I thought you liked honesty? Should people have said something different in order not to offend you?

Something i learned the hard way, i didn't really challenge myself to be honest. I always gave easy answers usually with funny reply's hiding my truth, which in reality were excuses.

I don't believe he is offended, i believe he is being sincere and asking for others to do the same. He is even giving great examples of what will hopefully make people answer in an honest and sincere manner with really giving thought to it. Maybe he is going to help a few people open their eyes. Maybe not. But it's not for me to judge. I feel like he is just being real and trying to open some hearts and eyes that appear to be closed to important things.

Smooches on Sing's cheek and asks what song ya wanna hear :P i ll be in music lol.

Who is saying they're not sincere, though? He may disagree with what they've said, or think they're being selfish, but why does that mean they aren't being honest?

I m not trying to fight about it because i wont. I am sorry that we have different opinions, but i believe once you read those questions and answer them with an honest answer from your heart, that's when you are being sincere. What he said was there are some selfish answers, and if that is their answer than that is what it is.

How ever i would like to think given the questions he is asking you to think about and then answer, i believe in my heart that there is at least one person who might redo their answer's and maybe send him a thank you for opening their eyes.

If anyone challenged the honesty in the comments i guess it might be me, because i really feel like some people would say they weren't being honest, they were being selfish. Or maybe not. Either way my answer stays the same. And if this offends anyone i am sorry, i am just being honest.

Hope you have a good day and find a smile from your heart

I can't speak for anyone else, so I can't say what answers would be sincere and honest for them.

However for me, brains do matter more to me. While I do agree that attraction matters to an extent for everyone, it isn't the only thing for me. I would not be able to deal with someone stupid just because they were hot. Now, if someone doesn't believe that's an honest answer for whatever reason, I can't do much about that. If someone thinks it's selfish, that's their opinion and they're welcome to it. I'm not going to change my answer just because someone may find it insincere, though.

Wow...Been reading...

I have a headache...I know my comment is irrelevant,and stupid..just saying.

Both, and I'll settle for nothing less.

Watch out Fear, you may get a lecture for being honest about what you're looking for like I did.

So we should just settle for an ugly.. idiot?

Start at the bottom because then you don't have to worry about deterioration of looks and intellect and you will be together forever living oh so miserably..

something to cherish in your later years.. I am sure.

That was my thought as well. Should we just settle for anything that comes our way? Anyone that shows us any attention, no matter what they look like or how smart/stupid they are? All because we don't know what will happen in the future and those looks or smarts will disappear?

What I'm getting from some posts in this thread is that if people have certain preferences and are honest about them, they're selfish.

I think informed self-interest is going to be a significant factor in people's decisions to enter into those relationships in the first place.

There are very few dating sites for altruists, as far as I can tell....!

Thanks Lex, i learned something from you that i did not know about.

al·tru·ist (ăl´trū-ĭst) n. One who has an unselfish regard for or is devoted to the welfare of others, as opposed to an egoist; one who is selfless.

Sounds like something worth being, for myself.

The problem is, I think very few people go into relationships thinking "I don't care how this impacts on my life, I just want to make them happy."

I think it's unnatural to sublimate the desire/intent to have a mutually beneficial, mutually enhancing relationship.

Of course, I'm talking strictly in the hypothetical here, as I have yet to see any such thing in my own experience....

We all have our own thought process and way of deriving at how we react/deal with/ and perceive things to be.

But i will give you food for thought. This is from 2011 statistics covering previous years in study.

According Forest Institute of Professional Psychology, Springfield:



The divorce rate in America for first marriage is between 45% to 50%.

The divorce rate in America for second marriages is between 60% to 67%

The divorce rate in America for third marriages is between 70% to 73%

So based on the number's above which are very scary to me; maybe a lot of people should take a step back and look at their approach on relationships. Because based on those number's They did not do something right, or maybe it was all their partner's fault and they did everything right (Shrugs only each person can answer that)from the way i choose to read this, that is a lot of unhappy people. A lot of broken homes. And i am willing to bet there will be a lot of children who will grow up in broken homes with fewer role models to learn from. Hopefully people learn from their own mistakes because they don't want to stay in that cycle.

