you have a child with a guy with a job just to recieve child support and refuse to let the father in his sons life even when hes never missed a payment and get angry when i took her to court to see him

what exactly did you want an explanation for??
sounds more like you need a new lawyer.........

why woman think like that that they can just have a kid and deny rights to the father while leeching off his check i have a good job im a towboater i pay508 a month for one child it took seventeen months to finally get my visitation cuz her attorney wouldnt show up and file for contunace but back to the point its not just her its all ovver she wont work and her her eight year old and her boyfriend live off my wages and defraud the goverment hud and foodstamp heap programs why i guess there is no real answer but still its not right

okay.. now I get the question.. sorry to hear of your dilemma

in my opinion it's NOT right.. and I don't know anyone like that personally.. I didn't even do that to MY ex.. and trust me.. he would have deserved it.. but I've heard LOTSA horror stories from guys over the years..

where I'm from things are a lil different.. the government regulates the amount of $$ one can suck from the other.. and there are laws governing the childs rights that HAVE to be respected OR.. the child goes to the other parent and the payment roles are reversed.. we also have a gov't group called the DPJ(its french for Dept. of Youth Protection) and they are obligated to investigate every allegation about any form of child abuse brought before them..

good luck to ya.. but I think I'll go back to my previous suggestion of.. maybe it's time for a better lawyer

Im not sure if two adults and two children can 'live off of' 508 a month. But back to the point. You are right, it isnt right for parents to use children against each other. There are times when there are legitimate concerns about a parents behavior or mental state which may lead to visitation issues. There are other times when people are just looking to punish or hurt each other. I dont know your situation. Whatever it is, I hope you will continue to be a father and contribute to the support of your child.

the living off my support is easy they are on hud which pays there rent heap drops gas and electric bill to budget that five hundered foodstamps which means no having to pay fpr food now back to the meaning there aint much living there and as for the visitation ive got what aloted by state so far it took seventeen months to get that far so is supervised for fisrt three month which just started last month but its hard for me because of my job im only home three months a year mainly as stated im a towboater which means i work on a river boat im on the boat two weeks home one week gone then home i travel the whole lenght of the ohio river and all rivers feeding its a job you marry because all polits where deckhands like i am and you research what they make youll see its the easiest way to achieve the well being to take care of my son and his brothers and sisters if and when

revised

500 is of no consequence if it is ascertained as a percentage of what you earn as a father thats what one should be contributing (Just like they would if they were still with the mother)

the issue in my opinion is using children against each other or not allowing children access to their mother or father,,,

Ok this post makes me angry on so many levels that I am tempted to just walk away in disgust but hey here is my two cents worth.

No it is NOT right for a parent to deny the other parent from being in the life of their child. It is at the best protection if you are a sorry excuse for a father and at the worst CRIMINAL CHILD ABUSE that will do irreperable harm to the child. If you have a kid with someone it should be a team effort. You would not have a child with out her and vice versa. And NOW YOU BOTH should GET OVER IT and work together.


Sure is not fair to the child on most levels. Every kid deserves a pair of parents that know where (s)he is and how they are 24/7-365; hopefully working together to help them be all they can be. Yea it is a challenge that few are all that good at but it really gets tough when two ADULTS decide to throw in the towel and go seperate ways. A choice it appears you made. Your kid did not make this choice; YOU did. And now you ALL have to live witht he consquences.

So yea you pay childsupport as you should. You MADE that baby and I think I would be kind of ashamed to say that all I put on the table for my kid a month is what you are belly acheing about. You make GOOD money and that pitiful amount of money won't even buy food, diapers, clothes, and basic medical care for a toddler. Don't belive me go to WalMart and educate yourself. What I DO know, and you would if you were not such a selfish brat, is that it takes about three times that to keep a household together even with everyone sacrificeing in a big way. Your Ex is not living high on anyone. And if she is on any kind of public assistance then they getting your pity check first.

Why you are complaining that TAX PAYERS are providing YOUR son a decent home? If he is in HUD houseing and that much younger than his sibling he is in his own room in a clean and decent place and the mother is smart enough to be on utility assistance so he can be warm and clean. I REALLY DON'T KNOW what you are beefing about except that she is not screwing you or your kid over making you pay more. Would you prefer he be living in a shelter or under a bridge?

