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| Topic: Dumped and can't work out why ... | |
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Hey everyone I'm new to this site, although been on and off other sites for a few years. Okay, where to start.
Over two years ago, my ex broke my heart. I spent all of the next two years making sure I wouldn't let myself get involved until I was over that pain. I dated a lot, no-one got hurt, it was fun. Anyway a couple of months ago I met this one guy, who was different. He was so lovely to me and seemed very interested. The dating progressed quickly and he would come round my house every day, texting every day. He would stare in my eyes and tell me how beautiful (beautiful, not cute, sexy!) he thought I was. I let my guard down and started to fall for him. We decided to be in a relationship and everything was great. Last Friday morning he left my house and everything was fine. He didn't contact me for all of the day, which I thought was a bit strange, but he said he had been busy at work and I believed him. Although when he came round that night I could sense something had changed. I tried to be normal, but the weekend was very weird. Anyway he left Sunday morning and then I got 'the call' on Monday evening 'I don't think this is going to work out.' I just don't know where I went wrong or what could have happened. It was always him wanting to see me, making forward thinking plans, telling me he didn't want anyone else. This isn't the worst thing that ever happened and I'm not sat at home crying, but I am really confused and shocked by it all. The only thing I can think is that maybe his ex or someone else got in touch on the Friday and he decided they were more suited in the long run. Anyone got any ideas? |
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I feel you..
same ****. 
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The best, most intelligent, most creative, most interesting girlfriend I ever had, I met on line in 1999 and in person in 2000. We've been doing this back-and-forth, on-again-off-again thing for 11 years now.
The last time we broke up was about 2 1/2 years ago, and I still have no idea why. Not a clue. There was a point when I realized I simply didn't want to play yo-yo anymore. One day, she needs me and can't live without me, the next day, I'm exiled to the moon or someplace. As the abbreviationists like to say, WTF? I finally decided it's probably not even worth the effort anymore. I do love her, in so many ways, she's everything I ever wanted in a partner (except for the consistency problem), she even did the covers for my first two books. But.... I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes you're not going to know what happened, why someone did what they did. And, in the long run, there's not much sense worrying about it. What's done is done, I suppose. Just try to learn something from it and use that knowledge in the future, if and when the need arises. |
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I had a girlfriend in college that was great. We got along fine and spent about two years together. I decided that I wanted to see what it was like to date other people so I ended the relationship. The reality is that I was not yet mature enough to realize what a "find" she was. Many men under the age of thirty are not grownups. Some never are. Be thankful that he broke up with you instead of cheating.
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ask him if he wont talk to u guess u wont know but sounds more something he had going. u can beat yourself up but i see y, if u did the best u could treated him like u wanted to be treated than it was him not u. move on lesson learned.
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You most likely didn't do anything wrong. He may well have just had a change of mind...as we all do at times.
Don't give up on relationships....and don't be scared or avoid the pain in the event of a relationship failing. You have got to experience the pain to appreciate the happiness....without the pain we have nothing to measure happiness against. I am a firm believer in what is meant to be will be and what isn't won't be. He wasn't meant to be. Good luck, stay strong. Someone will be out there for you.....there are worse things than being single 
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Sounds to me that he probably has commitment issues. It's not an easy thing to get over. I wouldn't put any blame on yourself. if he won't talk to you and give you a reason then that could be a sign of him having comunication issues also. So in the long run you are better off that it's over. Good luck with the joys of dating. It's not always a bad thing.
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seems to me that relationships are all about timing. we start out wanting to be in a relationship, any relationship. then as things progress some get comfortable (that's when we start to take the other for granted), some get advice from friends, co-workers, or family ( that's when we get wishy washy), some fall into the search for the BBD (bigger, better, deal), and others just know that life will never be any better. so if you are in one area and your partner is in another, the timing is off. you both need to be in the right place at the right time. why you aren't both there doesn't matter really, and any attempt to figure out why will just uncover excuses
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That really sucks. I had something similar happen. Things were going good and then BAM! "I've met somebody."
it happens. sometimes you never find out why. you'll meet someone new before long. if you don't, drop me a line. . . . |
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(1) You may never know.
