Hi,

I seriously need some advice. My problem is I am a gay and my family doesn't know this. Moreover they don't know homosexuality and I am a part of conservative society where marriage is an important and essential part of life. Now my parents have started looking for my marriage proposals, its hard to tell them I know they will not understand and will start take me as diseased.
From many days I am refusing for marriage but it will not last for longer. What to do, please help!

Gosh..My daughter is a lesbian...I've accepted her lifestyle, but her Dad never did...He passed away 2yrs ago, without accepting her and who she was...I don't really have any advice for you..Just that I support my daughter...

I hate to give out this advice, but this is an appropriate time for you to be selfish.

Do whatever makes YOU happy. Not what makes your parents happy.

If they are good people then they will come around eventually and accept you for who you truly are. Their SON. Not some random gay guy.

My daughter asked me why she was gay. It has been a while back. Now she wants me to be at her wedding to a guy this October. Her male friend in college was gay and they were good friend. I felt so sorry for her girlfriend because she said that she was too clingy. They slept in the extra room when my daughter brought her girlfriend here. I told her that I just wanted her to be happy whatever lifestyle she chose. It really freaked my son and me out when my daughter chose a man to marry. But my daughter said that he stalked her for over year and because of that he must love her.

There comes a time when the fledgling must fly from the nest.

My lesbian friend at work was getting angry because her folks couldn't accept her wanting to getting married to her lesbian girlfriend. I am so glad she has let down the superwoman thing. I come into work and she is exhausted. Then I do the superman thing and she tells me I am just showing off. You let people know you have a weak mind and a strong back and two things will happen. Either your back will get weaker while your mind gets stronger or you will be off work because you just can't stand up.

You are in a very tough spot, my friend. India and the US are very different societies, and I'm not sure anyone here is going to be able to help you. I don't know what the laws are there about homosexuality. If they aren't a problem but you will have to deal with social disgrace, then you are still facing a very rough test. This is exactly why it took such courage for the first gay men to come out of the closet in this country. I honestly don't know what you should do. Some people get married anyway and just don't consummate it. Some people find a way to avoid getting married, turning to spiritual paths, etc. You're going to have to look deep within yourself to see what you are capable of and what will allow you to be at peace.

Best wishes.

Aw, that STINKS. I understand exactly how you feel, I'm gay, I live in the Consevative Belt (Bible belt, but I'm a Christian and love Jesus with all my heart) and nobody accepts differences, for the most part. Yet, I think you should come out. It's better being with someone you're happy with in the long run than to forever strap yourself to someone you don't have feelings for. I believe homosexuality can't be changed, personally. So I don't want you to do something that might seem like an easy choice now (saying yes and marrying the girl) but will really bight you back later on, when you're sick of being stuck. Please come out. Good luck

Truth be told.

I bought a new house in a cul-de-sac once.
ALL my neighbors were from India.
(Silicon Valley.)
ALL had arranged marriages.
ALL hated their husbands.
Kids and all.
There is a point in there.

I hate cul-de-sacs. There's only one way out, and the people are kind of weird.

I hate cul-de-sacs. There's only one way out, and the people are kind of weird.


Reminds me of "The 'Burbs". Such an underrated film.



Sorry.

Well, in my cul-de-sac, their husbands would
not pay for equipment, like lawn mowers.
So the ladies would sit out ON the lawn, in
a group, and pull it out by hand.
They did a very nice job. Much practice.
They chatted away as they scooted around
on their buttons.
It was a picture, out the window I can tell you.

They were always laughing.
I gad a pool and would invite them over.
I got all the scoop.
They were a lot of fun.

People always get along much swimminglier if they have a common enemy or a common oppressor. In communist Hungary in my youth the whole country specialized in humour in their conversation (not that you'd notice that on my way of writing), and everyone was always laughing, with gurlgling, run-out-of breath, bent-over laughter and red feces, or if you were fat, then you'd let out a belly laugh like a stand-up elephant, and toot your horn. I then came to Canada, and people told me how awful it must live in a country which is gloom and doom, and people on the street never smile.

I don't know where these people got their information, but not from the same place that I'd come from.

Meet the happy female group of slow-moving grass-harvester sisters, and very soon there will be a contest for alpha female, with the same vicious or covert tricks that women of mid-west American one-church towns or women of subcultural groups of New York city have.

Grass pickers always look greener on the other side.

A lot of great writers, politicians and historians faced the same predicament in Europe, before gay issues and lifestyle became popular.

For instance, Oscar Wilde was pressured to leave his gay habits, to get married; he was jailed even, some of the time, for his gay practices. And he was a brilliant, brilliant man. Or take Hidda Schlapmeyer, the Grandmother of the suffragette movement. She had seventeen children with her husband, before she died at age 32, and nine of the children predecesed her. She was gay of course, and she couldn't tell her mother, of course, she probably did not know what was going on with her in precise terms. Our language shapes our thinking and values, not only the other way around. If there was no word for "gay" or "homosexual", then if you were one, how would you know you are one? I challenge you to think about that, deeply and fervently.

Anyhow. You can still marry, no problem. You somehow hold your nose and your breath, and manage to impregnate your wife a few times, and the entire duty will be paid by you. Your wife will be unhappy, sure, but you must train yourself to accept that it's not your fault, and moreover not your problem. She is she, you are you, and that's about the long and short of it.

You'll live a double life, sure, but it's not your own doing... society made you do it.

Adras, my name is also Andras. In my original language. Are your parents also from Szathmarnemethy?

I hate cul-de-sacs. There's only one way out, and the people are kind of weird.


Reminds me of "The 'Burbs". Such an underrated film.



Sorry.


I hear you, and understand you. But I still always as ever wanted to be a cul-de-sac resident. As a kid I thought that would be my last resort to become part of a community.

I also wanted to live in a cul-de-sac because it reminds me of octopuses and hydras and jellyfish. The food goes in, gets digested, and then comes out the same hole where it first went in. I always found it mysterious and a bit wonderful, in all my years in grade five, when we learnded about it. (I was held back about seven years in a row, and then once sent back from grade eight. That's why I am so terribly smart. It is very important, in fact, the most important, to get the basics of acedemia in and down pat to the letter.) A cul-de-sac also always has genle hills on the front lawns (coz they were too lazy to haul away the dirt they dug up to make the basements), and at least one magnificent looking, tall and majestic, weeping willowy blonde.