I already know what most of you will say. But I've met a married man he was totally honest up front. She had a long affair and they stayed for the kids. I know we've heard that before. Kids are grown and he's tired of just existing and wants to move forward. I said I can't be the reason a 42 year marriage ends he says it ended a long time ago. I've tried to stop this several times but he keeps calling and texting I finally broke and took his calls again. Thing is I believe him and he makes me laugh everyday and as wrong as it is it feels so right. There's so much more to it. But I'm so confused I told him in Gods eyes it's wrong and he agrees but said his marriage ended along time ago and he just existed for his girls and now he feels alive again and wants to move forward and so do I. How can something so good be so wrong?

You can't see the forest thru the tree....or how ever that saying goes. If you step back and look at the big picture there is nothing good about being involved with a married man. Hate that for you....

He needs to end one relationship before he starts another. Best wishes for all involved.

i know I have let go several times he just won't. He says he has a reason to now. But I don't want to be that reason as much as he says it was over many years ago I don't want to be the final reason it ends. As much as I care that sucks

There are a lot of nice fellows on this site alone. I'd just leave him alone. Some people you are better off loving from a far.

I believe the line (stayed for the kids) is a load of crap!
But do what you gota do.

I think that line is crap too. If he really is that happy with you, he should be able to make a decision. If the marriage really ended long time ago, the kids will know anyway. Kids aren't stupid.
Tough situation, pkh.

Ya,have you stepped back compleatly?You may want to let him get rid of the wife. Before anything furtherhappens between you and him.
J.M.O

I agree that it is a "line" a lot of guys use. If the thought of doing this seems in any way wrong to you or to your established beliefs, morals, and what have you, the only conscience you violate is your own. Try this, tell him that until you see the divorce decree you'll hold your stance and let him prove himself. Put the ball in his court! Know it's hard, but it might save a lot of pain for you later. Hope the best for you!

Oh I feel bad for u. These kind of men know we r hooked and will keep coming back. Mine isn't married or rather my last relationship but he wouldn't stop seeing his other woman. I stood by so in love i kept hoping he would change. He professed his luv to me then he took another to Vegas for a week. Lied to me said was all men going on this trip. This time was just too much. I will not go back. But we make bad choices and will cry if we walk away. But eventually we will be able to hold our head up again. yOU do not deserve to be used and u r even if u dont realize it yet. You deserve to be loved for u alone. Think about it. Words of learned wisdom

Once he's divorced it won't be wrong. I couldn't trust a guy like that, I don't care why he stayed married, he's still married. And if it was such a good situation, you wouldn't feel bad about it.

Another thing, like you said, they've been married 42 years, that's a very long time, especially in our society where most marriages end long before that, how does a man devote that much time to one woman and then just walk away? What if he does the same thing to you?

I'd be seeing serious red flags here. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

He'll let go if you make him let go. Don't take his calls. Don't answer his texts. Change your number if you have to, if you're not brave enough to ignore him. He can't force you to deal with him, if you want to end it, that's up to you.

Yeah, same here. They always say they stayed so the kids don't have to suffer through a divorce. My parents divorced and we're all just fine. That's what visitation is for, you might not like it, because it's not every day, but it can be done without anyone suffering serious psychological damage.

It's all a load of crap n what would you do if that's one of you daughters doing that how would you feel!!!......

if he cared about the kids then he would want to be a roll model and leave the marriage, is it really fair to destroy the wife because he is unhappy, do you not think it hurst more to have someone cheat on you then admitting the relationship is over, would it not be harder for the wife to get over the pain knowing she was thrown aside for another woman? If he was any man at all he would have let his wife in on his secret that he don't love her and let her move on instead of staying in a loveless marriage "for the kids" who see miserable parents and ends up hating marriage because their parents were so unhappy. No this guy will never leave her and is playing you.... change your phone number what ever it takes get him gone.... heal now get it over with find a guy who loves you and not one that will just use you... if you were his world he would do what ever it took to have you in it.... your not his world your at your home and he is with his wife. Seriouly just walk away. Gonna hurt like hell but for the best.

I can undertand this completely. Most would say he should leave before getting into a relationhip but i know from experience that divorce really affects the children. Glad hes thinking about them. So many just don't.
The thng is though, does his wife know? Has she agreed to this? If she hasm't and she finds out, then there goes the childrens welfare as they most likely will be sitting in the midst of this big fight.

Wait!! I didn't read "the kids are grown" How old? Teenagers or Adults?
If he has adult kids then I would assume you are just a fling and probably a challenge if you are always saying no. There is no good reason not to leave his wife if hes miserable unless

Oh what webs we weave. When first we practice to deceive

There all grown and one still lives at home with her son. His wife continued the affair for several years till that guy met someone else.

I feel for you. I wouldn't want to be the woman he left his wife for either. The safest thing to do is to never get involved with a married man or woman.