What if both parties had a decades long history of both cheating on the other? Would that even be worth getting involved with, for one incident?

What about circumstances where you know you will destroy their marriage, and there are children involved?

What if there is a history of violence in the relationship, or suicide attempts, and outing the truth risks a persons life?

Yes!

Interesting replies..thanks..thankfully I never was in that situation...and hope i never do....

AllsmilesinTulsa says:
Tue 07/24/07 06:06 PM
I was in this exact situation. I chose to tell my friend. She turned her back on me and sided with her husband who told her I was only telling her this because I "wanted" him. He continued to cheat on her and she finally caught him a couple of years later. She called me up and asked to meet for lunch. She regretted her choice to deny what she knew in her heart was true. We are still friends to this day.
________________________________________________________________________'

I have heard this happening alot, So I came to the conclusion years ago that if I was ever in this pickle, I would get PROOF, I would make damn sure the evidence is there then take my friend out and display the facts.
May sound harsh, but alot of people will believe thier spouse over a friend, even if they have second thoughts, in your case it worked out, but alot of friendships are lost due to this.

I think I'd definitely tell my friend. If they decide not to believe me.. then.. they can deal with it when it's resting on their shoulders.

.... i have a way of finding out if my girl is a hoe the details of which will remain classified. suffice it to say that if shes a hoe ill know because ill already know about her new beau. that much ill know and ill let her go.

I would tell my friend and have had my friend tell me about my ex, and did want to know obviously.


Massage - good questions.
First question - both have a history of years of cheating, guess that is not a big deal then.

Second question - where it could destroy the marriage with children involved, I would still feel compelled to tell my friend she was being cheated on. In this day and age, with the diseases and so on out there, and she does deserve to know, if he is cheating on her the marriage is over anyway and she needs to move on and make a new life for her and her kids.

Third question - wow - where violence and suicide attempts were involved. I lived with violence, and would still tell, she deserves to know and this may be the catalyst that would give her the nerve to break free from the dangerous marriage she is in - it could actually save her life in the long run. Suicide attempts - I would be there for her and help her get counseling, take her into my house if necessary, but still think she would deserve to know she is being cheated on. Maybe she knows he is cheating on her deep down inside and that is why she has attempted suicide in the past, to get his attention to make him stop cheating, so many variables to this question.

Hard questions - Massage.

LOL rapper much?

not bad for a white guy, huh?

How could I call myself their friend if I didn't?



There have been a few cases where I didn't tell. But that was because that I knew no matter what the girl would let him convince her to stay. So I figured why even put her through it?

NO WAY!!!!
I was in that situation and I lost a friend! I would never do it again.

You are always thinking Massage.


Question 1...doesn't matter, I'd still tell. The reason is that we are assuming that one party only is my friend. If it's both parties....that's tricky because it is not clear as to where my loyalties lie. In that situation I'd let them sort it out themselves and try to be a friendly ear to both. That way I might be able to see that they are only hurting themselves with their behavior.

Question 2...Absolutely. If there is a cheating spouse, then the marriage is already destroyed

Question 3...yes

My best friend...Hell yea...Even if he didn't believe me.......

Sure would without a doubt why:


Had it happen to me and yes my best friend at the time told me but........ actually already knew it was just trying to catch him. I'm one you can tell me but regardless I still have to see it with my own two eyes to me that is the closer. Yeah I did finily catch him he only thought he was slick but now half as sneaky as I was. What a rush you can have playing PI if you can keep your wits. Nothing like a Video Camera in tow.

To me that is about the lowest any human being can go is to cheat on the other. If you don't want to be with them don't drag there face in the MUD for your own benifit. Yeah mine happen along time ago we are actually on talking terms now. To me there is no second chance for that choice one makes.

I have lost a friend in the same situation because her boyfriend lied too...BUT in the end I knew I did the right thing...what she chose to do with the info was up to her...BUT I did what I needed to do....Eventually she caught him on her own and they aren't together anymore....

Even tho I know it would hurt my friend to know, I would tell

yes

I once asked a good friend of mine that if I knew her bf cheated on her, would she like to know. She said......No, she prolly wouldnt want to know. So I didnt tell her. Two years later, she looked at me and I just knew she knew and I asked if it was about so and so and she said yes.

She said to me....."You knew and didnt tell me?" I then relayed our conversation about it years earlier. She couldnt be mad because I was only doing what she asked....but I wanted to tell her so bad. She ended up having 3 kids with this guy and he is prolly still cheating on her

IF your really this persons friend. Why wouldn't you? Friends are there for the good or the bad!

I would rather my friend knew the truth right away instead of her finding out later that I knew all along and didn't tell her. She would have a right to know being my best friend.

However, I have an aunt and uncle and my uncle has many "friends" on the side of my aunt. I haven't told her, but I've wanted to many times. I don't think it's my place when it's extended family I rarely talk to. My uncle will get caught eventually and he knows it, too.