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| Topic: Why do men get mad when you help yourself? | |
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I have been doing renos in the house over a few years. I get offers from boyfriends, or just male friends to help me. I accept it but the guy cancels or doesn't show up. In one incident; I waited three weeks for a shelf to be put up by a guy that was living with me. So, I ended up doing it myself. Then the guy gets mad at me and says he was going to do it. So what seems to be the problem? Why make a promise to help if you don't intend to help and then get mad when we do things ourselves? Opinions please. I met a young lady who was in need of a man, see she told me her life and all its pains. One of them was her house was a wreck, so I met her, Dated her and fixed her toilet which wouldn't flush. Fixed her shower which only peeed a stream. I even put her in a brand new kitchen Sink, her old one would even hold water,,and then,,, she found another,,,,so all that work, all that time. I would have spent it better, just writing a rhyme.. BECAUSE of stuff like THIS,,we become a tad bit MORE,,put-off to REALLY JUMP RIGHT IN,,,,,,but THATS just my story,,,and many feel other issues.. I will STILLbe ME,,,with anyone else,,but it now will come with reason's to feel I might just be doing a favor,,for someone who doesn't even really like my friendship,,just my abilities,,,wink,and no-one wants to just be someone else's game of hurt,,or used,,,,ONLY.... Allow me to retort..... ahem I don't mind getting used. Seriously..... Sex is just sex. Love is love. Being used for nothing more than some physical pleasure hardly seems to cross moral boundries for me. When I love someone, I ain't gonna f**k anyone else. When I have found myself single...I got used and honestly, used strictly for the sex. I didn't mind it. I was just Mr. Fix-IT,,,but not ****-IT,,,  
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Oh heavens I don't have any one to ask for help for most things. (have to say a big thanks to Jeff and his plow after yesterdays blizzard! and my dad is very handy) but by and large if I want it done I just do it, be on my mouse of myself!
If the job falls apart(shelf falls down etc etc) I have no one to blame but me, that part sucks!!! |
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Well. Geez. Here I was trying to teach you how to be patient and tolerant. See where expectations will get you. You just can't teach some people. What was it that I was supposed to do, again? Well, I guess you failed trying to teach me patience. Well. Maybe you could teach me patience then. I keep telling my resident that I care for at work who keep telling herself be patient that if she gets tired of being a patient she can be a resident. The female aides keep telling her to be patient and that is why she keeps saying her name and be patient. I might not be all there like she is but that doesn't mean I am all here, either.
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I have been doing renos in the house over a few years. I get offers from boyfriends, or just male friends to help me. I accept it but the guy cancels or doesn't show up. In one incident; I waited three weeks for a shelf to be put up by a guy that was living with me. So, I ended up doing it myself. Then the guy gets mad at me and says he was going to do it. So what seems to be the problem? Why make a promise to help if you don't intend to help and then get mad when we do things ourselves? Opinions please. Sounds like my ex-husband! Except he didn't get mad when I fixed something--he was rather relieved. I finally figure out that when he said, "I'll do it tomorrow," it was a case of tomorrow never coming. It was also a case that if he procrastinated too long, I would do it. |
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Oh heavens I don't have any one to ask for help for most things. (have to say a big thanks to Jeff and his plow after yesterdays blizzard! and my dad is very handy) but by and large if I want it done I just do it, be on my mouse of myself! If the job falls apart(shelf falls down etc etc) I have no one to blame but me, that part sucks!!! For some reason, I could read somthing dirty into every part of that statement........... |
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Edited by
wux
on
Sat 01/22/11 07:34 PM
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OP, the whole thing could have been a situational delay, with the beef who did not put up the shelf. (Beef = bf, or boyfriend)
He wanted to do it in front of you. But when you two were both at home, you probably pestered him for sex or asked him to sing Himalayan Lullabis to you from the Ming dynasty. Why he wanted to do it in front of you? there are numerous possible reasons. 1. He wanted to show you he can stand pain for you, and not show it, when he hit his thumb with the hammer. This was a covert plan by the guy to further give evidence that supported his thesis of "his manliness". 2. He wanted to show off with his repertoire of loud cussig words in such hard times as when he hit his thumb with the hammer. He had secretly hoped to impress you with his store of contempoary English words that are remnants from the legendary Ole English lingual epoch, when "f..." meant "luvy-duvy-dub, dahling", "c..." meant "I wish to cherish you forever" and "c... g..... g.... t.. r... a..... is y... m.....'. stick" meant "I shallt goe now and kut ye wheat with mine sharp scythe untilll ye breke of ye nighte." |
