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| Topic: This might be a touchy subject... but... | |
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Subject # 1… Do you return to an ex? You start dating someone new, and your ex, who you’ve broken up with finds out, and now they want you back, and do everything within their power to remind you of why you are so good together, and they’re really sorry things didn’t work out before, but the two of you know in your hearts you should be together. Do you leave your new lover and return to the other one, or put the last lover on hold while you see if this new relationship turns serious, only going back to the other one if this new one doesn’t work out? Subject # 2… Do you do as you’re told? Let’s say you are still abiding by old school convention in your intimate relationships, in which the man continues to hold the majority of sway over his woman/wife, to the point where he advises her on how to dress, the amount of makeup she can wear, her friends she can/can’t hang out with, he requires her to tell him where she’s going and with whom, and that she stays in contact with him via cell/text while she’s away from the house… simultaneously, both partners work and bring home the bacon, and they split their living expenses equally, like roommates do... yet the man spends the rest of his income on himself, and requires the woman to spend the rest of her income on herself… so, in this type of scenario, is the woman obligated to follow/obey the man’s advice about how he wants her to conduct herself as his other half… or can she just do as she likes, ignoring what he wants, because he’s not providing for her financially? Subject # 3… What would you say if? We’re here Mingling with people we’d like to befriend, and possibly even become romantically involved with. Some of us, who are single and actively participating on the forums, disclose things about ourselves that we don’t mind letting everyone know because it’s not sensitive information. Plus, by opening up like this we make it easier to become acquainted with each other. And, if in the process of becoming cyber-friends we happen to meet the next love of our lives, we’ll share even more personal things about ourselves with each other. So, what is something about your expectations of a new partner that you two would discuss on your first date? Such as: you do/don’t want someone with pets, do/don’t want someone with tattoos, do/don’t want someone who smokes/drinks, do/don’t want someone with college degrees, etc… this is your chance to put it all on the table so as not to waste either of your time with more dates that end up going nowhere… so what did you need to air to shorten this process? Ques 1: Past is d Past Didn't Read Further, sorry; Topic is too Long 4 Me |
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My father likes to think that he's the head of the family and he can be a bit of a control freak. For insstance, he insists on doing the driving and if my mother goes to pick him up from somewhere she has to get out of the driving seat so that he can take the wheel. He likes to think that he controls the finances and he was spending money (wasting it really) on luxuries for himself after he had retired and my mother was still working and bringing the money in. In reality though my mother almost always gets her way when it comes to important decisions, or at least my dad will sort of go along with what she wants and just grumble about it or be difficult. Many relationships seem to work pretty much like that with men grumbling about what women are like but just putting up with their ways to keep them happy and have a quiet life. yes, I've seen so many relationships like this too.. and sometimes the women can be so overbearing and selfish, constantly demanding their own way without regard for their man's feelings, or his self respect and pride... hence he stays in a constant state of misery, just to appease his woman... to keep peace in the home... when all he's doing is giving up his authority to be ruled by his wife... I find this to be emasculating to a man... when it's the woman's place to walk beside him, not in front of him... my parents were like your parents, tawt, and my father couldn't handle all the crap when mom gave nothing back... Don't get me wrong, I'm not disrespecting the memory of my parents by stating the facts... but it's precisely due to my witnessing how my father, as a loving man, and responsible head of our house lived his life in rejection and under constant stress when nothing he did would satisfy her, no matter how much he sacrificed, as soon as she got her way in one thing, it was on to the next thing... and I witnessed my father's happiness being drained from his soul and I was grateful when they divorced for the last time, and he moved on and married again, he finally found contentment with another woman. Their relationship is why I refuse to be the kind of woman that strangles or deprives my man of his God given right to exercise his authority over me and our home, so long as he does so with love and respect in his heart and his actions towards me.. I don't want to be equal to a man in all things, that's absurd, because I am a woman... and I certainly don't want a man that would want me to rule him, because then I would view that as a severe weakness in his character, and I would not respect him.. Well, I'm not really saying that I think that my parents have a bad marriage. The thing is, my mother is a very caring person that tends to put other people first, or at least she tries to help other people with their problems and she tries to put her christian faith into practice, while my father tends to be a bit selfish and insensitive. My mother is the organiser in the family and although she can be a bit too much sometimes it's always because she cares. She wants what's best for her children and she gets actively involved, while my father is the type that sweeps problems under the carpet or ignores them. I mean, it's not that she doesn't respect and love my father and they do have discussions and arguments even. When my brother and I were children we had to put up with a lot of this "wait until your father gets home" stuff, so she knew that when she couldn't control us or if we were giving her cheek she could threaten us with an angry father authority figure that was going to shout at us