one of my favorite djs on the radio this morning asked that we ladies ask the men we are involved with this question, I have no man so Im asking in general....lol

the dj seemed to feel like women imprison men after they get involved in a commitment, and that women should continue to give men the same 'freedoms' they had before the commitment(he was actually talking about marriage, not just monogamous dating)


I say, you are either going forward, going backward, or standing still

and only that last one can happen without any change,,,,,

do you think 'freedom' and marriage ?

if so, in what way?

Well you may or may not like this, but in a way, I would sa
yYES, due to I have not found a woman that is,

It really depends on what a person means by freedom.

So most relationships involve monogamy. If by freedom we mean everything except polygamy then yes I think many women want to reign in a man in more ways than just sexual.

If the DJ meant allowing polygamy then I think he is dreaming. People, ie both sexes, are typically jealous and polygamy IMHO in modern society cannot work.

However, I have had more than a handful of relationships in the past 15 years and out of those only a few girlfriends of any real duration where insecure and wanted to restrict my independent nature.

I tend to break things off so its probably true that women who try to control me don't get far in the relationship before I bail.

I do however have friends who have these relationships where they seem to just follow behind the women like a small puppy, yes dear this, ok dear that, never seem to voice any kind of objection to anything, and never step up to claim what they want even if its something small.

I hear on the back end that they complain . . . man she never lets me _________ < fill in the blank.

I can remember at least one girlfriend who dumped me and her friend told me it was becuase I would just do my own thing. Basically I would not drop everything at her whim at any given moment . . .

I think control is one of those things that some human beings find necessary. Me, I just dont get riled up about the small stuff.

Ohh honey you want to go out tonight, ok. No conversation needed about where, or with who, or when your going to get back.

I treat adults like adults, and I know some people want to treat there spouses like children.

I also here some people talk about the opposite sex as if they are child like, or act like children . . . well nothing will loose me faster than that . . .

What freedoms did he say were being taken away? I ask because I've seen men post here about how women should be all about them, rather than their friends and anything else. So, seems that some men want to take away freedom as well.

Of course, control is a human trait, not gender specific. In fact I really cannot think of gender specific behavioral traits that are not cultural in nature.

Yeah, I don't think it's a gender specific trait at all. I'm not going to be into a guy who tells me I'm not allowed to see my friends or go out without him, so I can see why men would not want women like that as well.

I think its probably well intentioned most of the time, probably also extremely simplistic. Oh he/she just needs some guidance . . . blah blah blah, or if he could only settle down . .blahblahblah, or he/she drinks too much.

I did have a gf that drank too much. She would get black outs, not remember, and would not see that as a problem. I explained that it just wasn't something I could handle, and I bailed.

Id rather dip out of a relationship then try to change someone. If they end up changing and want to start fresh cool, if not oh well.

Maybe that is why I am happy, and single. lol

Mutual respect.

I feel the same. And it's not my place to tell someone what they should or shouldn't be doing. Forbidding an adult to see their friends? Or go out with their friends? I wouldn't do that and would not expect someone I'm dating to do so either.

My guy can have all the freedom he wants!

Oh wait....I dont have a guy.

I've been with some who definitely wanted to take my freedom away. That's a problem.

Even worse are the ones who want to take my identity away. And that's a much bigger (and more ubiquitous) problem.

IMO, I think it’s unhealthy to suffocate your guy. If your insecurities are such that you can’t trust your man to be faithful when out of your sight or you feel that you need to curb him too much, then you’re probably in the wrong relationship. However if your guy is spending too much time with his friends and not enough time with you and he fails to acknowledge your feelings, then it’s time to look for someone else.

As a person, I am looking for a monogamous relationship but I’m also a firm believer in both parties having different interests and social groups. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who’s wrapped around me 24/7 even if we were cohabiting.

This. Exactly this.

Because I know from personal experience that their is a very fine line between not suffocating someone and being taken advantage of. lol

Oh Shannon!!!!! Beat me , Spank me, Make me wright bad checks!!!!!

I hear from my married male friends and guys that are in relationships that they have no freedom and need to be accountable to their significant others every minute of the day. So, yes I can see where guys are not getting enough freedom. Guess that is where the term "ball and chain" came from. Me, I used to punt my guy out of the house and tell him to go spend time with his friends.

I'm FREE

And that is exactly my point. I don't want a man to lose his identity or individuality just because we are a couple. I was never a believer that as a couple you have to do everything together as we both still have our own lives outside of the relationship and its meant to be enjoyed.