so, heres the deal

I was with ONE man the past ten years, and I wasnt with him very often. I have two children(one is over 18 the other a toddler) who I am pretty determined to raise in a certain way. I also feel any future partner would have to be on board with me in raising whatever children were in our home TOGETHER, regardless of biology.


Now, cut to the chase. I am considering doing the whole 'dating' thing again next year after I am moved, and starting over.

I am completely CLUELESS about the expectations these days though. So my question is more a request for opinions.


I know I want to start as 'friends', but I dont plan to limit myself to making only one friend. How do men usually view the situation of a female having more than one male friend?

Would a guy that was interested in a female generally change his mind about pursuing a relationship if he found that she was the 'type' with multiple male friends?

How does a guy usually bring up the topic 'I want to be mutually exclusive'

and does that apply only once a relationship is intimate, or do guys generally like to be the only one the girl spends any time with?

As long as they're only friends, who cares if they're male or female. IMO, there's something REALLY wrong if the guy doesn't let his gf have friends.

Also I didnt write this. But I agree with it pretty fully. Kind of deals with your question I think.








This may be a controversial topic, because I've seen SO many threads and posts where guys let their girlfriends hang out with their 'Guy Friends' because they are not 'Insecure'. It makes me ****ing rage. What's happening to the human male?

I have no problem with my GF talking openly with other guys or being around other guys when I'm around. That's no big deal.

But I would never let my GF go 'jogging' with a guy, 'Study' with him, 'grab a drink' with him. Why the phuck should I?

If you worked all day for a well earned hot dinner when you got home. would you allow me, a stranger, to grab your plate and sniff it really, really well? Maybe even try biting it? Breathing all over it? Bit of slober on that steak? Phuck no there would be a topless fight between us and there damn right should be.

It's dog eat dog with other men and your woman. Especially if they're strangers. If you think otherwise you deserve what you get in the end. Stand the phuck up and take control like a man. No you're not going to the bar with Mike for a drink. It's disrespectful to me and our relationship. Simple.

the 'Insecure Male' has become a word used to describe men like myself. Those who don't share their girlfriends. Why? Because women have been given a sense of superiority by the males who allow their girlfriends to meet guys when they like. It shows utter disrespect to your partner. I say, Nay, I am not insecure, I'm just not naive.

wow

so one 'a friend is a friend'

and one 'a male friend is unwanted and disrespectful competition'


,,,not helping me out alot here guys,,lol

Well you got think of it from a guys perspective. If you like this guy and want to date him then why are you interested in meeting other guys? Most guys would be jealous if the girl they were seeing was meeting other guys even if they dont admit it. And honestly unless a guy is gay the only real reason he wants to hangout with a girl is because he s attractd to her more than just as a friend. The majority of guys will not put the effort in to hangout with a girl unless they think their is the possibilty there could be sex or something more. Sorry to say but its the truth and jut natural. Just be careful seeing "friends" because your guy might just end up seeing "friends" of his own. Im not saying you would cheat or anything but you just got to ask yourself what you want when your with someone I guess. Lol its late Im all over the place

no, its no problem

this is where Im confused actually, where and how do two people go from hanging out and getting to know each other, to 'dating' or being exclusive, and are dating and being exclusive generally the same thing to a guy

will a guy stop seeing any other girls because he finds one he is 'interested' in?

and is that something that should be assumed on both sides right away or something that should be decided together(That the 'dates' are mutually exclusive of anyone else,, that is)?


personally, I dont even BEGIN to assume until the L word comes up,, than its time for the dynamics to change or for us to move on,,,

Ok when you first meet a guy. And your talking and youve nly gone out a few times its ok to still meet other peopl. You guys arent dating yet and your still getting to know each other so its not like you have commitmntin that regard. But once youve gone out a while and agreed to be "exclusive" then yea I would not go out and be meeting or hanging out with guy "friends" alone anymore. Im not saying your not going to keep options open in cas the relationship doesnt work. Becuase most people will. But I am saying once your with someone officially its not really right or fair to the other person to be going out or hanging out with other guys like that. Unless of course you have an open relationship which is compltely up to the couple. Hope some of that made sense lol.. Its confusing though and its just my opinion everyone would have their own Im sure.

ok, that makes it a bit easier for me anyhow, lol

I dont like to assume and I wasnt sure if the 'dating' culture had certain givens that I should know

I agree, its just hanging out until both people AGREE they want something exclusive,, that makes sense to me,,

Exactly you guys arent really a couple until you both agree to be official. But at the same time you dont want to lead him on into thinking your official and then still see other guys. Or vice versa. So just be careful with that and make sure that being exclusive is what you want.. Lol there's so many relationships these days. Just convential dating is almost an enigma it seems at times.

lol, exactly

I remember when it was a 'given' that guys and girls start as friends

now 'friend' is a putdown or a dirty word when guys hear it,,,


,,,changing times,,

I sometimes wish I could just go back in date in a time when there wasnt cellphones or facebook! Lol but then again they have their advantages so I shouldnt complain too much...

dont get me started on the new social technology,, more problems than good,, but so addictive,,lol

You would never let your girlfriend do these kind of things? Meaning you'd forbid her to hang out with a male friend? I don't know about others, but I wouldn't be interested in a guy who tried to forbid me to see friends, whether they were male or female.

My thought is, if I am interested in a woman and she would rather hang out with some other male "friend" rather than me, then she is not that interested in me or is just shopping around.

Not necessarily. I spend a lot of time with friends, both male and female. I'm not one to drop friends when I'm dating someone like others I know. You know those kind of people.. when they start dating someone, you never see them anymore. If someone I was dating stopped hanging out with his friends just to be with me all the time, I'd find that more of a red flag than a lot of other things.

"My mama told me, you better shop around.."

I just got back from shopping a little while ago, and it appears words are still cheap.

I think it all hinges on whether there is a commitment. I agree with Mr Dolla's post, once you are in a relationship with someone, it is disrespectful generally to be socializing with the opposite gender without him there - for any but work related reasons.

- but while you are on friendly terms with no commitment to any one person, I see no issue with dating more than one person.

This is why the issue of "mutually exclusive" that you raised is so important. And, I would like to hear more on that from the guys because it seems that they get all bent out of shape when women "play the field" but at the same time they are the first ones who will refuse to commit.

so guys, what is the best way to deal with the commitment shy male who wants the woman to be exclusive when HE refuses to commit???