and possibly deal out physical punishments. The putting up with women's ways for the sake of having a quiet life and keeping them happy is fairly normal I think and it's something that a lot of men laugh about. They will just tell you that, "That's just women mate and you are better off being single". Of course, I've known couples where the woman does "wear the trousers" to the extent that the man has to ask her for pocket money or permission to do certain things and I do think that can be a bit pathetic. Personally, I will put up with quite a lot from women to keep them happy and have a quiet life but I'm not going to be a total doormat. I accept that I'm not really used to having a woman around and when I do get involved with one they are going to nag me a bit and try to get me to change my ways. I think that I would rather have a woman that says how she feels about things and tells me what she wants than someone that expects me to be a mindreader . I like to think that I'm a reasonable person and although I've gone along with things in the past that I didn't think were entirely reasonable, I won't really put up with it if I think that they are being totally unreasonable. I suppose that maybe examples might give you an idea about what I mean. My ex didn't want me bringing my dog along on any sort of date and before I met her I took him everywhere with me and he was my constant companion. One day she said that she wanted to go out for the day with me to this place where there was a beach and I wanted to bring the dog along. She got really angry and stormed out of my house saying that she didn't feel like it anymore and I could stay at home with my dog. I went after her saying that I still wanted to go out with her and if she really didn't want the dog with us I would leave him at home. That wasn't good enough for her of course because obviously I didn't want to do what she wanted to do and I was just saying that I did to keep her happy. I never mentioned taking the dog with us again and just accepted that there was going to be an argument if I did and we wouldn't have a nice day together. Yeah, I thought she was being a bit unreasonable but it wasn't going to kill me to leave the dog at home when I went out with her and he would be alright. I think that I try to be "the voice of reason" and that's a role that I can handle. If a girlfriend comes to me telling me what she expects from me I try to see it from her point of view and I won't just dig my heels in because I don't want a woman telling me what to do. I'll try to point out where I think that a woman is being unreasonable or too demanding or controlling and I will stand up to them when I feel that I have to. I've just never really found that trying to tell women what to do or giving them orders works at all and I just prefer to say what I am and am not happy with. What you say.. "The putting up with women's ways for the sake of having a quiet life and keeping them happy is fairly normal I think"... you see this is why I choose not to be an average woman... whose man has to put up with me in order for there to be peace in our home... I know you don't mean this the way it comes across, but it's the truth... ever since the women's movement has made us more powerful in many ways, a lot of women are using this position as a means to be aggressive, demanding, manipulative... making men's lives hell... and in order to get back at us for being so obstinate with them, they too get rebellious and refuse to care for us the way they used too... I mean, just look at the marriage crisis, and all of us here on Mingle that are single... when we could be really meeting people to share our lives with, except for our various reasons why we say, no, I'm just here for the forums... to make friends... because we understand the unspoken reality we all live with... the sexes aren't happy with the way we treat each other... and we're all holding out for that special person, the one we all dream of, but who doesn't really exist, and when we do find someone we feel comfortable enough to share our lives with, after the newness of the infatuation wears off in marriages and less committed relationships we just leave behind who we're with and move on to the next person... and then you say... "Personally, I will put up with quite a lot from women to keep them happy and have a quiet life but I'm not going to be a total doormat." The fact that women make you and other men feel this way, like they can just walk all over you... there's something that has seriously gone awry in our society when men feel like they are being taken advantage of, and women have usurped their authority to do this to them... so both sexes hide behind walls, and nothing ever changes for the better. Well, I know what you are saying but when I say that I'm prepared to put up with quite a lot from women but I won't be a total doormat I don't mean that I just dump women as soon as they start trying to boss me about or asserting their "rights". Once you take the view that all women are like that or that you actually prefer to be with someone that has a mind of her own and isn't just going to agree with everything you say it becomes a matter of trying to find a woman that isn't going to make your life a total misery. Like I said, I'm not used to having a woman around and if one does come into my house she's going to start about how she wants me to tidy the place up a bit and do housework to keep the place nice. Well fine, I'll play the "you are going to teach me how not to be a lazy slob and I'll get the brownie points" game. To me doing chores about the house is pretty boring and when I'm just sitting here on my own here all the time I don't see a lot of point in going around with a duster and vacuum cleaner all the time. Then I meet a woman and she starts telling me that I can do it if I really put my mind to it, like she's telling me to climb a mountain or something. It's a bit patronising but I don't actually think that they are being unreasonable when they want to come into a nice clean and tidy house. What I do think is unreasonable is when they want it all their own way and they dictate to you but then tell you that you don't own them and they will do whatever they like. That's not equality when I'm willing to compromise and try to be a good boyfriend and I just have to fit in with their lives and their ways. Maybe we seem to be saying the same thing here but I still don't really want to control a woman to the extent that I'm telling her what to wear and making her report all of her comings and goings to me. Maybe I should be more dominant but then I'm going to end up in a relationship where we are both trying to boss each other about and we are always going to be arguing. There are plenty of relationships like that as well and they don't look very good to me. So basically I think what happens is that you say to each other what you want and what you are and are not happy with. You communicate and "working" on a relationship can't just be a matter of dictating terms to your partner. You somehow have to compromise or at least learn to put up with each other. |