It may or may not be cool that she has a boyfriend living in the home with your kid but who she has living in the home is none of your business unless you can prove she is in violation of some kind of regulation or neglecting /abuseing this child or the other. The system which more or less you have abandoned them to allows her to shack up with who ever she pleases just like she probably did with you and the first one at one point it sounds like. She has and eight year old kid that evidently doesn't mean spit to you, but I can guarantee if you have not been and abusive ******* probably misses you, and you choose to have a two year old when you spend most of your time on the river? Yea I read your profile. Might give you a clue why she is being a ***** about visitation. Being a single parent with a crybaby ex is not a lot of fun. That you are taking time away from her being a full time Mom running to court instead of making a peaceful resolution to this does not impress me. Every dime you shelled out on an attorney could have gone on your child's back, in his belly, or in a college fund.

Yea I get that you may have had to force the issue and if that is the situation my profound apologys.
Now I will hope you are doing better as a Dad than I would guess. That YOU were there for the pregnancy/ and every well baby medical appointments, see to it YOUR child is enrolled in a licensed DAY CARE program. Has a stroller, car seat, sound safe bed, and basic learning/developemental toys, a library card, a bus pass, and a valid insurance card. That you send him letters, babble/read to him on Skype at least weekly if not dailey. That YOU see he has shoes, a warm hooded coat and clothes/underwear. A life jacket and back pack every single season. That you are on an AMICABLE basis with YOUR child's local Police Department and "welfare" worker not just the attorney that has done a SORRY job of protecting YOUR Child's rights. Sure I know it is hard been there and done that when it comes to fighting the system. Why did YOUR child not have and still have a CASA advocate? That you now know the landlord where your child lives and maybe a few of the neighbors and the store managers of the local grocery stores. That everyone has your cell number, a valid address, and in your home there are the basic necessities includeing a birth certificate, diapers, food, a bed, and you have had your behind to some OPEN MINDED parenting classes that make you a good bet as an alternative for custody at a moments notice.

Yea it sucks big old boulders that these early years of YOUR child's life has been so difficult. But instead of pissing and moaning how your Ex has failed and treated you unfairly take a breath and count your blessings. You actually have a picture of your child and you know a lot more than most single Dad's and you can go into the New Year rededicateing yourself to being the MAN/DAD this Angel Needs. Show up for visitations and be a great Dad. Get involved and let all this crap go. You are eating yourself up and spinning your wheels over misplaced jealousy. Be grateful YOUR child has what he has even if your Ex and others benifit. BELIEVE me it could be SOOOH much WORSE. At least you are not standing in and ER room with a toddler with 3rd degree burns over half of his body or a cancer ward or having to wonder where he is.

You might want to start out making a peace offering to the Mother and her current significant other. You just might find out they are ABOVE the norm for young parents and your allies rather than the enemy. Least they are not couch surfing somewhere with no address.

Things must be better than you think or the judge would have handed you this kid and said "We are tired of your bitching and wasteing our time, you do it; if you think you are so hot." Then where would you be? Would you have a job or a life to enjoy hobbies? Or on welfare living with your Mom's? Yea you would HAVE YOUR kid but you would get a lot with that it doesn't seem like you have even thought about. Or been grateful for. Hope you are not out there making more with some other free spirited gal. After all you picked this one didn't you? And you picked getting pregnant with her. She already showed you how she rolled so it should not have come as a shock to you.

Think I am being harsh with you? Try talking to some of the other single custodial Dad's and find out what it is like to walk the floor all night with a teething two year old and then put up with some ******* boss climbing down your neck because you even remotely work "normal" hours. Ask them how long most of them have enjoyed an uninterrupted bath or listen to "grown up" music. I doubt like crazy most of them have been laid since they got their kids on the way unless they are very lucky and share custody. I can pretty much tell you half time Dad's only get laid about one tenth of the time cuz the gals don't like playing second fiddle to visitation and most don't want instant family. Most don't know what fresh air or owning a suit even feels like.

