today, ive been feeling down. Been a long time since ive been with a girl. im depressed, and too shy to go out and look for love. rejection is burnt in my sub concious. Even though i quit smoking, eating better, and trying to enjoy life, im scared to be happy, worried it wont last, or that i be accepted for me. Any advice to get my thought process changed? I know im a great guy and can make a girl happy.

Have you considered seeking help for depression?

I did so several years ago, and my life dramatically improved as a result.

If you don't allow yourself to be happy for fear it won't last, then you're spoiling your present life for fear of something that may or may not happen.

I went through a very painful breakup a long time ago. It took me years, but eventually I realized two things: (1) the painful breakup DID NOT take away the joy that I had experienced in the relationship, which I still cherish today, and (2) there are many other things in life that make me happy, and some of them I wouldn't even have found out about without that experience.

Don't let fear rule your life. Look for things that make you happy and figure out how to do more of them.

how? who? i didnt know was curable, except for pills. thought it was in the brain only. i just dont know the steps

There is nothing shameful about taking medication for depression if your physician believes that you need it.

If you have clinical depression you may benefit from some sort of cognitive therapy. As you are aware that you need to change your thought processes I would look into that if I was you. Medication is all very well but a lot of the time all it does is to give you a bit of a lift and allow you to function.

Clinical depression is an odd sort of thing because a lot of the time people that suffer from it seem to not really be depressed about anything. I personally get depressed about real problems that I have such as lonleness, so that is circumstantial and I don't have worries such as yours because even though I know that a relationship may not last or work out I go for it because I have very little to lose and if a relationship does not work out then I'm just back to square one and not really any worse off. And yeah, I try to remember the good times that I had with ladies that I have been involved with and cherish those memories.

good advice. thanks everyone. trust me i remember the good times. actually i remember every smile, detail, situation... im in a bad place. being emotional as much as i am, has been both good and bad. passion, romance, love, caring, are things women love. And im awesome, cause i feel it. but then... wow i just realized a problem. i need a woman i can help. She has to be insecure scared, unconfident. those women i can help. and they help me. all stable outgoing relationships have failed. They didnt need my help so i felt bad not giving anything back. (even though i was). Wow. writing helps me think. Its hard finding women who need help. They are shy and don't go out like me. Oh well who knows what i will realize next. but this is helping.

You might do better with a woman who is in between what you just wrote. Always being the hero doesn't always work, either. Trust me. I just got dumped by one of those. You build up their confidence and get them believing in themselves, again after they had been in a bad relationship and guess what? They don't need you any more. Then you can feel jaded. If you find the other extreme then they really never needed you to begin with. Find someone you can have fun with then you go back to your house and they go back to their house.

Some of your feeling could be coming from quitting smoking. But stick with it. I tried and couldnt do it. Good luck

Sometimes we get stuck in a cycle. Our families and friends think they can understand. I beg to differ. They have never experienced feeling what I did. It's great that they try to help. I still sometimes have trouble going outside, though. You probably feel stuck there. As I do with my phobia. Make sure it doesn't get to the point where it totally consumes you, because fear is an illusion. You won't move on, if you don't get some help NOW. The longer you leave it, it manifests and has a tighter hold on you. I talk to a therapist, and she helps give insight as to why this, or why that. You don't have to take the pills. Though, they help somehow. We can't let fears control us.

guess im sick of being alone. all my life, ive saved women made them feel good, wanted, respected, loved. especially if they were down. but its my turn now to be happy. I will get what i want. but until i do, i got you guys who care. means a lot cause my emotions are 100 times intensified. been alone too long. LOL the lady that has sex with me when i see her, will be in for 1 hell of a treat. i got a ton of feelings to release. But i wont give up being happy.

I think that people that aren't happy probably do atract each other and get comfort and support from each other. Some people have said on these forums that they would like to meet somebody but they are happy and don't need a relationship to make them happy. They are the picky types perhaps and the lonely people might think that nobody wants them and they might jump into relationships quickly with the first person that comes along and is prepared to accept them for who they are. Maybe the picky types get it right by waiting for someone that ticks all their boxes but there is something romantic about fate just bringing people together, even if the relationships where people get together just because they are both lonely are doomed to fail.

Attitude; Keep the above Postive thought.

Yes. I like that kind of attitude :). Never, ever, ever, ever, give up. Especially not on YOURSELF. Your happiness is what should come first.

i know. ill relax love will come. thanks guys.

I used to be the same, til I started to change the way I think because change begins in the form of a thought.

im feeling better. actually this describes my mood :)

http://vimeo.com/56907718