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Some of the things I read; just make me shake my head. Give & take in ALL ASPECTS of life is how the world has existed FOREVER. The battle of the "SEX's" is NO EXCEPTION. Used to happen quietly behind closed doors, but the neighbors knew. All the 70's did was make it public, like everything else. Seems to me that modern science has just allowed people to expose their lives to a larger audience. For me, it ALL goes back to she simple ideas of; different strokes for different folks; respect different opinions; treat others as you want to be treated & never burn a bridge you MIGHT need to recross. Simple ideas are the best... to/for me. I completely agree... |
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Subject # 1… Do you return to an ex? You start dating someone new, and your ex, who you’ve broken up with finds out, and now they want you back, and do everything within their power to remind you of why you are so good together, and they’re really sorry things didn’t work out before, but the two of you know in your hearts you should be together. Do you leave your new lover and return to the other one, or put the last lover on hold while you see if this new relationship turns serious, only going back to the other one if this new one doesn’t work out? Subject # 2… Do you do as you’re told? Let’s say you are still abiding by old school convention in your intimate relationships, in which the man continues to hold the majority of sway over his woman/wife, to the point where he advises her on how to dress, the amount of makeup she can wear, her friends she can/can’t hang out with, he requires her to tell him where she’s going and with whom, and that she stays in contact with him via cell/text while she’s away from the house… simultaneously, both partners work and bring home the bacon, and they split their living expenses equally, like roommates do... yet the man spends the rest of his income on himself, and requires the woman to spend the rest of her income on herself… so, in this type of scenario, is the woman obligated to follow/obey the man’s advice about how he wants her to conduct herself as his other half… or can she just do as she likes, ignoring what he wants, because he’s not providing for her financially? Subject # 3… What would you say if? We’re here Mingling with people we’d like to befriend, and possibly even become romantically involved with. Some of us, who are single and actively participating on the forums, disclose things about ourselves that we don’t mind letting everyone know because it’s not sensitive information. Plus, by opening up like this we make it easier to become acquainted with each other. And, if in the process of becoming cyber-friends we happen to meet the next love of our lives, we’ll share even more personal things about ourselves with each other. So, what is something about your expectations of a new partner that you two would discuss on your first date? Such as: you do/don’t want someone with pets, do/don’t want someone with tattoos, do/don’t want someone who smokes/drinks, do/don’t want someone with college degrees, etc… this is your chance to put it all on the table so as not to waste either of your time with more dates that end up going nowhere… so what did you need to air to shorten this process? Ques 1: Past is d Past Didn't Read Further, sorry; Topic is too Long 4 Me no problem, thanks for posting... |
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My father likes to think that he's the head of the family and he can be a bit of a control freak. For insstance, he insists on doing the driving and if my mother goes to pick him up from somewhere she has to get out of the driving seat so that he can take the wheel. He likes to think that he controls the finances and he was spending money (wasting it really) on luxuries for himself after he had retired and my mother was still working and bringing the money in. In reality though my mother almost always gets her way when it comes to important decisions, or at least my dad will sort of go along with what she wants and just grumble about it or be difficult. Many relationships seem to work pretty much like that with men grumbling about what women are like but just putting up with their ways to keep them happy and have a quiet life. yes, I've seen so many relationships like this too.. and sometimes the women can be so overbearing and selfish, constantly demanding their own way without regard for their man's feelings, or his self respect and pride... hence he stays in a constant state of misery, just to appease his woman... to keep peace in the home... when all he's doing is giving up his authority to be ruled by his wife... I find this to be emasculating to a man... when it's the woman's place to walk beside him, not in front of him... my parents were like your parents, tawt, and my father couldn't handle all the crap when mom gave nothing back... Don't get me wrong, I'm not disrespecting the memory of my parents by stating the facts... but it's precisely due to my witnessing how my father, as a loving man, and responsible head of our house lived his life in rejection and under constant stress when nothing he did would satisfy her, no matter how much he sacrificed, as soon as she got her way in one thing, it was on to the next thing... and I witnessed my father's happiness being drained from his soul and I was grateful when they divorced for the last time, and he moved on and married again, he finally found contentment with another woman. Their relationship is why I refuse to be the kind of woman that strangles or deprives my man of his God given right to exercise