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| Topic: Cleaning Out Your Closet... | |
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If it were me, I would ask... "Oh did HELL FREEZE OVER? I didn't get the memo." Or "Oh do pigs fly now? I hadn't heard." lol! no, I decided not to drag things out and wrote back that since we stopped seeing each other I've removed the stupid sign on my forehead.Also told him I hoped he found someone just like him. If he doesn't get that jab then I'll just ignore him from now on. |
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Edited by
Rose94
on
Sat 01/07/12 06:44 PM
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Out of sight out of mind pretty much but that is not necessarily a negative - not in my life anyway Oh I totally agree. I boxed things up when I was going thru the break up. I can now go back and look at pictures and wear given items and just remember our happy moments together :) |
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Anyone who can compartmentalize an emotional relationship the way you all describe it, needs some serious help. Either that or you never were emotionally invested and were just using him. I remember all of my relationships; how it felt when it ended and the effect it had on me; whether I ended it or she did. I pray to God I don't ever hook up with anyone who has such a callous approach to relationship...
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Edited by
Jeanniebean
on
Sat 01/07/12 07:17 PM
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What callous approach are you talking about?
When its over it should be over? How can you really move on if you keep hanging on? |
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Metaphorically speaking...when a relationship and/or friendship is done, I tend to delete all references to that person and I don’t keep telephone number(s), email addresses, cards, letters etc. For me, this isn’t a ‘I hate you’ sort of thing, it’s just that I’m not overly sentimental and if I’m not going to keep in contact with that person, why would I hang onto their contact details? Are you the same or am I overly harsh? I do it too. Atleast once every two months I'll clean out my phone book, my fb friends list etc. I don't see the need as someone said earlier, to carry around "dead weight". Yes, some people get offended, especially when they call me in the middle of the night and I don't recognise their voices, but I don't apologise for it either. For me, regularly cleaning out my closet is a sign that I'm growing up. Old high school friends become that-girl-I-went-to-high-school with, people I know become people I used to know... Such is the cycle of life. I know you were talking about "dating" relationships but I really wanted to add to this. Totally relevant. |
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Edited by
doc38644
on
Sat 01/07/12 07:52 PM
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I'm not referring to "haning on". I'm talking about the toll it takes...Maybe I misread you all but it just sounded as though the relationships were just so much used up tissue to you all; to be discarded and forgotten as though it never happened. To me, there is a way to handle such things and a way not to....and when I say handle them, I mean how I handle them apart from her and how I learn from the experience. So, you see it's more than just love 'em and leave 'em; otherwise, what's the point?.........Anyway, maybe I missed the point here...I don't know...
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I'm not referring to "haning on". I'm talking about the toll it takes...Maybe I misread you all but it just sounded as though the relationships were just so much used up tissue to you all; to be discarded and forgotten as though it never happened. To me, there is a way to handle such things and a way not to....and when I say handle them, I mean how I handle them apart from her and how I learn from the experience. So, you see it's more than just love 'em and leave 'em; otherwise, what's the point?.........Anyway, maybe I missed the point here...I don't know... I understand. I see nothing wrong with staying in contact if there is a good reason. |
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Edited by
doc38644
on
Sat 01/07/12 08:07 PM
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I'm sorry...I guess I'm being confusing. I don't mean to suggest that I necessarily stay in contact. In some cases I have, when things ended amicably. I just meant that there is more to a break than just the cold snap of ending. There is a healing process, albeit without her there. There is a learning process, not only of what may have been wrong with her, but also with me. Getting rid of momemtos for the purpose of disassociation seems to me an exercise in futility. The tangible reminders may be gone, but there's really more to it than that isn't there.......otherwise, was there ever really a relationship at all?.....................Anyway,I guess I'm just rambling now...
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Well.......when it's over ........it's over.
Cant go back.....if ya wanna move ....forward. Why carry the baggage around. Just ....Let It Go!!!!!! JMO |
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I'm sorry...I guess I'm being confusing. I don't mean to suggest that I necessarily stay in contact. In some cases I have, when things ended amicably. I just meant that there is more to a break than just the cold snap of ending. There is a healing process, albeit without her there. There is a learning process, not only of what may have been wrong with her, but also with me. Getting rid of momemtos for the purpose of disassociation seems to me an exercise in futility. The tangible reminders may be gone, but there's really more to it than that isn't there.......otherwise, was there ever really a relationship at all?.....................Anyway,I guess I'm just rambling now... I think the faster you can accept that it is really over the faster you can heal and move on. I'm not saying it is easy, but it does not have to be a lengthy drawn out process. Endings themselves can last for a long time while both people are trying to hold it together. But when you finally realize its over, that is when you start to move forward. |
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OK...nevermind, I guess I'm just not being plain enough..........I didn't say anything about holding on or lingering or anything........but that's aright...
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Edited by
42BlackBBW
on
Sun 01/08/12 01:40 AM
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Anyone who can compartmentalize an emotional relationship the way you all describe it, needs some serious help. Either that or you never were emotionally invested and were just using him. I remember all of my relationships; how it felt when it ended and the effect it had on me; whether I ended it or she did. I pray to God I don't ever hook up with anyone who has such a callous approach to relationship... I guess it's easier to make an a$$ out of you and me and jump straight in without reading any (or very little) of previous comments including this one: I think it’s healthy to mourn the end of any relationship particularly if it was a close one however, as I stated in my original post, I just don’t feel the need to keep the associated memorabilia. It’s not a ritualistic thing, I don’t ruthlessly go through my contacts list, hunt for their name(s) and gleefully delete/erase. It’s just if I’m scrolling through my phone and come across their name, I’ll delete it...if I’m having a clear out and find a photo(s) of them, I throw it out.. Although I do agree with you in the fact that I do compartmentalise my emotions..I think everybody does to a degree. I can just imagine the look on the faces of my colleagues if I went into work heartbroken and devastated because a relationship ended. Or how my kid's would feel listening to their mum crying her eyes out following a break-up... Granted, I have used extreme scenario's...actually, thinking about it...these scenario's are not all that extreme. I have personally consoled colleagues (at work) that have been distraught following the end of a relationship... I also have friends (and have known people) whose children have lived through every single aspect (good and bad) of their relationships...I prefer not to do that and although you may call my ability to compartmentalise my emotions as a negative, I see it as a positive but hey, people are different! |
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Metaphorically speaking...when a relationship and/or friendship is done, I tend to delete all references to that person and I don’t keep telephone number(s), email addresses, cards, letters etc. For me, this isn’t a ‘I hate you’ sort of thing, it’s just that I’m not overly sentimental and if I’m not going to keep in contact with that person, why would I hang onto their contact details? Are you the same or am I overly harsh? I do it too. Atleast once every two months I'll clean out my phone book, my fb friends list etc. I don't see the need as someone said earlier, to carry around "dead weight". Yes, some people get offended, especially when they call me in the middle of the night and I don't recognise their voices, but I don't apologise for it either. For me, regularly cleaning out my closet is a sign that I'm growing up. Old high school friends become that-girl-I-went-to-high-school with, people I know become people I used to know... Such is the cycle of life. I know you were talking about "dating" relationships but I really wanted to add to this. Totally relevant. I was referring to all types of relationships afriQ. I agree with MsHarmony when she wrote about evolution...I think that that relationships with people in my life either evolve as I do or de-evolve and are no longer...for lack of a better word...relevant. |
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