am 8mnths pregnant n i want2 keep my baby away 4rm the dad after he is born because he cheated and walked out on me.now he wants a dna so that he can support the kid.am sure its his baby but should i let him get the dna he wants?

you chose pregnancy and have a responsibility to your child and the father has not only rights but needs to be part of the childs life regardless of how poorly you two behave ( and you wanted to get pregnant?), so love your child more than you dont like him and try if necessary get help to learn how to communicate with one another for yourself the child and the relationship you both created...Like it or not you are going to share the next twenty years doing the right thing for the child you two created regardless of how immature you both are.... otherwise the child loses and you must think of the child and not your own personal needs as these are secondary to creating a loving and nurturing environment for the child...

Of course , but not till the babe is born. I demanded one with just cause, then on delivery it became so unimportant. You say you are sure? Is it not certain, if you are not certain then he can't be blamed for wanting to be certain himself.

Of course.

he walked out because he couldnt stop cheating and he is the one who is acting immature because we had muved in together.he is now irresponsible and he agrees that he has no solid reason to doubt my faithfulness so y should i let him have the dna?i can take care of my baby and i

he abandoned me and denied being the dad @1st bt after 8months he wants a dna test.he was never there when i needed him.y should i give him the chance to know or even claim this baby as his on condition of a dna?i was ok without him so why make matters more complicated by allowing him into our lives again?

You are sure that it's his baby? As if there could be another father?

By the way, what is your definition of "mature"?

He claims that thea is anatha fatha because he is "too young".mature 2me is acceptng2 take responsibility of ua actions nt trying to justify yourself.

So, you take responsibility for choosing to make a baby while being single, but the man doesn't.

Got it.

Theres a lotta hostility from this crowd. Shes probably sure because she never fooled around. And if the guys unstable and flakey, what grounds do we have to suggest her decision to raise the baby alone is so terrible? I grew up mostly without a father, and the worst parts of my childhood were the bits he bothered to apathetically show up for. His other children are damaged almost beyond repair: drug abuse, social disorderes, mental issues, commitment and self esteem problems. All five of them. So if this girl says she thinks it.may be best not to involve him, maybe we should asdume she knows the father better than we do. Oddly enough, the majority of my friends that had "mature" parents wound up resenting or hating their parents for dragging them through the emotional ringer. Most dads were deadbeats and caused more disapointment that good. But sure, lets attack her for considering if years of potential arguments and petiness is really the best course of action.

After reading a bit, I get the impression that there might be an underlying concern about the child potentially being contested over later on...I could be wrong though. However, if that is a concern I would suggest a legal agreement upon the two individuals involved - it can even be part of the condition for having the DNA test.

Being a single mother is not easy. If the man is willing and committed to taking the responsibility by being a father and supporting the child I think he should have the right. My exception to that is if the father to be is abusive and bitter and seeking to use the unborn child as a pawn or bargaining chip in manipulation games - that's not an environment that a child needs to be raised in and it's not fair to the child as a developing individual. If the father to be is of that particular mentality, then it would probably be best for the child to be raised by mom.

Sometimes the very fact of creating another living being brings about a positive change in a person and helps them become well grounded. I'm not stating that it's always the case and this situation may be very different. But the only one that's really going to know are those directly involved in the situation. I'd also suggest probably speaking with trusted family members about the matter as well as a personal doctor. They can provide additional insight and resources to better direct you to the decision that is best for you and your child. This isn't something you should try to hide and deal with on your own. That's just my thoughts, I hope for the best for you and your child.

Is this man on drugs or does he have mental issues? If he cheated on you that is not a reason to deny him his child. Sure, it might hurt you but he still has a right to know if he is the father. Life is not fair and not everyone gets a fair shake but you should not hold what he did against his right with the baby.
Have the baby, do the DNA test and then if he only comes around when its good for him..that is when you put the rules down.
Good Luck!!

Well if you file for child support and he HASNT signed the birth certificate then they will make him get a dna. If you are completely financially secure and dont need support of any kind [including state aide] then he would have to get a lawyer and take you to court IF he hasnt signed the birth certificate. This info is all based on Ohio state law which gives an unwed mother full rights "initially" and other states have different laws. I dont think that getting a woman pregnant means you are automatically intitled to parent but I dont see how cheating makes him unfit. I HATE when people say biological fathers have some sort of intitlement just because they knocked a girl up. A child has the right to a secure, safe and happy life and just because a man donates some sperm doesnt make him fit to raise a child and doesnt mean a child can benefit from his presence in fact if hes unfit it can be more than a little detrimental to the childs well being. (And before anyone goes there yeah yeah women can be poor parents to) however I think and have always thought that women should by laws of nature of being the one to carry a baby and give birth should have more say in whats best for the baby. Okay. Rant over.

Having been around the block more than a few laps in family issues where two parents are at war I don't put a lot of stock in a lot of factors stated here.