his authority over me and our home, so long as he does so with love and respect in his heart and his actions towards me.. I don't want to be equal to a man in all things, that's absurd, because I am a woman... and I certainly don't want a man that would want me to rule him, because then I would view that as a severe weakness in his character, and I would not respect him.. Well, I'm not really saying that I think that my parents have a bad marriage. The thing is, my mother is a very caring person that tends to put other people first, or at least she tries to help other people with their problems and she tries to put her christian faith into practice, while my father tends to be a bit selfish and insensitive. My mother is the organiser in the family and although she can be a bit too much sometimes it's always because she cares. She wants what's best for her children and she gets actively involved, while my father is the type that sweeps problems under the carpet or ignores them. I mean, it's not that she doesn't respect and love my father and they do have discussions and arguments even. When my brother and I were children we had to put up with a lot of this "wait until your father gets home" stuff, so she knew that when she couldn't control us or if we were giving her cheek she could threaten us with an angry father authority figure that was going to shout at us and possibly deal out physical punishments. The putting up with women's ways for the sake of having a quiet life and keeping them happy is fairly normal I think and it's something that a lot of men laugh about. They will just tell you that, "That's just women mate and you are better off being single". Of course, I've known couples where the woman does "wear the trousers" to the extent that the man has to ask her for pocket money or permission to do certain things and I do think that can be a bit pathetic. Personally, I will put up with quite a lot from women to keep them happy and have a quiet life but I'm not going to be a total doormat. I accept that I'm not really used to having a woman around and when I do get involved with one they are going to nag me a bit and try to get me to change my ways. I think that I would rather have a woman that says how she feels about things and tells me what she wants than someone that expects me to be a mindreader . I like to think that I'm a reasonable person and although I've gone along with things in the past that I didn't think were entirely reasonable, I won't really put up with it if I think that they are being totally unreasonable. I suppose that maybe examples might give you an idea about what I mean. My ex didn't want me bringing my dog along on any sort of date and before I met her I took him everywhere with me and he was my constant companion. One day she said that she wanted to go out for the day with me to this place where there was a beach and I wanted to bring the dog along. She got really angry and stormed out of my house saying that she didn't feel like it anymore and I could stay at home with my dog. I went after her saying that I still wanted to go out with her and if she really didn't want the dog with us I would leave him at home. That wasn't good enough for her of course because obviously I didn't want to do what she wanted to do and I was just saying that I did to keep her happy. I never mentioned taking the dog with us again and just accepted that there was going to be an argument if I did and we wouldn't have a nice day together. Yeah, I thought she was being a bit unreasonable but it wasn't going to kill me to leave the dog at home when I went out with her and he would be alright. I think that I try to be "the voice of reason" and that's a role that I can handle. If a girlfriend comes to me telling me what she expects from me I try to see it from her point of view and I won't just dig my heels in because I don't want a woman telling me what to do. I'll try to point out where I think that a woman is being unreasonable or too demanding or controlling and I will stand up to them when I feel that I have to. I've just never really found that trying to tell women what to do or giving them orders works at all and I just prefer to say what I am and am not happy with. What you say.. "The putting up with women's ways for the sake of having a quiet life and keeping them happy is fairly normal I think"... you see this is why I choose not to be an average woman... whose man has to put up with me in order for there to be peace in our home... I know you don't mean this the way it comes across, but it's the truth... ever since the women's movement has made us more powerful in many ways, a lot of women are using this position as a means to be aggressive, demanding, manipulative... making men's lives hell... and in order to get back at us for being so obstinate with them, they too get rebellious and refuse to care for us the way they used too... I mean, just look at the marriage crisis, and all of us here on Mingle that are single... when we could be really meeting people to share our lives with, except for our various reasons why we say, no, I'm just here for the forums... to make friends... because we understand the unspoken reality we all live with... the sexes aren't happy with the way we treat each other... and we're all holding out for that special person, the one we all dream of, but who doesn't really exist, and when we do find someone we feel comfortable enough to share our lives with, after the newness of the infatuation wears off in marriages and less committed relationships we just leave behind who we're with and move on to the next person... and then you say... "Personally, I will put up with quite a lot from women to keep them happy and have a quiet life but I'm not going to be a total doormat." The fact that women make you and other men feel this way, like they can just walk all over you... there's something that has seriously gone awry in our society when men feel like they are being taken advantage of, and women have usurped their authority to do this to them... so both sexes hide behind walls, and nothing ever changes for the better. Well, I know what you are saying but when I say that I'm prepared to put up with quite a lot from women but I won't be a total doormat I don't mean that I just dump women as soon as they start trying to boss me about or asserting their "rights". Once you take the view that all