Good thing there is no one keeping stats on how many failed bf/gf relationships we experience or the numbers would more than likely be truly astounding in how many times we get it wrong. What does it take for us to get it right? Maybe we need to change? Maybe not?

To each their own

But again my comment to you was truly in thanks, i was ignorant of the term and meaning and i am better off for knowing it now (which probably would not have happen had you not said it). So again Thank you Lex.

No problem. As a counterpoint, I would suggest you take a look at Ayn Rand's philosophy of Objectivism.

Re: relationship failure statistics, based on my own personal experience, those failure percentages strike me as disturbingly low, if anything. Of course, when your own failure rate is a glaring 100%, any sort of positive figure looks suspicious.

Another interesting statistic for everyone

Facebook Blamed for 1 in 5 U.S. Divorces

Facebook fanatics are more than likely miserable with their personal lives, according to a recent report. Infopackets.com



A new survey of American marriage lawyers states that Facebook was cited in 1 out of every 5 divorce cases. Tomroyal.com



80 per cent of lawyers polled believe Facebook is now a popular option to begin an extramarital affair. Infopackets.com



Top Reason for Divorce

Money problems are often cited as the number one cause of divorce in America, but it's impossible to calculate because they are part of a larger cause usually called 'irreconcilable differences', which basically means that a couple couldn't get along. These account for about half of all American divorces. Divorceguide.com



Another key cause is adultery, with an estimated quarter of marriages dissolving for this reason. Surprisingly, very few people cite outright abuse as a cause of divorce. Divorceguide.com



Lack of commitment to the marriage, lack of communication between spouses, abandonment, alcohol addiction, substance abuse, physical abuse, falling out of love and criminal behavior and incarceration for crime were other reasons cited as cause of divorce. Buzzle.com



States with Highest & Lowest Divorce Rates

Most people are not surprised to find that Nevada is the American state bearing the highest per capita divorce with a 6.4% divorce rate per 1,000 population. Divorceguide.Com



Like marriage in Nevada, divorce in Nevada has been streamlined so that even couples from other states can go there for a quickie divorce. Divorceguide.Com



Americans might be surprised, however, to find out which state has the fewest marriages ending in divorce. Statistics show that the crime-laden District of Columbia had the lowest divorce rate, with just 1.7 percent of couples splitting during the last reported year. Divorceguide.Com

Yeah why think about what i am doing, who i am doing it with, why i am even doing it or what might happen. I am just going to worry about me, my wants, my desires.... it's all about me me me now now now..........


Seems like it might contribute to the decline, but that's just my thoughts.

Laughs my marriage fail rate is 0% (Never found the right one or maybe i just wasn't right for them, probably a bit of both). And all though i would be at 100% Fail rate on the g/f side, i can say out of those relationships while they did not yield a life partner, they did give me friends and people who i still communicate with on regular basis. So they were not failed they were just misunderstood in the dimensions we had put them in. And FYI it is an ex g/f that sent me out looking on the web instead of ignoring my heart any longer. 5 years removed and she still cares enough about me to tell me not to give up. That is a good friend in my book.

I think we're putting to much into this guys. Isn't it more a preference here we're talking about. Would you choose someone who is beautiful but not very smart over someone who is smart but not so beautiful. I don't think there is anything wrong with a preference.

If you gave your answer, I received it as being honest. We're not talking about what will happen down the road, that's a whole different conversation that could upset people if your answer is different from theirs. All of us in some degree are selfish by nature. My question was about preference, not your moral obligation to someone if something happened to them. I'm not judging anyone here for that.

I have a strong attraction for Asian men, would you call me selfish for that? That is my preference, but I wouldn't pass up a black, white, red, or blue man if his heart were right and we had the right tools to make a successful relationship work.

I'm not Halle Berry and I don't have a Phd, so where the hell does that leave me. So while some guys might look at me and say, she not beutiful enough for me, or she's not smart enough for me, it's all good. You're not selfish to me. I'm just not your type, I'm some one else's type. It was just a question guys, let's not take it so serious.

Oh, in that case. I think your smoken hot!

Will you go out with me?

XOXO