Grow up young man. You made your bed if you think anyone is feeling sorry you are not seeing your kid and wondering "why not" this young mom is not handing him and his brother over on a regular basis you are fooling yourself.

well i do know the price of what it costs the complaining she she wont take lazy *** to get a job and i also support three other children of my girlfriends have for four years now there ages are eight six and soon to be five we both work support our house hold idk where your from but im small town ohio not far from youngstown or pittsburgh there are lots of jobs and im trying to do the right thing by him if you know the attorney fees court costs this and that i forked out to get as far as i have to seem to be talking down to but its ok you tell me another twenty four year old man that works a steady job away from home does what needs done for his children and the woman he loves and her children that aint his but raises then as his cuz there dad live close and dont care about them ill shake his hand and say there should be more like you her problem is the say as most people in this country is she thinks everyone owes her them somethin amen to workers in this country thank you

and as for the suit lady its to take the other three children to church i guess it shows that i work hard to make eveything work the way i want it you tell me when you see i had my son while split up with my girlfriend which has olny happened once in alomst four years i was responcable and getting laid why bring that up it looks to me you only read half of what is said if you did you would see i stated i work on a river boat im gone all the time but like i said do some research and tell me how many peolpe my age will have a six figure job by thr time they are thirty im an army vet i know what comment and duty are

Ok I am going to give you the same Sgt Mom speech I have given a hundred, hell a thousand, times I have over the years.

Listen up soldier you might think you have some rank on your lapel but you don't out rank anyone in this situation and just because you want to bark orders. set standards, dictate how things are going to get done around you it ain't happen and you need to get over it.

I took a lot of time explaining why but it clearly has gone in one ear and right out the other.

You picked this (ex)gal, and evidently picked another just like her, more or less, if you have another girlfriend with even more kids than you can support but maybe you missed that whole traditional stay at home Mom deal that the Ex buys into ,and I might add so does most judges and social workers that see a young family in crisis, or the legal concept of first in time first in line trying to be hero to the world.

Keep raiseing hell with her, stalking her on face book, and hounding her with layers and she never will go back to work if nothing else to just spite you.

Yea it is nice that you moved on. I don't have a beef that you even found another family. Truth be told how you think you can support five kids in two households mystifys me but hey you best get used to thrift store suits because you have spread yourself so thin it is no shock that the first family got such a meager slice of the pie. Or that you would not mind wrapping it around your "first" family of your one biological child but she isn't going to hurry off to work on your say so with you dragging her in court. I don't blame her for being pissed off about the two of them being replaced. Not shocked at all that maybe this Ex is smart enough not to throw down a secound family on top of her kids just because you think she should let you park them with whatever day care you and Mommy number two have worked out.

She doesn't have to fall in lock step with your new squad. She got enough while you were out being GI Joe or out on the River but you didn't listen when someone was telling you they had problems and needed a man around the super table and now you are not that man you can not like it but you aren't going to change things.

Crying how unfair it is because your and your current girlfriend are so far superior driven work-a-holics still didn't evidently impress a judge and the more you rant and rave and try to enlist people to jump into your and her private business on facebook the more likely I am to think you have some conduct problems and this child is better off NOT spending that much time with you while you spew what a looser HIS MOTHER is.

Would it be nice if she was in school or working and becomeing more independent? Sure. Not like your public ranting is going to motivate her to do any better or tell you if she is.

But while you are out collecting orphans, playing hero, maybe she is still struggleing with the problems that being a military wife goes through sometimes years after you have become a civilian.

You want to allude that she has drug problems, which if you can't prove it is just your slander and even if it is not why have you not focused on geting your Son's Mom "well". Or at least proveing it instead of createing a cyber blitz, nashing your teeth at someone who is telling you how to "fix" your problem in and out of the thread, and banging your chest like you deserve a medal because you happen to have the job skills to work for a living. So frigging what you work, go to church, and "Daddy" someone else's kid HER AND YOUR responsibility is to the YOUR CHILD.

I don't know why and I don't care why you are out of the military but the fact that you were in doesn't make you any different or special. If jobs were so plentiful in your area you went because you wanted to. Do I appreciate you served? Yea but I am not going to let that make you some unquestionable saint or let you be a bully just because you wore a uniform.

I already said it but you keep doing what you are doing you can pretty much assure that you are going to keep this battle going between you and your Ex and be back in court which is going to hurt everyone involved and probably cost you your job. And when you do that you can pretty much assure that a judge is going to listen to what any social worker worth his/her salt will tell the court is you would rather attack anyone who doesn't agree with you and you need major counseling before they allow you anything but supervised visitation if they don't just get peeved and award her out right custody.