women are like that or that you actually prefer to be with someone that has a mind of her own and isn't just going to agree with everything you say it becomes a matter of trying to find a woman that isn't going to make your life a total misery. Like I said, I'm not used to having a woman around and if one does come into my house she's going to start about how she wants me to tidy the place up a bit and do housework to keep the place nice. Well fine, I'll play the "you are going to teach me how not to be a lazy slob and I'll get the brownie points" game. To me doing chores about the house is pretty boring and when I'm just sitting here on my own here all the time I don't see a lot of point in going around with a duster and vacuum cleaner all the time. Then I meet a woman and she starts telling me that I can do it if I really put my mind to it, like she's telling me to climb a mountain or something. It's a bit patronising but I don't actually think that they are being unreasonable when they want to come into a nice clean and tidy house. What I do think is unreasonable is when they want it all their own way and they dictate to you but then tell you that you don't own them and they will do whatever they like. That's not equality when I'm willing to compromise and try to be a good boyfriend and I just have to fit in with their lives and their ways. Maybe we seem to be saying the same thing here but I still don't really want to control a woman to the extent that I'm telling her what to wear and making her report all of her comings and goings to me. Maybe I should be more dominant but then I'm going to end up in a relationship where we are both trying to boss each other about and we are always going to be arguing. There are plenty of relationships like that as well and they don't look very good to me. So basically I think what happens is that you say to each other what you want and what you are and are not happy with. You communicate and "working" on a relationship can't just be a matter of dictating terms to your partner. You somehow have to compromise or at least learn to put up with each other. that's it in a nutshell, tawt.. relationships are about being with someone we can relate too, then compromising about everything to keep the connection working... |
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Subject # 1… Do you return to an ex? You start dating someone new, and your ex, who you’ve broken up with finds out, and now they want you back, and do everything within their power to remind you of why you are so good together, and they’re really sorry things didn’t work out before, but the two of you know in your hearts you should be together. Do you leave your new lover and return to the other one, or put the last lover on hold while you see if this new relationship turns serious, only going back to the other one if this new one doesn’t work out? Subject # 2… Do you do as you’re told? Let’s say you are still abiding by old school convention in your intimate relationships, in which the man continues to hold the majority of sway over his woman/wife, to the point where he advises her on how to dress, the amount of makeup she can wear, her friends she can/can’t hang out with, he requires her to tell him where she’s going and with whom, and that she stays in contact with him via cell/text while she’s away from the house… simultaneously, both partners work and bring home the bacon, and they split their living expenses equally, like roommates do... yet the man spends the rest of his income on himself, and requires the woman to spend the rest of her income on herself… so, in this type of scenario, is the woman obligated to follow/obey the man’s advice about how he wants her to conduct herself as his other half… or can she just do as she likes, ignoring what he wants, because he’s not providing for her financially? Subject # 3… What would you say if? We’re here Mingling with people we’d like to befriend, and possibly even become romantically involved with. Some of us, who are single and actively participating on the forums, disclose things about ourselves that we don’t mind letting everyone know because it’s not sensitive information. Plus, by opening up like this we make it easier to become acquainted with each other. And, if in the process of becoming cyber-friends we happen to meet the next love of our lives, we’ll share even more personal things about ourselves with each other. So, what is something about your expectations of a new partner that you two would discuss on your first date? Such as: you do/don’t want someone with pets, do/don’t want someone with tattoos, do/don’t want someone who smokes/drinks, do/don’t want someone with college degrees, etc… this is your chance to put it all on the table so as not to waste either of your time with more dates that end up going nowhere… so what did you need to air to shorten this process? Subject # 1....The ex can keep that piece of my life that i willingly gave to him, i'll not be needing it back. Subject # 2....I very much doubt i would find myself in such a disrespectful relationship to begin with. But i suppose if that is what some women seek...then it's by their own choice that they shall oblige yes? Subject # 3....I have read many times over about equality between men & women, but it's not been explained in depth to what they expect by 'being equal' For me personally...equality is not about being able to bench press the same amount of weights as a significant other in the gym, or who is faster at changing a tyre on a car...I acknowledge that he will be by far physically stronger than i. But when it comes to having each others back no matter what?...this is where he must be my equal. So i expect the same loyalty from him as i myself give...without hesitation. Ha!...reminds me of a quote. "He who hesitates....shouldn't have" hi kahurangi, you're answer to #1 is pretty cool... #2, I can only dream about living in the part of the world where men don't disrespect women... #3, I've never seen true equality among men and women either, and I'm very well rounded and know too many people to think otherwise. I know plenty of men that respect their wives completely, and even take their advice about many things, but they are never treated as equals or the man would not be the head of their home and thereby getting the respect he deserves for being the families leader... your final quote.. 