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I have been doing renos in the house over a few years. I get offers from boyfriends, or just male friends to help me. I accept it but the guy cancels or doesn't show up. In one incident; I waited three weeks for a shelf to be put up by a guy that was living with me. So, I ended up doing it myself. Then the guy gets mad at me and says he was going to do it. So what seems to be the problem? Why make a promise to help if you don't intend to help and then get mad when we do things ourselves? Opinions please. You had me at "I had offers from boyfriends and male friends" and you lost me at "to help me." Your story here has good potential, but you must keep up your readers' interest by taking your blouse off. |
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Edited by
navygirl
on
Sat 01/22/11 11:04 PM
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I have been doing renos in the house over a few years. I get offers from boyfriends, or just male friends to help me. I accept it but the guy cancels or doesn't show up. In one incident; I waited three weeks for a shelf to be put up by a guy that was living with me. So, I ended up doing it myself. Then the guy gets mad at me and says he was going to do it. So what seems to be the problem? Why make a promise to help if you don't intend to help and then get mad when we do things ourselves? Opinions please. I met a young lady who was in need of a man, see she told me her life and all its pains. One of them was her house was a wreck, so I met her, Dated her and fixed her toilet which wouldn't flush. Fixed her shower which only peeed a stream. I even put her in a brand new kitchen Sink, her old one would even hold water,,and then,,, she found another,,,,so all that work, all that time. I would have spent it better, just writing a rhyme.. BECAUSE of stuff like THIS,,we become a tad bit MORE,,put-off to REALLY JUMP RIGHT IN,,,,,,but THATS just my story,,,and many feel other issues.. I will STILLbe ME,,,with anyone else,,but it now will come with reason's to feel I might just be doing a favor,,for someone who doesn't even really like my friendship,,just my abilities,,,wink,and no-one wants to just be someone else's game of hurt,,or used,,,,ONLY.... I think you are missing the point. I did not ask my ex-boyfriend or my male friends for help; didn't even hint at it. I was prepared to do the jobs myself and never at anytime asked for help. They just offered to help me. How is that using someone when they make the offer? I think my only mistake was accepting their offer in the first place. Now when a man offers to help me; I just say no thank you. |
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OP, the whole thing could have been a situational delay, with the beef who did not put up the shelf. (Beef = bf, or boyfriend) He wanted to do it in front of you. But when you two were both at home, you probably pestered him for sex or asked him to sing Himalayan Lullabis to you from the Ming dynasty. Why he wanted to do it in front of you? there are numerous possible reasons. 1. He wanted to show you he can stand pain for you, and not show it, when he hit his thumb with the hammer. This was a covert plan by the guy to further give evidence that supported his thesis of "his manliness". 2. He wanted to show off with his repertoire of loud cussig words in such hard times as when he hit his thumb with the hammer. He had secretly hoped to impress you with his store of contempoary English words that are remnants from the legendary Ole English lingual epoch, when "f..." meant "luvy-duvy-dub, dahling", "c..." meant "I wish to cherish you forever" and "c... g..... g.... t.. r... a..... is y... m.....'. stick" meant "I shallt goe now and kut ye wheat with mine sharp scythe untilll ye breke of ye nighte." Well, you are right that I did pester him for sex so guess I am partly to blaim for him not putting the shelf up. LOL |
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I used to be married to a carpenter. One of my closets had one lonely shelf about 24 inches from the ceiling. I wanted another shelf added about halfway between the two. Ex DH said he'd do it but never did. Now, mind you I'd been watching & learning a little handy work myself & hadn't quite figured out types of woods & grades, etc. So, I got ticked one day & needed the shelf to be 3 foot & so I cut off a foot off a 4 foot board on the table saw. It just happened to be birch & highly expensive for a closet shelf. It's still there!!! We were fortunate growing up, that dad was willing to do the carpentry work around the place after he came home from work. All sorts of nifty things from a hope chest he built when I was a year old, to tables, to the bookcases and main library. It's only been the past couple of years that my brother has taken over the main work and dad only gets things done when its a major repair. Short of a body to sleep next to and sex, I really am not seeing much use for men anymore. They claim they'll do something for you and don't. I had a lot of this crap when I had injured my back and wasn't supposed to lift, move or twist with anything, and was still having to get things done because the bf said he wouldn't but didn't. |
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olny time I got upset was when my bank account was empty and my credit was shot, she blew the motor in my pickup truck,the bills had not been payed for three months, yep helped herself real good. had this happen many moons ago. oh ya you can use the tools in the pink box but leave the rest alone. 
