Amen, Sgurl.

There's SOOO much more to life than finding a partner.

But, I do know some people who just function better as an individual when they have someone with them.

no rebuttal necessary!

mhkr - are you sure that was in cali?? The ratio here is like 8 men to every 1 woman! Where was this??

BayGal wrote:
“But if he's sincere about seeing if something could develop, then there's nothing wrong with pursuing a few at a time. That's what "dating" is all about, anyway, isn't it?”

You have a valid point there. I think this is really the biggest reason I don’t date anymore. It’s not that I’m too shy to ask women out. I’m just tired of having to break their hearts when I don’t fall in love. I don’t come away from those situations feeling very good about it. Yet at the same time I can’t pretend to be in love and remain with them to live a lie either.

Dating sucks no matter how you look at it.

I hate dating. I don't want to date damn it!

I just want a partner!

Where the hell is she????

San Diego.

Figures.

Abra "I think this is really the biggest reason I don’t date anymore. It’s not that I’m too shy to ask women out. I’m just tired of having to break their hearts when I don’t fall in love. I don’t come away from those situations feeling very good about it. Yet at the same time I can’t pretend to be in love and remain with them to live a lie either. "

I agree with this. I feel really bad when it comes to turning someone down. You know how you "just know" you wouldn't be with a particular person, right? I was straightforward about it and they got upset at me for it. I can't lead someone on if I know in my "knower" it ain't gonna happen, but I felt awful after that. He made certain to let me know it too. But that's how it goes if you're true to yourself and to someone else's happiness.

Mnhiker - SD? Oh. That's not the Bay Area. Gotta watch out for them SoCal girls! It doesn't surprise me that you got slapped!

Interesting convo people. The girls are right.. for the shy men.. get over it, and ask her out.. you never know right, and No isn't such a big deal.. at least you tried. Men also have to learn how to read body language too. Some girls will flirt discreetly as well, hoping he'll make the first move. No matter what, rejection does suck, but I think women take rejection worse (we over think too much), therefore it's just been the norm for men to do the asking (Yes, I know it sucks for you men as well). Actually it is kind of funny when you think of women expecting the man to make the first move in this day and age of women climbing the male ladder. This might not be true for all women.. but in my ideal world.. a man to me is just that. He is the one that you feel safe with. He fixes your car, does all that man stuff, and therefore he makes the first move, because he's confident enough to do so.. therefore he must be the type to fight for you. Does that make sense?

No matter what.. love always falls in your lap when you least expect it.. but it doesn't hurt to push the door open a little.

this is essentially a personality thing.
some people really enjoy dating and getting to know
a wide variety of people. these extroverts find it
easy and natural and invigorating to date. others
find it trying, unnatural and difficult - men and women
both - but it is harder for them to find matches since
it is not as comfortable for them to socialize.

interestingly, it seems to be easier online.....for
all personality types...although the online experience
is so limited that it is hard to discover if it is a
great match without meeting in person.

but i don't think it is a sex-linked trait or merely
demographics...

I your "knower"

oh pfffffffffft.... to one of the posters ... Sayin women get more emails lol.. well I get tons only when Im going back n forth with someone..


But I initiate first for the most part.. I look see who has viewed and email the "potentials"(?) Not sure if that is the exact word im lookin for.. all the same.. Men are super big looky loo's .. chickens. That is why they dont get any dates! pffft.. <steps off soap box)

Baby - Well put! A woman wants to know her man is dependable and would do what it takes for her. He's got to be a leader in the relationship.

Slow - Very true. Meeting online is definitely a unique medium. Which is precisely why we need to open up the way we think about someone we communicate with. We are not always interpreting emails or IM's the way the other person intended.

Shotgun - Oh YOU!

And dating is such an exciting part of a relationship.. grrrrrrrrrr..

Getting to know someone is exciting.. Its not the dating, its meeting, get ur arse moving.. Start emailing everyone that catches ur eye.. who cares bout rejection its the freakn net.. What could be the worse thing that could happen? You get told no? oh no!

Cali "Start emailing everyone that catches ur eye.. who cares bout rejection its the freakn net.. What could be the worse thing that could happen? You get told no? oh no! "

I kind of disagree here. Not everyone wants to just meet anyone anymore. At some point life is good and you've got a good job, good friends, good family, etc. and you may not feel the need to just meet everyone and their brother anymore. That's when it can get really frustrating. When everything else is good and you are just waiting for the that spark to happen somewhere.

hmmmmm I was doing a spin off my other comment.. regarding women not emailing men...... IM saying. if your not getting the response from ur profile or forums or whatever the underlying problem .. seems simple eh?

No emails? YOU SEND them.. I never meant send em to undesirables.. oh geezzzz do I come across as someone that truly would feel that way? hmmm interesting but untrue..


peace..

I’m an introvert and would do well with a woman who is also an introvert. A couple of recluses nested in story book forest. That’s my ultimate dream. The only obstacle is that if we are both introverts and reclusive how are we ever going to meet? I was actually hoping that the computer age would help, but it doesn’t seem to be that way.

The other thing that I don’t understand, is why people who are extroverts can’t easily find people in person? If it’s that hard for extroverts who go out socializing all the time imagine how immensely difficult it must be for the reclusive introverts.

My sister, if VERY outgoing and social. She even a social worker! She goes out dancing every weekend and most weeknights too! She’s actually quite attractive. Yet, she hasn’t found a boyfriend in over 5 years? What’s up with that???? She’s not doing any better than I am!!!

In fact, when I stop and think about it, I think I've had more girlfriends than she's had boyfriends over the past 10 years. In fact, I'm absolutley certain of it!

yep - it would be frustrating to send out a lot of emails to those who catch your eye and draw your attention through their posts and profile - only to get widely ignored because the recipient is not immediately intrigued or interested....

however, i don't see any other way. if you want to get to know someone via the JSH site...you have to initiate interaction somehow. and it does not matter who initiates. only how the interaction unfolds. but it is not necessarily easy.

not all that difficult either....

Abra - I agree with the randomness of finding a mate. But that's why you just have to live your life and do the things you enjoy. I trust that the right person will come along, no matter how introverted, extroverted, shy, etc. That is what makes your own personal 'love story' so wonderful when it DOES happen!

Slow - "however, i don't see any other way. if you want to get to know someone via the JSH site...you have to initiate interaction somehow. and it does not matter who initiates. only how the interaction unfolds. but it is not necessarily easy. "

I agree. Who cares how the contact is made, as long as it was! People are too caught up with "rules", which actually feeds all the frustration!

Abra -

sometimes even if it is easier for the extrovert to socialize
and date - it may yet be quite difficult to find that *special* someone - depending on the undefinable inscrutability of the *special-ness* quality!

but the more interactions the better and the more diversification of interactions the better....

Slow "but the more interactions the better and the more diversification of interactions the better.... "

Yup. You just have to put yourself out there regardless of your natural personality type.