Quick answer as i fly out the door.... The latter part of your response kinda sounds like something out of the middle east. The only thing that's missing is a burkha, which is all very well for women who have been raised to know nothing else except that way of life. 2 heads are better than one in a relationship...tis a partnership after all is it not? The way i see it...if the constant is one leads whilst the other follows...then challenging each other to be better/stronger/smarter people about lifes little obstacles becomes non existent. Jumping through hoops at the crack of the whip ain't my thang....i bite! ;-) |
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Returing to an ex.. Tried it, once with an ex hubby, didnt work, after the first few months things where pretty much the same. Tried with an ex boyfriend, had great fun, still great friends,
but it still didnt work.
Doing what I am told. did it to the point of stupidity, would never do it again. What would I say. Probably not much, I would just watch, I dont like smoking, I dont like alcohol I dont like swearing or drugs, so if they where really big on any of those things I would not be interested. It's not that I mind being around people who drink, I just dont want to be with someone who needs to be drunk to have fun. I like life to be fun, without the additives  So to me, having somone who can laugh at and with me is great.
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Subject # 1… Do you return to an ex? You start dating someone new, and your ex, who you’ve broken up with finds out, and now they want you back, and do everything within their power to remind you of why you are so good together, and they’re really sorry things didn’t work out before, but the two of you know in your hearts you should be together. Do you leave your new lover and return to the other one, or put the last lover on hold while you see if this new relationship turns serious, only going back to the other one if this new one doesn’t work out? Subject # 2… Do you do as you’re told? Let’s say you are still abiding by old school convention in your intimate relationships, in which the man continues to hold the majority of sway over his woman/wife, to the point where he advises her on how to dress, the amount of makeup she can wear, her friends she can/can’t hang out with, he requires her to tell him where she’s going and with whom, and that she stays in contact with him via cell/text while she’s away from the house… simultaneously, both partners work and bring home the bacon, and they split their living expenses equally, like roommates do... yet the man spends the rest of his income on himself, and requires the woman to spend the rest of her income on herself… so, in this type of scenario, is the woman obligated to follow/obey the man’s advice about how he wants her to conduct herself as his other half… or can she just do as she likes, ignoring what he wants, because he’s not providing for her financially? Subject # 3… What would you say if? We’re here Mingling with people we’d like to befriend, and possibly even become romantically involved with. Some of us, who are single and actively participating on the forums, disclose things about ourselves that we don’t mind letting everyone know because it’s not sensitive information. Plus, by opening up like this we make it easier to become acquainted with each other. And, if in the process of becoming cyber-friends we happen to meet the next love of our lives, we’ll share even more personal things about ourselves with each other. So, what is something about your expectations of a new partner that you two would discuss on your first date? Such as: you do/don’t want someone with pets, do/don’t want someone with tattoos, do/don’t want someone who smokes/drinks, do/don’t want someone with college degrees, etc… this is your chance to put it all on the table so as not to waste either of your time with more dates that end up going nowhere… so what did you need to air to shorten this process? Subject # 1....The ex can keep that piece of my life that i willingly gave to him, i'll not be needing it back. Subject # 2....I very much doubt i would find myself in such a disrespectful relationship to begin with. But i suppose if that is what some women seek...then it's by their own choice that they shall oblige yes? Subject # 3....I have read many times over about equality between men & women, but it's not been explained in depth to what they expect by 'being equal' For me personally...equality is not about being able to bench press the same amount of weights as a significant other in the gym, or who is faster at changing a tyre on a car...I acknowledge that he will be by far physically stronger than i. But when it comes to having each others back no matter what?...this is where he must be my equal. So i expect the same loyalty from him as i myself give...without hesitation. Ha!...reminds me of a quote. "He who hesitates....shouldn't have" hi kahurangi, you're answer to #1 is pretty cool... #2, I can only dream about living in the part of the world where men don't disrespect women... #3, I've never seen true equality among men and women either, and I'm very well rounded and know too many people to think otherwise. I know plenty of men that respect their wives completely, and even take their advice about many things, but they are never treated as equals or the man would not be the head of their home and thereby getting the respect he deserves for being the families leader... your final quote..
