A very good female friend of mine compares 21st Century dating to microwaveable ready meals.

What she means by this is that is if we (both genders) don’t put out on the first date, we’re dumped. If we wear the wrong clothing, we’re dumped. If we don't drive the right car, we're dumped. If we don’t give BJ’s we’re dumped. If your eye lashes are too long/short, we’re dumped. Basically, we’re too quick to dump or are dumped.

Obviously, I am simplifying for effect but from my own personal experiences of dating, I know that I am wary of making too many compromises early on, particularly if I am the only one compromising.

Don’t get me wrong, I would have the conversation but if nothing changed, I would dump or be dumped.

This is a bit of a contradiction for me because I believe that if I met someone that is mutually compatible, over time, once trust, respect, likeability, love etc had been established, a partner, can be moulded (for lack of a better word), into my ideal...logically, I know that this doesn’t happen overnight. It isn’t automatic. It takes time...I know all of this but have still fallen into the 5 minute ready meal trap? Why is this?

Have we evolved into a society of microwave daters i.e. those wanting effortless relationships?

Microwave is good :-)
I think more like it is a giant
'Seinfeld' episode.
The smallest of flaws never
goes unnoticed.
Standing too close is cause enough
to be dumped.
They were all single.

we still like our meals made with real food and our lovin in the real all grown up electric oven???

my guess anyway

I'm withya on this


p.s. I do not own a microwave...

I love your OP!!! Your friend makes a valid point! The only thing I use my microwave for is warming up my coffee...When I cook, I like to get involved. I like to cut it, slice and dice it, touch it, wash it, braise it, fry it, steam it, smell it simmering on the stove top or baking in the oven, savor it....same thing goes for dating!!

Although (I think) I have grown more tolerant as I age, the same can’t be said for my patience...don’t get me wrong, I always try to give people the benefit of doubt...I’m just less willing to give guys too many chances.

And it’s not just me, It’s guys as well... Maybe it’s a suburban thing....people living in big cities have developed a renewed fondness of microwavable, convenience food... IDK...

One of the many things I am extremely grateful about my aging process is that I am no longer interested in commercialism, material wealth and aesthetics when it comes to the people in my life.

For me it isn’t about how much something cost, how attractive a person is or nitpicking every fault. It’s about the pace of life and the ‘I want it now’ mentality

Regardless of how involved I get when I cook, the people that I'm cooking for seem to favour microwaveable meals.

If I had cooked for one person that enjoyed ready meals, I would just put it down to that person not enjoying a home cooked meal, but it’s as if the whole world and it's wife is shacking up with a ready meal or 10

I'm glad there's one person out there that doesn't think I've only just landed on planet earth

This isn't really true because if it is the first date you are not dating and thus can't be dumped.

No milk for you kitty

Technically, you are right but you are assuming that 'people' vocalise the outcome of a first date. Not all people are upfront and state sometime during or at the end of the date that it's unlikely that there will be a second date.

Actually, we weren't referring to first dates...I was telling her about the end of my volatile 7 month relationship when she came out with her pearl of wisdom.

I think so. I have found a lot of good stuff at the dump. I remember this one time down in Alabama where they make a lot of mobile homes they were throwing a lot of trailer walls away. My dad built a whole house out of the walls. It wasn't as easy as Legos but he did get the pieces to fit together. Earlier, this one time we found a lot of tools that other people had left when they were saving bolts. Same way when we would go fishing together we would go in the Jon boat and pick the lures out of the trees after the water level would go down. A discerning eye sometimes will sometimes find you all kinds of treasures.

Totally agree...and not a microwave in sight

Microwwave dating and dumpvill in a moment,hmmm that sucks things have changed what ever happend to the old school ways when people were not so picky.I guess the heart means nothing any more and your car clothes and size does, thats sad cuz heart is where its at.Martin

Hi Martin,

When my friend (who’s been a in relationship for 25 years) and I were talking, our conversation encompassed more than a person’s visual appearance and materialism. It was more about the I want it now and the assumption that the grass was always going to be greener mentality….she was basically saying that (in her opinion) people were not really taking the time to really know someone before deciding that they’re unsuitable.

Being on of the people that she considers as a microwave dater, she was basically saying that I gave up on men without giving them a chance – having known me since I was three years, I guess she’s ‘qualified’ to say this to and about me …. Knowing myself, I know that I don’t always have the patience to get to know someone… even on this site, I know that I can (sometimes)be guilty of dismissing emails if I get a message that says “Hi” or “Tell me something about you?”… telling myself that men who send ‘these’ types of emails must be unimaginative and/or uninteresting if all they can think of to say to me is “Hi”.

If I'm honest...I think that my brain's still trying to work out if 'giving someone a chance' equates to settling while the other half hasn’t quite worked out whether I’m lying .

Maybe I’m not really to relinquish my desire for microwavable ready meals.

A while back I told you guys about a friend of mine who is "one great guy". Some thought it was cool that I was doing this and others I'm sure rolled their eyes as they do with about anything, always taking the slightly negative or critical view.

Well, I'm very happy to announce that my friend is one step away from the life time love he has always sought. How did this happen? It's simple, they both came together as open as possible. Money was not a main issue, nor was looks, nor was what is right or wrong about each other. In fact when they first met and he was seeing her and maybe one or 2 more on a first meet type of thing I told him that he needed to run toward this woman and let her run toward him and watch what happens. I've seen this before and it hardly ever fails. If a person is spending their time being picky over things that don't matter they might as well hang up their dating cap or get ready for a relationship that is going to be painful. Sometimes, many times we are so closed minded that we don't see the beauty around us.

When you were in high school remember how there were some in your class that you thought were hot and others not so much? After you got out of school and a couple of years went by you ran into those not so hot ones and said wow! remember? Well, open your eyes people. You are your own worse enemy much of the time. Dating today can really stink with all of it's fake seasonings. If your hungry jump in and prepare your food. If the ones you meet aren't ready for your level of maturity move on. If you happen to have a fast food date, so? Don't judge yourself or your love life by this. Maybe even getting dumped quickly could be the best thing that could ever happen to you. You don't know what's going to flip that switch for you and them so why try to analyze it to death.

Here's a way I know if someone is ready for a real responsible relationship. After meeting someone do you look at their negatives or positives? Do you see what you perceive as their faults to be something they need to change or something that has potential for them under the right conditions? When I see people always jumping to judge way before they look into the whys and possibilities I shake my head and say "long way to go".

You know what I think are the number one and two qualities in a mate over any other including looks? patience and kindness. If these two are genuine there is a beauty that glows around a person.

You two have left me much to think about lol.

No offense intended MG as I have come to appreciate your non jocular comments but as I said to my friend (who is in a relationship)..it's easier to comment when your not on the playing field

Darn it. I thought this was a "how to" thread. I had my microwave all ready to go.

If only ma honey

And this is exactly why I can't stay in a relationship for more than 3 months. Every time I get involved with someone, she wants to CHANGE me. I don't need to be changed, I don't need to be fixed -- I'm not broken. I'm not going to be a parent, and there is simply no amount of lies, deception, manipulation, persuasion, etc., that will ever change that.

I think they see this as some sort of challenge.

The very things she SAYS drew her to me in the first place are the very things she tries to eliminate. This makes no sense to me.

If you want THAT guy, go after him in the first place, right? What's the sense in going after his opposite and then trying to change him
into something he can never be, and never wants to be?



I don't expect an effortless relationship. Relationships are a lot of work.

I do want someone who will accept me as I am. Apparently, this is not possible.

And, were it not for the microwave, I would never have a hot meal!