So if I meet a girl and I want to get to know her the first thing I have to do is make sure I can afford her, why is that? I have to buy a women dinner or take her some place nice and preferably expensive because if I don't she won't even take the time to get to know me. To me, it seems incredibly vein.

If it didn't work like that hobo's would take all of the women and then no one would get nice things.

How incredibly judgmental.
Out of all the women I know and have known, there was one like that. And she could afford things like that herself, so why should she settle for less? Rather normal to date in your own circles.
I know that many women who date regularly do NOT want the guy to pay for her expenses at all.

Well that certainly cuts your choices down and saves a lot of wasted time. Pick the ones who are not incredibly vain and save time and money to boot. Try getting to know those who are not materialistically inclined. Maybe someone who wouldn't mind spending time with you let's say having a picnic, or a barbeque. Lot's of ways to have inexpensive dates but you will need to be creative. Good luck with that!

Completely agree here. This is where you would take the time to get to know someone.
A woman of substance will stand out to you, if that is IN FACT, what you want.

I don't think date 1 should ever be anywhere expensive.. It's just hi, nice to meet ya kind of a moment anyway... But I do look at relationships like this... You're gonna treat the other person the way you expect to be treated. If I, for the sake of argument, expect a man to take me to an expensive restaurant it's because I would eat there with or without him, even if I had to pay for the meal myself. Not only that but I would do the same thing for him. If a woman isn't willing to spend on you what she wants spent on her... She's just looking to see how deep your pockets go in the first place.
:)

Hmmm seems like a generalization.

If someone asks someone for a date why not pay? Even of it's the woman asking a man.

Some women prefer a non expensive date

Could be turned around. I know several guys that think they are owed "something" if they spend anything on a date

I'd rather get coffee or something to get to know a guy

Ha, screw that. I don't pay squat on the first few dates. Just free walks in the park or incidental expenditures when I put together something home made. We lower-classmen aren't made of cash.

Not even a cappuccino?

CrystalFairy I'm not talking about dating random girls and then getting to know them, I'm talking about taking out girls that the guy already knows. You do realized you judged me when you called me judgmental... welcome to the club.

Not even a cappuccino, why should he have to pay at all? Would you go on a date with a guy who expected you to buy him something?

Pretty sure the cappuccino thing was meant to be a joke

ty for clarifying Yellow... With all the replies and many opinions not one of you has answered the question, why do so many women think they are worth so much that they can have a list of what a man needs to do for her in order to be with her. And if he does those things do you fall in love with him, or are you just comfortable with the lifestyle. I can totally understand being attracted to specific personality traits, but what he drives, if he has a job or is a "good job", how much money he has, how tall he is, what he's willing to do for you... what do these things have to do with falling in love with someone? If you really fell in love with someone wouldn't you not have a choice about it, all that other stuff wouldn't matter.

Some are arrogant and high maintenance. That's more of a question for those women. I'm not that way and many women aren't

I believe whoever asks for the date should pay...man or woman. But if thwy want more than you are willing to give, why bother going out with them?

Interesting topic
I think men who want to take women on cheap coffee "dates " are generally pretty selfish and not intending anything groundbreaking or long term.
In my opinion if you do not want to take a woman out then don't Simple problem resolved !

Like I said: there are many many women who do not expect nor want a man to pay for everything. Many women want to remain independent or share cost.
I think the money issue is one that should be addressed pretty early on in the relationship, as I think it's cause of many problems. Just get clear what the other person expects.

As for the cappuccino: yes, if a guy is too cheap to buy me a coffee, I'm not interested. And yes, I have dated a man who didn't have a dime to spare, and yes, I did pay for it all, didn't mind either. I had a good job at the time. I even bought him a suit at some point as I had this gala party from work and he had nothing to wear.
He is however also the guy who caused me to feel the way that if someone can't even be @rsed to buy me a coffee, I'm not interested. He didn't even feel like buying me a birthday pressie, or Christmas pressie, not even a birthday card (and he did have a good job at that time). At some point I had to pay for my own birthday pressie and he told me he'd pay me back He did, but I had to hassle for it and it took 2, 3 months, and he even got angry with me for wanting the money?
I go the extra 50 miles for my man if need be. Well, I used to.
I learned my lesson, paid the price. I guess not unlike you,
otherwise you wouldn't have raised this subject.
I do not expect a man to take me to posh restaurants etc. but if he can't even spare a dime for a cup of coffee ... Sorry, I'm off.

Not all women are like what you describe. And again, I can't think of just ONE woman who is like that? Could be a cultural difference ...

Because you want to impress them that's why you take them to expensive dinners, buy her expensive things and all. Who would've refuse such a tremendous offer, right. But you what, you must change the way you approach or treat a woman, impress them not with material things but with your personality something not tangible, I'm sure they would very much appreciate it.

Again, not asking for advice about how to take women out or meet them, just curious about why these things are so important to most women when they have nothing to do with who the person is. Unless your hoping to fall in love with his money, height, appearance or job...

Crystal, I realize that there are probably women out there who are not like that, but I've never seen it for myself. It could be cultural, although I've known women from a few different cultures and this is the one thing they all seem to have in common. Is it possible you don't see it because you date men?

To answer you question, not all women have a monetary/material/physical check list...The reasons for those who do could vary from them being shallow, materialistic losers who need a meal ticket to being well heeled, overachievers who are only interested in a pursuing a serious relationship because they are ready to settle down...In other words, there is no specific answer to your question..My advice to you would be to look to yourself...What type of impression are you making, what message are you sending that would make these women feel a need to "confirm" your financial status or reliability before agreeing to date you..If this is happening consistently, it would be more reasonable to assume the problem lies with you, not the women you are "choosing" ....

Nope, I was mentally going through all the women I know and have known.
Varying from single to married and everything in between, good income, low income or on benefit.
Like I said earlier, I've only known 1, and I was quite appalled about her attitude.


Totally agree with this. Most of the things we have a problem with or are struggling with, lie in ourselves and we see it reflected in the outside world. Law of Attraction, projection etc.