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Topic: why are addictive, and dysfunctional people
ChangeofHeart Joined Sun 10/26/08 Posts: 1280	Sat 02/16/13 04:02 PM
loved, cared for, and forgiven more easily than so called normal people?

Dodo_David Joined Fri 08/13/10 Posts: 48928	Sat 02/16/13 04:07 PM
What is "normal"?

ChangeofHeart Joined Sun 10/26/08 Posts: 1280	Sat 02/16/13 04:11 PM
that wasn't a question. that's why I said so called normal people

AndyBgood Joined Thu 12/25/08 Posts: 12437	Sat 02/16/13 04:14 PM
Ever hear the term, "Everybody feeds the fat boy?" That is an addict. they play on your sympathies.

shortfire8521 Joined Sat 01/26/13 Posts: 865	Sat 02/16/13 04:16 PM
I see this every day in my job to some degree. I deal with "frequent fliers" that constantly have something they need us to deal with for them. Whether that be a substance abuse problem, domestic abuse situations or parenting issues or any number of other problems. I find it very frustrating that we aren't allowed to have a "coming to God" talk with them. I get it. Your life sucks. You drink yourself into a stupor every night. Your home life is violent. Your children refuse to listen to you and are on a path toward destruction. So fix it! The vast majority of these problems are self-induced. There are options. There are programs, mostly free and very successful that you can take advantage of to improve your life. For the most part, those that seem to need it the most refuse to use it. And...the most frustrating part of the whole situation is that they continue to blame others and insist that someone else take responsibility for their life.

ChangeofHeart Joined Sun 10/26/08 Posts: 1280	Sat 02/16/13 04:22 PM
I see this every day in my job to some degree. I deal with "frequent fliers" that constantly have something they need us to deal with for them. Whether that be a substance abuse problem, domestic abuse situations or parenting issues or any number of other problems. I find it very frustrating that we aren't allowed to have a "coming to God" talk with them. I get it. Your life sucks. You drink yourself into a stupor every night. Your home life is violent. Your children refuse to listen to you and are on a path toward destruction. So fix it! The vast majority of these problems are self-induced. There are options. There are programs, mostly free and very successful that you can take advantage of to improve your life. For the most part, those that seem to need it the most refuse to use it. And...the most frustrating part of the whole situation is that they continue to blame others and insist that someone else take responsibility for their life. thank you. I understand how your honesty may not be received within your job. nowadays it's hard to tell someone the truth about this situation. we have to make everything so bright and Rosie for everyone. but in real real life it's not like that. sometimes you just gotta get your stuff together

spicyitalian4u Joined Sat 02/16/13 Posts: 16	Sat 02/16/13 04:27 PM
If you play long enough with drugs and alcohol you lose the choice to stop on your own. I've been clean and sober since 1995, but before that I was a hardcore homeless dope shooting addict. I didn't wake up one day like that nor during my happy normal childhood did I say "hey, I wanna grow up to be a junky". It took years of seemingly having a good time until the choice to use was no longer mine. If you think true addicts and alcoholics are just people behaving badly then you couldn't be more wrong. But go ahead take your pot shots at them, let's see how fast that solves the problem.

ChangeofHeart Joined Sun 10/26/08 Posts: 1280	Sat 02/16/13 04:39 PM
If you play long enough with drugs and alcohol you lose the choice to stop on your own. I've been clean and sober since 1995, but before that I was a hardcore homeless dope shooting addict. I didn't wake up one day like that nor during my happy normal childhood did I say "hey, I wanna grow up to be a junky". It took years of seemingly having a good time until the choice to use was no longer mine. in gg If you think true addicts and alcoholics are just people behaving badly then you couldn't be more wrong. Ifeg But go ahead takeg your pot shots at them, let's see how fast that solves the problem. I don't think we takin pot shots. I think 1 of the big problems is that um you make a choice. and it doesn't just affect you, it also affects those around you or people you choose to draw into your own misery. it's not just you that is so invested in your addiction, but also those that care about you that you consistently let down. to the point where you wear them down . sad part is that they may care more than you and neglect their life and those around them that they are responsible for.

shortfire8521 Joined Sat 01/26/13 Posts: 865	Sat 02/16/13 04:48 PM
If you play long enough with drugs and alcohol you lose the choice to stop on your own. I've been clean and sober since 1995, but before that I was a hardcore homeless dope shooting addict. I didn't wake up one day like that nor during my happy normal childhood did I say "hey, I wanna grow up to be a junky". It took years of seemingly having a good time until the choice to use was no longer mine. If you think true addicts and alcoholics are just people behaving badly then you couldn't be more wrong. But go ahead take your pot shots at them, let's see how fast that solves the problem. I apologize if you think I'm taking a "pot shot" at anyone. I understand substance abuse. I am the sister of a recovering alcoholic. I know very well the pain and hopelessness felt by both the addict and those that love them. I never lost my patience with or my faith in my brother. I continued to love him during the darkest days of his addiction. What eventually happened was he hit his bottom. He realized that he needed help and he actively sought it. He's been clean and sober for several years. He chose to get help. My original reply still stands. There are programs. There is help. Ultimately you are responsible for your life. My sense of impatience is with those that refuse to take that responsibility and continue to place blame on everyone else for their problems. Addiction is a choice. People choose to pick up the pipe, roll the joint or open the bottle. During the moments of clarity, I pray for those in need to make the CHOICE to seek help.