Until women can some how prove paternity from conception, thank god we are close, the issue of fidelity is always going to be an issue.
I have seen fathers with irrefutable proof in their hands still deny a kid is there's. And Mother's who knowing without question a child is the mans deny it to their dying breath.

The only real losers in this is the child because what ever cruel thing you say about a child's parents ALWAYS hurts the child more. They have no control over their parent's actions and can not disown the half of themselves they are born to be.

Does a parent ever have a case in justifying no contact with a biological parent? If and only if that parent is actively jeapordising the child's physical or psychological safety. That is a VERY difficult standard to meet especially in the supervision in the protection of another. If the OP feels the person she chose to father this child is truly unfit and needs supervision she needs to get her ducks in a row and prove that fact. Trying to stone wall the father's rights by stalling a DNA test is ONLY going to ultimately hurt her case in collecting resources and protecting her child's chance at bonding with the biological father. Something that I guarantee will harm her child even if he is way below a model parent. Harm that will last a life time.

I put little or no stock in the fact that the father has not signed the birth certificate. To do so could make him the patsy for a child that is not his and subject him to huge costs trying to prove otherwise. Especially if he is demanding a DNA test and knows the potential is there that he could be the father if he had sex with the OP.

After my experience seeing custodial parents abuse and defraud non-custodial guardians AND children when support is given directly I personally would insist that all support be paid into a child support enforcement office or an account clearly documenting the funds were to be used only for the support of the child. And if anyone can prove that it is not then make them document it is or forfeit the funds as a fine. Personally I think either parent that can not prove they are contributing a significant amount of their resources to the support of the child should be prosecuted. Just holding custody with out proving care and provisions doesn't constitute the right to funds.

That said anyone who can reasonable state that paternity is a reasonable expectation should be able to attach the assets of a party and hold them in trust for the child until proved otherwise. Any mother that is so uncertain of paternity that she doesn't want to risk serious fines maybe even incarceration for false accusations would back up real fast. Same goes for proving paternity after conception. I am real tired of taxpayers carrying the burden of proof for other peoples choices in sexual partners. I have NO problem protecting the rights of a child when paternity is in question as the result of a crime. Then the offender should have to pay it.

Hopefully this terrible experience will make a big enough impression that not getting the social protections of marriage before any future conceptions occur will be adequate.

My sympathy to the OP. In a perfect world the potential father in this situation would have stepped up and at least been civil and responsible through the pregnancy ONLY on the chance that it could be his kid. Someone/society failed to raise a man if they have not gotten across he was "pregnant" until proved otherwise.

For a woman a pregnancy gets real as soon as she knows she's pregnant, either by simply knowing/feeling or a test. The feels and sees the changes in her body, feels the baby etc. A man does NOT. Most man start bonding with their child after it is born, women start bonding during the pregnancy. Nature of the beast and as a woman carries the child, not the man, quite understandable as well.
You cannot hold that against him and say "he wasn't there for me". Clearly you had split up, he's not really bonding yet. I actually think it's quite something he's come up with this now, before the child is even born. Says that he is thinking about you and the baby.
And fair enough if he wants a test. A pregnant woman always knows for sure the baby is hers, a man will have to trust his partner and take her word for it. Sounds blunt, but it is the naked truth ...
If he's not some sort of addict or criminal, it wouldn't be smart to keep the baby away from his/her father. A child needs a father / father-figure and maybe now you don't need his help, but you may very well do so in the near future.
Don't let your judgement get clouded by your hurt and pride. This is not about him cheating on you, this is about you having to raise a child into a healthy human being!

AMEN

in my opinion, even he's a cheater, he provide him self to take a responsibilty for the baby. get the dna test and prove him that you're not a cheater like him. wether he give a real support or not, at least he knew how worth loyalty is in relationship. be tough for the baby, dont get stress because of him.

I'm so sorry this happened to you I don't know what state you're from but I do know in New Jersey the father is not held. financially responsible for the baby till the day the baby is born and there's no way that the courts are going to deny him his parental rights if the DNA comes back this is his child. just because he walked out on you or. whether he's a cheater or not. he still has right as a parent because now they do the 50/50 parenting so many days a week for you so many days a week for him ....But I wish you luck.

I have solid reasons.he is a drunk and he never sticks to the decisions he makes.due to his drinking he is a shifty person.afew days ago he lost his job due to his alcohol problem and now blames the arguments we had 3months ago.he is incapable of accepting his mistakes and taking responsibility of his actions.he wants to use the baby as a chip to constantly walk in and out of my life when he feels like it.he wants to control me so that i dont date anyone else and that is what i dont want.he doesnt want to stay but wants me to be there waiting faithfully when he deems fit to come back

Him knowing the baby is his and maybe see his child and play a role in his/her life, doesn't mean he has to be part of your life, not that you have to take him back.
Find out where you stand legally, let go of all this drama and enjoy your pregnancy.