I've gotten better at accepting advice, think the older I get the less I take myself seriously. I don't believe in sugar-coating either. I'd rather the straight poop or no dice.

Good point, but since he said "talking to somebody" it sounds like he meant actually talking to somebody in general.

Pretty much the same either way, I would guess.

Awwww, thank you ma'am. And you are one of the most inteligent, sincere and kindest people I know.




















P.S. I think your compliments are damaging my reputation, but I love them anyways!

yw

I think it's human nature for people to give advice. Sometimes they don't realize that's what they are doing. Sometimes the other person thinks they ARE just having a discussion, but maybe you are taking it as advice.

Any way...when you post on public forums, people are going to post as they see fit. Whether it's advice, discussion, whatever.

In real life, maybe you should tell them upfront that you only want to vent and get it off your chest before you start. Others might think you are wanting advice. But you can't control what others say. If they give advice, after you told them you just want to vent, then you know next time not to vent to them.

JMO

Just your opin...and I totally agree Yellowrose...Only thing I would change is this...I think it is human nature for people to want to help....When someone starts venting, w/o qualifying they just want to vent, it is natural to assume the person is venting because they want advice or help....

if you want someone to listen and nod,
talk to a baby.
humans have this annoying tendency of making commentary on things that come out of your mouth.
often times this commentary leads to suggestions that are meant to help you.
i don't understand why they think their brilliant ideas are being solicited.
o.O
they're not,
and i'm sorry to break it to you,
but your ideas aren't brilliant.
this is why i've learned to type everything out but not show it to anyone.
works wonders!

This I like because whenever I asked something really deep I always kinda step back and mostly listen. If I just yack like a Turkey (delicious btw) on my own topic I'd be defeating the purpose of bringing it up in the first place.

Yeah, I agree. Sometimes I find it hard to tell if someone comes on here JUST to vent/have someone listen. Then when they get some responses they maybe get a bit defensive. A lot of people think I get that way because I do get passionate about what I say, depends on the topic, so I understand the confusion. I think it doesn't happen often with people who post. Other times it is obvious, usually it'll conclude with a "sorry guys I had to get it outta me" That's really obvious lol

The way I see it; when a person offers me advice its because they care about me. If they didn't care; they would say nothing. Advice is not nesessarily a bad thing but if I don't agree with their advice; I will tell them in a kind way how I feel. I think the only time it would upset me is if the person insisted on me taking their advice.

What I find most interesting is the state of mind of each person in this situation at the time it occurs, and understanding the actions/reaction of each that flow from that state of mind.


Its true that state of mind affects our reactions to various things (some would say completely, some would say to less degree but all would agree that this occurs at least to some degree)

Mental state of the person venting.
-Agitated, upset, angry, frustrated, frazzled, worried.

Mental state of the person listening to the venting who wants to offer advice.

-Everything that is NOT what is above.
-Usually -Calm, passive, unattached, helpful, peaceful, unengaged.

When you are agitated, you are going to react to advice with that state of mind.

Now if the person you are venting to/with ect has the exact same mental state as you, then you can commiserate with each other and dependent on what you are venting advice will not be what follows. Usually a lot of shouting about how right you both are . . .

When you are not agitated you are not going to understand why the person is reacting negatively to the advice, so the advice giver can get a bit defensive if you mention you didn't want advice since it seemed to flow so naturally from there own mental state.

My advice, try to understand your own mental state, and the mental state of the other person who you are engaging with. This makes life easier, and the people around you will like you. (if you didn't want Advice I dont care, I just think that highly of my own advice! haha)

If the person in question seems to be the ying to your yang at the moment and you dont want advice . . . dont engage, or do like one of the poster said on the first page . . . let them know you just want to vent.

The crux of course is that when we are upset the last thing we are good at is gauging our, no less, someone else mental state.

I actually get it. Sometimes we just need a listening ear.

I think ya should be a lil less.........

Critical!!!!!!

Except mine of course.

everyone knows torgo's a genius.

Yeah, he ain't alone there. Too big a title to just give to HIM

well no one else on mingle even comes close.

*folds*

She's learnin', b.