(2) This could drive you whacko, the wondering. (3) If they are capable of the silent 'dump' it is good it happened early in the relationship. (4) The bad choices are stepping stones to the good ones. (5) Avoid getting jaded. (6) Hone yourself. You control no one else. |
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Hey everyone I'm new to this site, although been on and off other sites for a few years. Okay, where to start. Over two years ago, my ex broke my heart. I spent all of the next two years making sure I wouldn't let myself get involved until I was over that pain. I dated a lot, no-one got hurt, it was fun. Anyway a couple of months ago I met this one guy, who was different. He was so lovely to me and seemed very interested. The dating progressed quickly and he would come round my house every day, texting every day. He would stare in my eyes and tell me how beautiful (beautiful, not cute, sexy!) he thought I was. I let my guard down and started to fall for him. We decided to be in a relationship and everything was great. Last Friday morning he left my house and everything was fine. He didn't contact me for all of the day, which I thought was a bit strange, but he said he had been busy at work and I believed him. Although when he came round that night I could sense something had changed. I tried to be normal, but the weekend was very weird. Anyway he left Sunday morning and then I got 'the call' on Monday evening 'I don't think this is going to work out.' I just don't know where I went wrong or what could have happened. It was always him wanting to see me, making forward thinking plans, telling me he didn't want anyone else. This isn't the worst thing that ever happened and I'm not sat at home crying, but I am really confused and shocked by it all. The only thing I can think is that maybe his ex or someone else got in touch on the Friday and he decided they were more suited in the long run. Anyone got any ideas? Sweetie, the ONLY person that can answer this is HIM. Perhaps call him and ask if you can talk. When you start tell him no hard feelings, but the question is driving you bonkers. Then see if you can get him to tell you. Good Luck, I feel your pain. (Been cheated on in the past, and took years to actually get the answer why)
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Sounds like he isn't worth worrying over, to be fair :)
He sounds quite selfish. You're quite stunning anyway, so i bet there's plenty of other men who'd want you. Hell, if i was a man i'd probably want you too. lol. Only being honest. Nevertheless, you want a guy who wants you for who you are. I'd forget him. Only remember the bad bits about him. It tends to help. |
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Don't know what to say, and I'm not going to give you any advice, as it's not my best field.
But, I think for a 26 year old. I find you rather impressive in many respects :) |
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Hey everyone I'm new to this site, although been on and off other sites for a few years. Okay, where to start. Over two years ago, my ex broke my heart. I spent all of the next two years making sure I wouldn't let myself get involved until I was over that pain. I dated a lot, no-one got hurt, it was fun. Anyway a couple of months ago I met this one guy, who was different. He was so lovely to me and seemed very interested. The dating progressed quickly and he would come round my house every day, texting every day. He would stare in my eyes and tell me how beautiful (beautiful, not cute, sexy!) he thought I was. I let my guard down and started to fall for him. We decided to be in a relationship and everything was great. Last Friday morning he left my house and everything was fine. He didn't contact me for all of the day, which I thought was a bit strange, but he said he had been busy at work and I believed him. Although when he came round that night I could sense something had changed. I tried to be normal, but the weekend was very weird. Anyway he left Sunday morning and then I got 'the call' on Monday evening 'I don't think this is going to work out.' I just don't know where I went wrong or what could have happened. It was always him wanting to see me, making forward thinking plans, telling me he didn't want anyone else. This isn't the worst thing that ever happened and I'm not sat at home crying, but I am really confused and shocked by it all. The only thing I can think is that maybe his ex or someone else got in touch on the Friday and he decided they were more suited in the long run. Anyone got any ideas? |
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Thank you all for your comments.
Just as an extra, yes I did tell him all about my dreams, from the onset. My dating profile at the time mentioned it all and he seemed very interested and supportive. I plan to move to London next year and give everything to the screenwriting career I desire. That was one of the brief things he mentioned on the phone as to why we wouldn't work, which is fair enough. But he always knew this, so I don't think he should have let himself get close to me. If he would have left it as a casual thing that would have been fine, that's what usually happens. Also just last Tuesday he was telling me he wanted me to meet his Dad and his close friends. I can't contact him now as I deleted his number quickly. I didn't want to get drunk and end up contacting him, so thought it was for the best. A few minutes after the phone-call he also deactivated his facebook account. Oh well, I probably should stop over-thinking it all now and just move on. I have learnt that I will never let things move so fast again. Once again, thank you all for your words. I wish you all the best of luck in your dating lives :) |
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Hey at least you've got your screen-writing. I think that's quite a special talent. It sounds fascinating. Not sure when you move to London. But best of luck :)
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The only one who can answer this question is him.