I don't think you will listen to me but I would suggest you read some TDJakes and and get yourself in counseling before you trash your life and all the innocents that are going to get burned by your anger and self righteous attitude that YOUR way is the only way.

TD Jakes is awesome,,,,,

what dont you understand i was never with his mom for more that thirty mins at a time i dont talk to let alot stalk her its offical your a nut case social workers would place him with me and misty if we where married which is coming this summer but we have been keeping it clean i can photo copy police reports where his mother used him in carset to steal and was busted she is strung out on pills its my bad i wasnt comoletelt trying to throw under the bus being disrespect its not my style her house aint clean she is a cheap hooker saying it nicely her big fight is with me puching the issue to see him is to muching digging she will lost both her kids there is a reason the judge has set and granted my visitation and why we go back in march to get extended to all weekend when im home ive had case workers in my home pre my attorney

egads.. seems you get a LOT fer 2 cents in the USA these days huh..

just keep fighting and stay positive.. seems like you're trying to do the right thing.. which is way more than many.. best of luck to you

thanks

parents, take care of your children

dont let the bs between adults interfere with your sense of responsibility to be a parent,,,

those dealing with whacko partners,, continue to do your best and never give up on taking care of your child, whatever the obstruction,,,


my brother , a doctor, spent 10 full years sending quite a bit of child support EVERY MONTH ( as he should as a father) , without ever seeing his daughter or even knowing where she was or if she received his letters and gifts because of her jealous mother

he was pissed that he didnt see my niece (as he should have been) but he was never upset to be sending support for the child he helped create

,,btw,, she reached out to him when she had her own first child and they have been in each others lives ever since


,,,,think of what the child needs, and dont obsess over what you think the parent is getting from it,,

you are one hundred percent right i shouldnt think that way i guess it comes from thr way i was raised that people should earn what they get i guess i would get so worked up if town was so small are she didnt just blaintly brag about getting stuff for everyone but him

Well let's see what I do and don't understand.

You started out this post ranting how your Ex is this major failure when as a divorced Mom of two she has shelter, utilities, and evidently a man and other resources you resent while being a stay at home mom. Skip the part that these perks are not only YOUR CHILD'S birthright but also your's if you actually need them and because you are paying minimal child support for even ONE child I repeat count your blessings.

I am not sure how much or little time you spent with this "Ex" is relivant but it sure doesn't say much for your judgement that you ended up a CO-PARENT with someone you "never spent more than thirty minutes". I will give you the grace that this is "after" the divorce but you can say and do a lot in 30 minutes and if you can't even take a breath to add puctuation I have to wonder how well you can keep yourself in check when it comes to communicateing with this MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD.

If you are not "stalking her" why do I have a private email telling me to go to her facebook page and pry into her life as a total stranger you are airing her private life too. You need to listen to me and check yourself that IS stalking. And it is psycological abuse of not only your EX but her oldest child and YOUR CHILD. Once you put it on the net it is there to be a barrier to her future, YOUR CHILD's future, AND YOURS. Do you REALLY think a potential employer, land lord, or "other" is going to prove/disprove your allegations. Are you really small minded enough to think that NO ONE in her community is on Mingle2.com ? Or the innernet in general?

As far as ANYTHING being "Official" with a Social worker giving you and Misty custody of Your child if and when you get married NOTHING is guaranteed if you keep running your mouth on line.

I don't know who is giving you and your future bride counsel but anyone who actually did more than lip service to pre-marital counsel your "fiance" would be an abismal failure if they did not warn her that your own admissions don't make you a good bet as a spouse. You have a very shakey track record. Job changes, non-family friendly employment, a failed marriage with a slob/drug addict as a co parent, abandoning (like it or not you left or never actually lived in) with a dependent child, chooseing ineffectual legal counsel, and jumping into live in situations with yet another family prematurely while you are STILL posting a looking for "whatever' on a DATE site. If "Misty" has a brain in her head she would be backing away from you in record speed. If in fact your Ex and her partner are the questionable character's you profess they are that she is associateing with you and getting herself and her children tangled up with you makes me question her judgement. How with three children already is she going to cope with yet another child who doesn't know her, you, and is more than likely to have MAJOR developemental and bonding problems short and long term. You may not even know how big a problems and won't until your child is much older. Take it from someone who has lived this you are going to need more than some William Wallace hero complex to get through what is ahead of you.

