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| Topic: How much influence do we really have? | |
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Due to our vast cultural, educational, fiscal, social, spiritual… differences… (just to name a few)… it’s sometimes difficult to relate to others not from our similar environments… So……. Subject #1… Do our parents hold sway? To what degree of influence did/do our parents’ practices have over us, and the choices we make about who we bring home to meet them as a possible life partner? And… do we always respect their wishes, or do as we choose in contrast to them? Subject #2… Do couples hold sway? Likewise... To what degree of influence do couples have over the mindset and actions of each other? And… do we always respect the others wishes, or do we choose to live in contrast to them? Athena again, I like you. You think deeply which is both a good thing and bad. IMHO our parents have/had a great percentage of sway in regards to how we are in relationships. At the end of the day, we make our own choices, but I still feel that the influence is there somewhere. I think it boils down to who we are as people. Essentially, my moms raised me and I have several feminine traits which will either rub you right or rub you wrong. My wife's Mom is a "controller" and it is obvious that those traits were magically passed down. Our relationship was that of contrast in nearly every way. A bad way mostly. Other couples definitely have influence as well - for example - if you hang out with a womanizer, you WILL pick up some of those qualities, mannerisms, and mindset - to some degree. That same goes for women. My wife's best friend was without a doubt "in control" of most aspects (99%) of her marriage. I think my wife wanted that. She didn't and will never get that here. I am in the varying-50 camp which means that most things should be decided 50-50 other than those things were perceived expertise is at play. When it is time to get new tires, that is more my call; when it's time for new clothes, all her. Either way discussion should always be a part most of the time. The relationship will eventually crumble otherwise...mine did but oh-well! Thanks OkiHeadDoctor, glad you appreciate some of my deep thinking... and you're the first man to admit he's gotten feminine traits from his mother... you're self awareness and willingness to admit it is really cool... |
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I think my parents would have been shocked and upset and disappointed and even worried if I ended-up in a traditional marriage...It would have seemed foreign to them since they enjoyed being best friends and "equals." (In their marriage.)...If a did end-up playing a passive role in my marriage I'm sure my parents would have encouraged me to develop more "guts" and "gumption."...But I didn't go the "traditional route" because it just wasn't in my nature...My parents tried to help one of my cousins become more assertive with her husband. She was shy and lacked confidence and had trouble "speaking-up" for herself...In the end my cousin's husband left her (and their 4 kids) for a younger woman...My parents tried to help my cousin get back on her "feet" and come into her "own." (With or without a man in her life.) what a sad story about your cousin... |
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I think my parents would have been shocked and upset and disappointed and even worried if I ended-up in a traditional marriage...It would have seemed foreign to them since they enjoyed being best friends and "equals." (In their marriage.)...If a did end-up playing a passive role in my marriage I'm sure my parents would have encouraged me to develop more "guts" and "gumption."...But I didn't go the "traditional route" because it just wasn't in my nature...My parents tried to help one of my cousins become more assertive with her husband. She was shy and lacked confidence and had trouble "speaking-up" for herself...In the end my cousin's husband left her (and their 4 kids) for a younger woman...My parents tried to help my cousin get back on her "feet" and come into her "own." (With or without a man in her life.) what a sad story about your cousin... My goodness, Greeneyes, your cousin's story just gets more sad... I hope as she got much older and she could look back over her life's mistakes that she eventually learned to make better choices... |
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