Do you feel you have everything you need to attract the kind of partner you desire? Or is there something you think you need to acquire (tangible or not)?

If so, what do you think you lack?

If not, why do you deserve the kind of person you desire?

not really worried about as I concentrate on improving myself for the sake of how I feel about me. If someone is into that great. I do not feel that I do or do not "deserve" a certain type of person. fruitless silliness. If there is a mutual attraction that is what I act upon or respond to as far as a friendship elevating to something beyond platonic buddies

nothing else as I am self sufficient and do not need to be with a man for the sake of it

I think you miss my point. Think of the kind of person you'd like to become involved with. What does he look like? What kind of job does he have? What kind of lifestyle does he live? Got him in mind? Good.

Now, why would he be interested in you?

I did not miss your point. My answer remains the same - I think those are silly things to concern oneself with and the reasons are already stated

I disagree. I work very hard to create a life that someone else might want to be a part of. In other words, I work to become more desirable. But, I'm still doing it as much for myself as for anyone that may be interested in joining me.

I love the life I'm creating. Creating it fulfills me. It makes me happy as well as confident and therefore more desirable.

You way seems lazy to me.

I'm into tantric girls.

Trying too hard is one of the least attractive qualities in anyone in any situation.

I agree with this.

Yes! I like who I am.. although in other peoples eyes I will always be lacking in SOMEthing.. it's only their perceptions that change how we appear.. but I stay true to me.. I shouldn't have to 'acquire' anything to be more desirable to another.. and just because society dictates rules.. doesn't mean we have to follow 'em..

why? because I'm a human being that's worked very hard for everything I've accomplished.. but everything I've gotten that appeals to me.. I did FOR me.. not because someone else was watching OR with the thought of future prospects in mind..

what do I expect in return? someone of like mind, on equal footing, with a heart as big as mine.. in other words.. I deserve someone who's alREADy like me.. and heading in a similar direction

While I agree that trying too hard is unattractive, not trying at all makes one a fat, sloppy undesirable person.

I put in some effort to be attractive and expect the same from a woman. I maintain my weight because fat is ugly as well as to stay healthy. I clean my living space to make my life easier, but it's also because it's more attractive than dirty underwear on the floor.

false.

still need my own home, own residual income,,,

but, once I have those things, I may honestly be less interested in 'attracting' someone

,,,time will tell

I guess I differ from most of you because I don't think that I deserve a woman simply because I'm a man. I think one earns a relationship. I think everyone needs to work on becoming the best at whatever they are to attract the most desirable partner. So, I dress myself up. I get manicures and pay extra for a better haircut. I'm saving money to make sure I have enough to last until I die and won't ever be a financial burden on anyone. I watch my weight so it doesn't get out of hand. I read to improve my mind and learn different ideas. I attend cultural events and art shows. I listen to many different kinds of music from all over the world.

All these things I do because I enjoy them, but I also think doing these things makes me a more interesting and attractive person. I look better, feel better and have more to talk about.

I don't think anyone is saying they deserve the opposite sex just because they're a man/woman. They're saying the same thing you are, just in different words. They're being themselves, just as you've said you're doing. For some, it may seem like work, for others, it's just being them and doesn't seem like work.

Now, if someone was trying to become someone I'd be interested in, but were not being themselves, it would seem like they're trying too hard. Just as I'd be trying too hard if I was trying to become someone else to interest someone.

I think I am the type of guy who actually needs the motivation. Otherwise, I never think I am doing something to attract others. For example, I am currently clean-shaven and a woman at work told me how attractive I am that way and why did I do it and why don't I do it more often. I did because I felt like it, but I also feel like having a beard sometimes; nothing to do with what others may find attractive.

I work out on a regular basis but I do this for my health. I keep my house not only extremely clean but very organized but I do it for my sanity. I don't think I lack anything to attract anyone but I also don't think I deserve anyone either.

as posted below.. same thing just different wording..
like you.. I am on my path, doing it MY way, earning my rights and freedoms, living for today but planning for the future.. I'm just not doing it to EARN a relationship.. I'm doing what I feel is right for me.. to continue to be the person I want to become.. hoping along the journey.. I will find, or stand out to, the one I desire the most.. without giving up or losing any part of being ME




I concur..

I admit I've put a great deal of thought into what generally attracts women and I've made an effort to reshape myself more in line with what I've learned. I used to be very shy. In fact, until only a few years ago I'd NEVER started a conversation with a woman. But, I spent a lot of time learning how to start interesting conversations so I'd be more attractive.

I've also changed my posture and pay attention to my body language so I don't send the wrong singles. I learned how to touch a woman in a way that let her know I was interested without giving her the creeps.

Was all that work trying too hard? Maybe so, but it worked out well for me. I think it was worth the effort.

No, I have health issues and, right now, financial problems that I refuse to burden anyone else with. In addition to that, I have to consider the possibility that I've been alone so long now I wouldn't be able to adjust to living with someone.

I am also deeply spiritual and I would probably have a hard time finding someone who would mesh with that side of me.

For these reasons I stopped looking for a relationship about 6 or 7 months ago.

If it works for you, awesome. But, if others don't change themselves quite like that, it doesn't mean they're lazy. It just means they have a different way of doing things.

I do think it would be trying too hard to act completely different in order to attract someone. If I'm doing that, I wouldn't be who I am. I would be trying to be someone else.

I'll give an example of what I consider laziness. There was a time I didn't bother to shave (lazy). Then I learned that this was unattractive because it would scratch her soft skin. Now I shave. There was also a time when I didn't care about my fingernails (lazy). Then I learned this was unattractive because she didn't want my dirty, scratchy nails going inside her. Now I get regular manicures. These are things I do to please women and for no other reason. I would hope the effort is appreciated.