Quick answer as i fly out the door.... The latter part of your response kinda sounds like something out of the middle east. The only thing that's missing is a burkha, which is all very well for women who have been raised to know nothing else except that way of life. 2 heads are better than one in a relationship...tis a partnership after all is it not? The way i see it...if the constant is one leads whilst the other follows...then challenging each other to be better/stronger/smarter people about lifes little obstacles becomes non existent. Jumping through hoops at the crack of the whip ain't my thang....i bite! ;-) yes, it is a two heads are better than one partnership, I agree... but ultimately it is a man's world, and it will always be... until the USA has their first sitting female President in authority over every man in this country, I will always stand by my belief... |
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Returing to an ex.. Tried it, once with an ex hubby, didnt work, after the first few months things where pretty much the same. Tried with an ex boyfriend, had great fun, still great friends, but it still didnt work.
Doing what I am told. did it to the point of stupidity, would never do it again. What would I say. Probably not much, I would just watch, I dont like smoking, I dont like alcohol I dont like swearing or drugs, so if they where really big on any of those things I would not be interested. It's not that I mind being around people who drink, I just dont want to be with someone who needs to be drunk to have fun. I like life to be fun, without the additives So to me, having somone who can laugh at and with me is great.
I totally agree.. yet again.. and you brighten the day with your ability to just be who you are...  
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Subject # 2… Do you do as you’re told?
Let’s say you are still abiding by old school convention in your intimate relationships, in which the man continues to hold the majority of sway over his woman/wife, to the point where he advises her on how to dress, the amount of makeup she can wear, her friends she can/can’t hang out with, he requires her to tell him where she’s going and with whom, and that she stays in contact with him via cell/text while she’s away from the house… simultaneously, both partners work and bring home the bacon, and they split their living expenses equally, like roommates do... yet the man spends the rest of his income on himself, and requires the woman to spend the rest of her income on herself… so, in this type of scenario, is the woman obligated to follow/obey the man’s advice about how he wants her to conduct herself as his other half… or can she just do as she likes, ignoring what he wants, because he’s not providing for her financially? I'm 62 years old and I can't ever remember men having this type of control over a wife/girlfriend. This sounds more like the radical ideals published by radical feminists back in the late 70's with the purpose of degrading men. |
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Subject # 2… Do you do as you’re told?
Let’s say you are still abiding by old school convention in your intimate relationships, in which the man continues to hold the majority of sway over his woman/wife, to the point where he advises her on how to dress, the amount of makeup she can wear, her friends she can/can’t hang out with, he requires her to tell him where she’s going and with whom, and that she stays in contact with him via cell/text while she’s away from the house… simultaneously, both partners work and bring home the bacon, and they split their living expenses equally, like roommates do... yet the man spends the rest of his income on himself, and requires the woman to spend the rest of her income on herself… so, in this type of scenario, is the woman obligated to follow/obey the man’s advice about how he wants her to conduct herself as his other half… or can she just do as she likes, ignoring what he wants, because he’s not providing for her financially? I'm 62 years old and I can't ever remember men having this type of control over a wife/girlfriend. This sounds more like the radical ideals published by radical feminists back in the late 70's with the purpose of degrading men. hello indiandaved... well, I'm 51 and know of several modern day relationships exactly like this... it must be a cultural thing... and in reality it's the women in the relationships who are still being demeaned unless they put their foot down, but even then, they can stomp only so loudly until their man puts them back in their place... some men in the South still believe that once they marry a woman she becomes their property to do with as they will... and it's generally their elderly parents who are in their 70' and 80's that encourage their son's to be like this... so I guess the old school generation that keeps this kind of behavior alive hasn't all died out themselves yet... |
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Quick answer as i fly out the door.... The latter part of your response kinda sounds like something out of the middle east. The only thing that's missing is a burkha, which is all very well for women who have been raised to know nothing else except that way of life. 2 heads are better than one in a relationship...tis a partnership after all is it not? The way i see it...if the constant is one leads whilst the other follows...then challenging each other to be better/stronger/smarter people about lifes little obstacles becomes non existent. Jumping through hoops at the crack of the whip ain't my thang....i bite! ;-) yes, it is a two heads are better than one partnership, I agree... but ultimately it is a man's world, and it will always be... until the USA has their first sitting female President in authority over every man in this country, I will always stand by my belief... It is indeed a mans world Athena..."but it would be nothing, without a woman or a gal" (I prefer Renee Geyer's soulful version). I've spun this one in another thread before but i think tis relevant for here. Hope you don't mind... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICVIJhf5oaQ ummmm...it is never my intention to sway anybody from their beliefs when i put my own thoughts to type. Apologies if i come across as such. |
