Yeh..he changed afta he realised i wasnt cuming back..&realised wat a gem he'd thrown away!..but for me..sadly..i was dun!..he killed my feelings dat i had for him..i jst cdnt reconcile wth him!..too much..too little..to ever try again!

Too much..too little..too late..to ever try again!..he persude me..& made my life a living hell!!..eventually he stoppd..we bcame civil wth each other..for da sake of our kds

He eventually movd on..into a 2nd marriage..wth a divorce 6mnths later..2faild rltionshps..& sadly died7yrs ago of a triple hart attack..gess wat??..i had to bury hm..17 yrs lata!!!

Sounds like he at least made peace with you before he died. I hope he made his peace with God also. I hope you have not had to bear another abusive relationship since.

People, I am NOT convinced thie is gender dominant problem, stay in abusive relationships for almost as many reasons as there are victims.


For all the hype about individuality and being Single
being cool the reality the Stigma for being a "Family of One" is intense from pretty much cradle to grave.

We say we want to support family values but family values in the school system, media, employment , social welfare systems that reward abandonment, and government policies that punish reformulated families by withdrawing entitlements we do the reverse.

Economics is and seems to be growing as an issue as fewer and fewer shared housing options exist for people; especially in the early twenties. Living with parents, or grandparents, is fast being "regulated" away as subsidized housing makes it more and more segregated. You do not see new college dorms being built. I have not seen a mew apartment complex being built in years. Zoning has closed out the over the garage or in someone's basement or above a store options that existed even 25 yrs ago are gone. Even in economically depressed areas. So "couples that don't stay together often face homelessness.

That doesn't even take into account how almost impossible it is for shelters that have been at over capacity from inception are to be started ANYWHERE. Or how poorly regulated the ones that do exist are operated. Spend one night in a shelter you will do almost anything you can to avoid returning to one.

If you factor in taking a child along the situations do not get a lot better. If it is even one child of school age it is difficult and over age 12 nearly impossible especially if it is not a female child.

Foster care is so bad in most situations the kids would rather run away as soon as they can. Since the system rarely looks for run aways once thyey are "off the books" they rarely return. With domestic violence often and inner-generational problem it is not like this is news to most abused adults. I use the term adults very loosely with the number of parents that are under 18 in catastrophic numbers they are really child parents. Sometimes being shuttled back to the same abusive grandparents that abused their parents.

So sometimes it is staying with the devil you know over being push to and even more powerless situation.

Money is rarely a solution for domestic violence because often victims not only lack economic power they lack coping skills, self care resources (insurance is a big one), job skills, "neighborhood skills", transportation, and the big one relationship skills so they do not repeat the same kind of selection process for future friends and lovers.

I can almost pick the potential victim and perpetrator in any given family structure from the role they play in the family structure. If they are either the family; "fixer" (substitute parent, first one to graduate, one who has a job); the "scape goat", or "villain" so instead of living up to the expectations it is just easier to live down to it.

What is really sad is it is not just the cost to the individuals involved but also the cost tot he innocents (children that fall into the pattern of abuse it is also hugely costly to society because we start believeing the myths that exist like this is not a fixable problem, they like it, it is just how it is.

Yess jax..we both made peace wth each other..he became a believer...jst hope he was at peace wth God..may his soul rest in peace!

hi. I'll hope u dear . am raj.

Im wiser..my standards ar raised higher..im mor selective in my choice for a partner.(God willing)..i promised myslf dat i will not allow dat to happen to me ever!

I thank all of you for your post. What do you feel if the mother wants her to stay and work the marriage out in the situation?

I'd have a lot of unanswered questions on the subject too, but am reminded of a saying a like, "the warrior is responsible for everything which happens in his world", meaning intervention is something I do with no regrets or second guessing. Most of the time I find the law supports me in the situation.

But coming out of the gate I have no greater love for masochists than I do for sadists. If you have physical mobility, freedom is merely a perspective and your own responsibility, that's the truth of it.

Protecting the lame within a species has its limits of functionality.

No one can..or shud force anyone to stay in a marriage or rltionshp...only u can make dat decision..go wth ur gut feelin!!..its gud to take advice.but da ansa lies wthin u!!!

I don't think anyone ever thinks they are going to be in that situation. For me i didn't see the signs..Jealousy was the first. Then manipulation. Then came little "accidents". I didn't mean to elbow you. Then the verbal abuse. Which was the bulk of it and the worse. At that point I was already feeling so low and my confidence in my self totally gone. I had no friends and only saw my family at a minimum. He had me. The first really bad argument was mostly verbal. Landlord called the cops and the police looked me right in my face and said "if we come for another domestic dispute at this address we will remove the children from the home.".
My kids dad left that night. Things were quiet for a while. Then he returns and things got bad. My kids were sleeping so I let what happened happen because I didn't want the cops called or my kids knowing what was happening. I was afraid I'd lose them. After he left I stood and looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't recognize me. Bloody face, bruises everywhere. Pain. The next morning I couldn't even breath or put my kids in the car. I knew I needed help bit didn't trust police. My family had enough stress and didn't want to be a burden to my friends. Then theres the humiliation. I went to work that day and then to the Emergency Room where I found I had broken ribs. A nurse noticed other bruising and I denied for fear of my kids being taken away. But she gave me a number and told me to call. I got some help. Since tho I've had my hair cut, my car damaged and very recently he came to my work and was arrested. Good except today I have black fingerprints all over my arms and can't even sit down. Hopefully tho its over. I didn't stay but its sure been hard getting away. When you fear your lose your children and you don't even have the right to defend yourself. If you hit first you go to jail. Plus an epo doesn't do anything. I'm lucky compared to others. I would say if you notice someone in that situation be there for them. Tell them not to be ashamed to get help. Give them resources like that nurse did me. Let them know they are valuable and loved!

Why? self-worth. the abusive man keeps his abused wife or girl beat down mentally so that she will not thing she deserves any better then the piece of s#*t man that she is with.

Very tru..fwend!