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I think most anger is based in fear. So, my guess is that you have caused them to be fearful in some way when you do the job they felt they were supposed to do.
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Oh just ask him to loan you the tools. He wont want to do that so he will just do it. When he gets his tools together. Don't need to, I have my own set of tools and power tools. |
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I used to be married to a carpenter. One of my closets had one lonely shelf about 24 inches from the ceiling. I wanted another shelf added about halfway between the two. Ex DH said he'd do it but never did. Now, mind you I'd been watching & learning a little handy work myself & hadn't quite figured out types of woods & grades, etc. So, I got ticked one day & needed the shelf to be 3 foot & so I cut off a foot off a 4 foot board on the table saw. It just happened to be birch & highly expensive for a closet shelf. It's still there!!! We were fortunate growing up, that dad was willing to do the carpentry work around the place after he came home from work. All sorts of nifty things from a hope chest he built when I was a year old, to tables, to the bookcases and main library. It's only been the past couple of years that my brother has taken over the main work and dad only gets things done when its a major repair. Short of a body to sleep next to and sex, I really am not seeing much use for men anymore. They claim they'll do something for you and don't. I had a lot of this crap when I had injured my back and wasn't supposed to lift, move or twist with anything, and was still having to get things done because the bf said he wouldn't but didn't. I went through the same thing with a back, neck, and knee injury from a car accident. I couldn't even walk for almost 4 years and all the so called promises didn't happen. It was a struggle enough just to walk but I managed to get my stuff done around the house on my own. Its amazing what you can do when you are determined. |
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Edited by
rara777
on
Tue 01/25/11 03:41 PM
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I have the most highest respect for a woman that can accomplish anything she sets her mind to do.
My wife (when she was alive)had the knack of having the womans touch for decorating. She also knew how to use tools for her D.I.Y. projects. I did not feel that it was a shot to my ego because she knew how to do these things. There were other projects that I did for her that were out of her capabillities to do. I.E. minor plumbing or minor electrical work. I miss her womans touch around the house. So to you ladies that are D.I.Y.`ers.  Cheers
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Always been one to do it myself.
Waited for a week for some one to help take down a tree in back yard. Finally gave up, couldn't get the chain saw started so used a hand saw. Took me a while but it came down. Then they show up and want to know what tree I wanted down, I just told him the stub in back yard.  I think I'm to inpatient?
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I have the most highest respect for a woman that can accomplish anything she sets her mind to do. My wife (when she was alive)had the knack of having the womans touch for decorating. She also knew how to use tools for her D.I.Y. projects. I did not feel that it was a shot to my ego because she knew how to do these things. There were other projects that I did for her that were out of her capabillities to do. I.E. minor plumbing or minor electrical work. I miss her womans touch around the house. So to you ladies that are D.I.Y.`ers. Cheers Thanks for your input. Men like you are rare and I sure hope I can meet someone like you. Its nice to know there are men that don't get mad because a woman can do something herself. That shows the sign of a real man in my opinion. Thanks; you made my day. Cheers 
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Always been one to do it myself. Waited for a week for some one to help take down a tree in back yard. Finally gave up, couldn't get the chain saw started so used a hand saw. Took me a while but it came down. Then they show up and want to know what tree I wanted down, I just told him the stub in back yard. I think I'm to inpatient? My hat is off to you. Using a handsaw is hard work. I wouldn't even attempt that without a power saw. |
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Always been one to do it myself. Waited for a week for some one to help take down a tree in back yard. Finally gave up, couldn't get the chain saw started so used a hand saw. Took me a while but it came down. Then they show up and want to know what tree I wanted down, I just told him the stub in back yard. I think I'm to inpatient? My hat is off to you. Using a handsaw is hard work. I wouldn't even attempt that without a power saw. Just a smaller tree, probably only 20-25 inches around. But still enough to break a sweat. |
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Always been one to do it myself. Waited for a week for some one to help take down a tree in back yard. Finally gave up, couldn't get the chain saw started so used a hand saw. Took me a while but it came down. Then they show up and want to know what tree I wanted down, I just told him the stub in back yard. I think I'm to inpatient? My hat is off to you. Using a handsaw is hard work. I wouldn't even attempt that without a power saw. Just a smaller tree, probably only 20-25 inches around. But still enough to break a sweat. I didn't enjoy using a hand saw with a mitre box for my baseboards as it was long tedious work. I finally broke down and got an electric one. Now I only use handsaws for the tiniest jobs. |
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