Am I suppose to be impressed that you are "keeping it clean" whatever that means? That is your job as a Parent wheather a biological parent or a surrogate parent. That should apply to your home, being alcohol and drug free, employment, your "private" life, and yes even your spiritual life when you like to bandy around about going to church but doesn't exactly jive with your lifestyle of getting your cart before your horse. Maybe you have had an epithany and are keeping your little head in your britches and not living in with your current love interest when you are not on the boat but if you are walking the floor with a house full of kids that sounds iffy.

And what is your style?

Publiclly offering to display confidential police reports that your child was used in the commision of a crime?

That even though you could have immediately been given the custody of your child while your Ex was been held and processed for her arrest but wasn't evidently available.

That you leave your child in a home that is not clean when you clearly have been tought the basics as a GI?

Or that you leave your child in and environment where you claim he is living with a "cheap hooker" that is so high she would not know if one of her John's is molesting her kids because you don't want to thorw her under the bus for doing with other's what she evidently did with you?

I guess waiting until March to get your act together amd petion the judge for only weekend visits is your style.

What I am going to say again is this whole mess sucks rocks. I have heard all kinds of excuses about how life is so unfair to you as a Dad but if my kid was in the situation your kid was in I would have gotten a paternity test the moment he was born and gotten a tiny two bedroom apartment, furnished to be a Dad,and a stay at home job and focused on being a parent and had custody the minute she got busted for shop lifting. You can't tell it was the first time you knew she was showing up with stuff that wasn't hers or that her behavior is what you describe it.

My only hope is this georgeous child is on a watch list and a decent adoptive home is warming up to take this kid when this so called Mother you describe screws up again. It is pretty obvious from your posts you are more eager to piss, moan, and argue with anyone; even someone that has been in the trenches for decades, and knows how to help you than put your hat in your hand and admit you don't know it all and actually ask for specifics how to help yourself and this innocent child. Which is EXACTLY why the social workers are dragging their feet giving you custody of this kid. They see you as a someone seeking sympathy rather than solutions for the limited time they have to allow for your child.

Not once have you asked about any of the resources I have mentioned or a taken even a minute to say thanks or ask one lousy question what YOU could do but then that is what would prove you actually deserve the wonderful blessing you have been given.

I sure somewhere something wakes you up because whether you know it or not the clock is ticking and you could loose this child so many different ways it makes my heart sick.

ladt its clear i was 22 worked provailing wage 16 hour days you do you research to figure what that is but that dont leave time for much esle but left me with money and wants she needed money i needed something else i called her she left the other kid at home with her live in boyfriend also that kids drug addict father and came laid with for i paid and she was on her way she she and him are bad examples or my son the right example is you work for what you want and you earn it and that drugs are bad as for my jod im a jod boater that aint on drugs thats rare you have no knowledge of my work ive never even been to the office where i work never met the boss rent off his brother never met my landlord neither they dont care what i do as long as i dont miss crew change and i pass my coast guard drug tests i can tell your from cali and are on bad terms with your x i can also tell im not wasting time reading your whole message i can alxo tell you think people owe you something and will put my months wages that if you even voted it was for obama AND HIS SOCAILIST views buts its your right the rant is why woman dont want fathers that Do the right thing To be apart of the childs life when there are woman the beg the pray for a man to try like i am frenkly i dont care what you say i dont stalk the ***** could careless about her i only care about my son her problem is control she wastes her childsupport on her and her daughter its ment for my son ***** not them you defend that you did the same she would strongarm more money from me on top to see him so i took the right was about things its the slow way but the right and im gaining a son you idiot ive tried being respectful but thats over i dont care who on this site in ny tiny town i know all of them this small town life somethibg you know not much about big suprise if im so bad a abuser a stalker why is the judge giving me my rights with the due process you stupid **** im sorry to the other people reading this but have really worked my nerves Nd i told you to look her up cuz you cabt see her cleanzness as to mine and our other childerns dont run your gums you carry no weight you cant live off tax payers like she does she can work just like me or the other lazy **** can but dont and beg for hand outs and if that makes me bad for wanting more of and for son show me the line for hell and ill wait my turn

"Every dime you shelled out on an attorney could have gone on your child's back, in his belly, or in a college fund. "

thank you pacificstar - couldn't have said it better