..hope im not barging in!!..oops!...yes ther ar many reasons wy women stay in abusive rltnshps. I stayed in an abusiv marriage for 19 yrs..hoping..thngs wud change..or he wud..neva happnd..so i packd up my 5kids..walkd out & neva lookd back

I'm curious. Did he change his ways or did you not hear from him again?