Tie him up. Not loose this time. Use the ball gag... until he is ready to talk freely.  Crack him like a whip. 
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Hey everyone I'm new to this site, although been on and off other sites for a few years. Okay, where to start. Over two years ago, my ex broke my heart. I spent all of the next two years making sure I wouldn't let myself get involved until I was over that pain. I dated a lot, no-one got hurt, it was fun. Anyway a couple of months ago I met this one guy, who was different. He was so lovely to me and seemed very interested. The dating progressed quickly and he would come round my house every day, texting every day. He would stare in my eyes and tell me how beautiful (beautiful, not cute, sexy!) he thought I was. I let my guard down and started to fall for him. We decided to be in a relationship and everything was great. Last Friday morning he left my house and everything was fine. He didn't contact me for all of the day, which I thought was a bit strange, but he said he had been busy at work and I believed him. Although when he came round that night I could sense something had changed. I tried to be normal, but the weekend was very weird. Anyway he left Sunday morning and then I got 'the call' on Monday evening 'I don't think this is going to work out.' I just don't know where I went wrong or what could have happened. It was always him wanting to see me, making forward thinking plans, telling me he didn't want anyone else. This isn't the worst thing that ever happened and I'm not sat at home crying, but I am really confused and shocked by it all. The only thing I can think is that maybe his ex or someone else got in touch on the Friday and he decided they were more suited in the long run. Anyone got any ideas? another woman was my first thought also and we ladies have good instincts... and I thought that because if there are no substantial issues between you and everything was going well...USUALLY....the only thing that can wreck that is if another woman comes into the picture and he is a fickle type of person yanno I feel for you also. I want to hear "I love you" not your're beautiful....there's a ton of beautiful women out there, but very few or only one that a man will actually love in his life time |
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I had a girlfriend in college that was great. We got along fine and spent about two years together. I decided that I wanted to see what it was like to date other people so I ended the relationship. The reality is that I was not yet mature enough to realize what a "find" she was. Many men under the age of thirty are not grownups. Some never are. Be thankful that he broke up with you instead of cheating. true yabut I have an ex boyfriend who would break up so he could cheat....and 2-3 weeks later was on the phone "oh baby oh honey blah blah blah" why I took him back more than once escapes me now. must've been the sex seriously, it just took me awhile to figure out what he was up to - that way he could cheat and say it was not cheating - the sly fox 
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Hey everyone I'm new to this site, although been on and off other sites for a few years. Okay, where to start. Over two years ago, my ex broke my heart. I spent all of the next two years making sure I wouldn't let myself get involved until I was over that pain. I dated a lot, no-one got hurt, it was fun. Anyway a couple of months ago I met this one guy, who was different. He was so lovely to me and seemed very interested. The dating progressed quickly and he would come round my house every day, texting every day. He would stare in my eyes and tell me how beautiful (beautiful, not cute, sexy!) he thought I was. I let my guard down and started to fall for him. We decided to be in a relationship and everything was great. Last Friday morning he left my house and everything was fine. He didn't contact me for all of the day, which I thought was a bit strange, but he said he had been busy at work and I believed him. Although when he came round that night I could sense something had changed. I tried to be normal, but the weekend was very weird. Anyway he left Sunday morning and then I got 'the call' on Monday evening 'I don't think this is going to work out.' I just don't know where I went wrong or what could have happened. It was always him wanting to see me, making forward thinking plans, telling me he didn't want anyone else. This isn't the worst thing that ever happened and I'm not sat at home crying, but I am really confused and shocked by it all. The only thing I can think is that maybe his ex or someone else got in touch on the Friday and he decided they were more suited in the long run. Anyone got any ideas? it could be alot of things, not really enough information to say maybe there was just an incompatibility that didnt come to a head until that time (for him) and he didnt want to drag it out maybe something was said or not said, maybe something was done or not done how much or a 'relationship' were you in and did you both agree or discuss at any time what the dynamics and expectations were? dont rack your brain over it, In my 'old age' I have really discovered a liberating idea to love yourself and be your own partner, work on those things about yourself that YOU genuinely want to change but dont let others pressure you to change what you dont feel a desire to, and MOST DEFINITELY accept that people are either gonna mesh with who you are or they not (be grateful anytime you or the other can be honest enough to recognize that fact, move on, and let you do the same) and then,, you can always let the confusion settle for a few days and then call and ASK him,,,,for your own peace of mind |
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