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Edited by
AthenaRose2
on
Wed 02/27/13 04:15 AM
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Quick answer as i fly out the door.... The latter part of your response kinda sounds like something out of the middle east. The only thing that's missing is a burkha, which is all very well for women who have been raised to know nothing else except that way of life. 2 heads are better than one in a relationship...tis a partnership after all is it not? The way i see it...if the constant is one leads whilst the other follows...then challenging each other to be better/stronger/smarter people about lifes little obstacles becomes non existent. Jumping through hoops at the crack of the whip ain't my thang....i bite! ;-) yes, it is a two heads are better than one partnership, I agree... but ultimately it is a man's world, and it will always be... until the USA has their first sitting female President in authority over every man in this country, I will always stand by my belief... It is indeed a mans world Athena..."but it would be nothing, without a woman or a gal" (I prefer Renee Geyer's soulful version). I've spun this one in another thread before but i think tis relevant for here. Hope you don't mind... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICVIJhf5oaQ ummmm...it is never my intention to sway anybody from their beliefs when i put my own thoughts to type. Apologies if i come across as such. I love this song, and especially enjoyed Joshua Ledet's version on American Idol last season... wow... but.. Renee Geyer's version is equally as captivating... thank you for reminding me about this one, I'll post it on my music thread too... please don't apologize, I wasn't pointing any fingers other than at myself... as I have discovered since beginning to post on various forums, my ideals are somewhat different from others... I'm just so used to my own environment that it amazes me how far behind in the times I seem to be... but even if everybody but me is on the same wavelength, my independent nature is such that I don't have a problem with being the oddity...  
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Subject # 2… Do you do as you’re told?
Let’s say you are still abiding by old school convention in your intimate relationships, in which the man continues to hold the majority of sway over his woman/wife, to the point where he advises her on how to dress, the amount of makeup she can wear, her friends she can/can’t hang out with, he requires her to tell him where she’s going and with whom, and that she stays in contact with him via cell/text while she’s away from the house… simultaneously, both partners work and bring home the bacon, and they split their living expenses equally, like roommates do... yet the man spends the rest of his income on himself, and requires the woman to spend the rest of her income on herself… so, in this type of scenario, is the woman obligated to follow/obey the man’s advice about how he wants her to conduct herself as his other half… or can she just do as she likes, ignoring what he wants, because he’s not providing for her financially? I'm 62 years old and I can't ever remember men having this type of control over a wife/girlfriend. This sounds more like the radical ideals published by radical feminists back in the late 70's with the purpose of degrading men. hello indiandaved... well, I'm 51 and know of several modern day relationships exactly like this... it must be a cultural thing... and in reality it's the women in the relationships who are still being demeaned unless they put their foot down, but even then, they can stomp only so loudly until their man puts them back in their place... some men in the South still believe that once they marry a woman she becomes their property to do with as they will... and it's generally their elderly parents who are in their 70' and 80's that encourage their son's to be like this... so I guess the old school generation that keeps this kind of behavior alive hasn't all died out themselves yet... I know individuals can be controlling and sections of the country might have a culture with this mentality but over all (at least where I live) I've never known a man who had this type of control. Now concerning children that's a different story. |
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If an ex is still being put in the maybe column they were never an ex. Yuk, need to wash after that one. Hmmm, I have a short answer and a very long one....  a very long what???
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If an ex is still being put in the maybe column they were never an ex. Yuk, need to wash after that one. Hmmm, I have a short answer and a very long one.... #1 - Completely agree and will add that any relationship taking place while you hold your ex in the "maybe" column is nothing more than a rebound romance destined to fail,,, #2 - With lye soap, hot water, and a good nail brush! 
#3 - I think you should give us your long answer immediately Michael!
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If an ex is still being put in the maybe column they were never an ex. Yuk, need to wash after that one. Hmmm, I have a short answer and a very long one.... a very long what???
my thoughts exactly... 
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