Friendship ought to come first in a relationship. You start by knowing each other good and bad side , likes and dislikes. From there love starts. Love deosn't jump happen over night . Its a gradual process.

want a cookie?

poor unfriendly me...

Very well said n it is a very slow process

I agree with this statement.. friends is the best place to start any journey.. if you are both going down similar paths.. it creates a closer attraction over time.. well said danita.. and welcome to mingle2 and the forums

Danita and Zero you are right, friendship is a good foundation for any realtionship. By the replies i am seeing from guys here it looks like ther are a lot of jerks out there. No wonder ladies think men are jerks. I know one day i will find my best friend, when it happens it will happen, until then i would like to talk to any lady who is honest and shares some old fashion values.

Frienships is always the way to start a relationship, however, many friendships male/female does not turn into a relationship or Love. I am speaking from experience. A friend may be just a friend not wanting any real serious relationship. IMO

As the old rhyme goes.....First comes love, then comes marriage...

This makes sense and it really should be the way things happen. But, in my experience, it doesn't work that way at all. If we haven't had sex by the end of the third date, it won't ever happen. And how well can you really know someone after only three dates?

This is totally because of women. If a man hasn't put the moves on her, she either sees him as too much of a wimp or assumes he's not into her. Either way he's in the "friend zone." A very deep dark hole from which there is almost no escape.

I've had sex on the first date most of the time, but I plan great first dates. Every long term relationship (6 months or longer) started with sex on the first date.

These days, if I don't have sex with her at the end of the first date, I don't call her again. If she calls me, I'll give her a second chance.

I disagree in part.. one can date another without sex for as long as it takes for the uncertainty to disappear.. but as you stated yourself.. how CAN one know another in just 3 dates?? however.. it does not mean the onus is only up to the one.. perhaps it appears that way but that's not necessarily the case.. point noted below..



I agree with this.. you really DO have to get to know a person enough to WANT to be intimate with them.. mind you.. there are times when one seems naturally drawn to the other and the sparks just fly all over the place.. does that mean THEY are THE one? not necessarily.. but as was posted above.. the sex could then become a hindrance of sorts in moving forward with ANY form of relationship..

if both parties approach the 'friendship' withOUT expectations of any kind.. and ends with them being JUST FRIENDS.. in my opinion.. everyone still wins

I'm a little confused.. earlier you posted 3 dates.. now it's on the first date.. ?? wow.. you move too fast for my tastes.. we'd never have a chance at a second date, by your standards! (not that we'd have a first either... just sayin.. )

@ Zero_Effected

Since I've likely dated a lot more women than you have, I'm going to have to repeat something I've said more than once around here.

If you want to catch a fish, don't ask a fish for advice. Ask a god fisherman.

yup.. it takes many flavors for the world to turn.. finding the right one for any of us.. is all just part of our respective journeys

as for wanting to chat with like minded people.. put yourself out there and let people get to know you by posting in more threads.. the threads offer many vantage points into others thought patterns/processes that will surely aide in your quest

I'm actually quite adept at catching fish..

But, how are you at picking up women?

This reminds my of a book. It's title is "Self Made Man." It was written by a gay woman that lived a year as a man. She hung out with men from strip clubs to a monastery. But, the one thing she was never able to do was attract a woman. And this is a woman that had been getting with women all her life. But, as a man, she simply couldn't do it.

wasn't planning to..

No. I'm saying that if a man doesn't let a woman know he's interested in her sexually within a certain time frame (about 14 cumulative hours), she'll lose any interest she may have had in him. I'm saying this is universal with all women.

I'd like to add one exception. If the woman lost interest in the man, but then he didn't see or speak to her for several months, he may get a second chance to start over again. She may see him as a new man.

I have to diagree there texas. I know a lady that wants me bad. But I already have a girl freind it just wouldn't be fair.

No, love doesn't happen overnight. However, if I am interested in someone, I'd date them rather than start off as friends. I can get to know them the more we date.