MsSly Joined Sat 12/01/12 Posts: 51	Sat 02/16/13 05:03 PM
loved, cared for, and forgiven more easily than so called normal people? That is something I too also keep wondering about. They get applauded for being straight a week, month, year, ect... But we don't get applauded for NEVER falling into that way of life... Or worse yet we don't get applauded for trying to help those who have. Sly

Dodo_David Joined Fri 08/13/10 Posts: 48928	Sat 02/16/13 05:18 PM
If you play long enough with drugs and alcohol you lose the choice to stop on your own. An addiction to an illegal drug is self-inflicted even if the addiction was not intended. Step #5 of the 12 Steps of NA says, "We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." If a person addicted to an illegal drug won't admit to the error of starting such illegal drug use, then the person isn't adhering to step #5. An addiction to an illegal drug is usually the result of the choice to start using that illegal drug. If a person were to refrain from using an illegal drug in the first place, then an addiction to that illegal drug would not occur. To be fair, I have yet to meet someone who chose to become addicted to a substance whether that substance be legal or illegal. In the case of alcohol or prescription medication, its initial use may not have been wrong even if the use turned into an addiction. By the way, as long as someone is enabling an addict to remain an addict, then the addict is unlikely to seek any available help for the addiction. Addicts seek help when they hit bottom.

kc2372 Joined Sun 11/25/12 Posts: 46	Sat 02/16/13 05:43 PM
loved, cared for, and forgiven more easily than so called normal people? They are not really. Because they are so broken, they can't be with a so called normal person. They have to be with someone even more broken than they are that will constantly feed their selfish, dysfunctional needs. So on the outside it looks like they are just being loved and given to and cared for. But really you got someone who doesn't know what love is because they are addictive and dysfunctional and then you have the person they are with that doesn't know how to love their own self enough not to be with an addictive dysfunctional person. A so called normal person loves themselves and has boundaries and doesn't have to have and can recognize obsessive and compulsive neediness in their life.

ChangeofHeart Joined Sun 10/26/08 Posts: 1280	Sat 02/16/13 05:57 PM
loved, cared for, and forgiven more easily than so called normal people? They are not really. Because they are so broken, they can't be with a so called normal person. They have to be with someone even more broken than they are that will constantly feed their selfish, dysfunctional needs. So on the outside it looks like they are just being loved and given to and cared for. But really you got someone who doesn't know what love is because they are addictive and dysfunctional and then you have the person they are with that doesn't know how to love their own self enough not to be with an addictive dysfunctional person. A so called normal person loves themselves and has boundaries and doesn't have to have and can recognize obsessive and compulsive neediness in their life.

Toodygirl5 Joined Fri 10/26/12 Posts: 14597	Sat 02/16/13 05:59 PM
Because they are in need of help, whether mentally or physically.

Jess6066 Joined Wed 12/26/12 Posts: 11	Mon 02/18/13 04:20 AM Edited by Jess6066 on Mon 02/18/13 04:22 AM
An addiction to anything is something we first start doing for whatever reason and over time love it too much to stop. This can be a number of things, such as over eating, tobacco use, sex, video games, drug use, alcohol use, etc. some are more harmful then others, obviously. Addiction enslaves a person regardless of whether or not the person realizes it, and the cessation of the habit causes severe trauma for that person. Your addiction in your mind you feel that it makes you happy, but in the end it takes everything from you. Some people think they are strong enough to over power any addiction. We all fall down. If a person is ever to break free of the chains that bind them with their addiction, they will face spending the rest of their life fighting to be "normal."

Conrad_73 Joined Sat 09/29/07 Posts: 22488	Mon 02/18/13 04:42 AM Edited by Conrad_73 on Mon 02/18/13 04:44 AM
If you play long enough with drugs and alcohol you lose the choice to stop on your own. An addiction to an illegal drug is self-inflicted even if the addiction was not intended. Step #5 of the 12 Steps of NA says, "We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." If a person addicted to an illegal drug won't admit to the error of starting such illegal drug use, then the person isn't adhering to step #5. An addiction to an illegal drug is usually the result of the choice to start using that illegal drug. If a person were to refrain from using an illegal drug in the first place, then an addiction to that illegal drug would not occur. To be fair, I have yet to meet someone who chose to become addicted to a substance whether that substance be legal or illegal. In the case of alcohol or prescription medication, its initial use may not have been wrong even if the use turned into an addiction. By the way, as long as someone is enabling an addict to remain an addict, then the addict is unlikely to seek any available help for the addiction. Addicts seek help when they hit bottom. there are a few Steps before that one! especially that Fourth!

Teditis Joined Sun 03/07/10 Posts: 3597	Mon 02/18/13 05:31 AM
loved, cared for, and forgiven more easily than so called normal people? That's not been my experience. I do think that there's a inherent nature for people to try to help people that aren't functioning well to simply function... nuthin' wrong in that. But I don't see so much love and forgiveness given to them that I'd call it "more" than what's given to others. idk

TexasScoundrel Joined Wed 10/29/08 Posts: 3693	Mon 02/18/13 05:50 AM
Altruism is an instinct we all share. We help each other because we may need to be helped ourselves one day. But, to continue helping someone over and over and they don't make an effort to help themselves is futile. There's a game called Prisoner's dilemma that, once understood, offers some insight into this kind of problem. Google it if you're interested.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Mon 02/18/13 06:27 AM
loved, cared for, and forgiven more easily than so called normal people? ID say usually, if it can be labeled by doctors, it is considered out of the persons control, like a turrets victim cursing every five seconds compared to a 'normal' person doing it partly why I have hesitation with the psychologicla community,, too many labels constantly being created that socially remove responsibility from the individual...

jacktrades Joined Tue 09/11/12 Posts: 4395	Mon 02/18/13 06:51 AM Edited by jacktrades on Mon 02/18/13 06:53 AM
Compassion. Having the simple knowledge that I'm far from perfect and don't feel I have a right to judge others. I'm pulling for people to beat their demons.We all have mountains to climb.