The HEART,,,and MEAT of your friends BEST INTERESTS FOR HER,

Is TO KNOW,,,What she WANTS IN LIFE?

If its HIM,,,,SHE'LL do WHATEVER IT TAKES TO HAVE AND KEEP HIM..

IF ITS NOT HIM,,,,Then she will find ANY OTHER ISSUES that make HER FEEL HE'S WRONG and SHE CAN BE HAPPIER....Without him??

So its really VERY personal inside HER mind and heart as to her,,

MOST TIMES,,,,if,,IT FEELS ALL BAD,,,it is,,,,IF its just SOME SMALL
ISSUES,,,,,THEY will change and different ones will step in to see as still yet more of an issue,,,

IF IN LOVE,,,,,,SMALL THINGS DON'T MATTER,,and time given TO EACH SHOULD BE TALKED ABOUT, known,,AND ACCEPTED AND RESPECTFULLY UNDERSTOOD BY BOTH,,,,

HE WILL SLOW DOWN AT THIS SOMETIME?
HE IS WITH HER right now and their GOOD with each other?
He doesn't have MUCH time to do MUCH ELSE?
His FREE-time COULD be better shared with her and his brother,,like alternate weekends with the other,,Just an Idea??

Well, that seem to happen most when couples don't adress the problems at hand before they get as bad as this.

life isnt always black and white....its the grey areas that can drag a relationship down even if you are seriously commited

Ummm if it is his business cant she just drop in with lunch or tea and sit with him a while even if they dot talk they can still spend time together.
I know a marrage takes work and a man often needs to support the family and may put to much in it, but ultimately its for his family and at the end of his week if home is tense he probably just wants to escape since he has no idea how to fix it.

really the only chance is for her to do all she can to love him, as for now his work is important to him and his family,

yep I like to look after my man and have him look after me, but if I wasnt seeing him enough I would be changing my habits to fit in so that he could still work and I could still have him. Probably not a great womens lib movement person, but i dont want to be boss I want to be looked after and look after my man, so would do whatever it takes to make it work.

so true Iam4u!

Corazone, it seems like the smallest breaks in communication can have the largest impact on a relationship as well! Also remember people change, not always for the better either. Emotions change depending on the environment as well and with every detail to consider it seems more like a miracle to hold it together at times-ugh!

If she knows that she can't love anyone else then mebbe she should try to work it out, but then again, I left my love and it forced him to come to terms with his issues and learn how to not let them control his life! Now I have a second chance with a new, improved model-lol!

It takes two to make a relationship work especially during the tough times. she can try to make it better be changing her attitude maybe but he needs to figure out a way to give a little more of himself too. It is the little things that count the most...a surprise call mid day...dropping of an iced cap...a text kiss etc. a little aknowledgement goes a long way

Maybe I need to make one thing clear.....And I should have said this earlier...His company is online..that means that he works out of the house...She goes to school on line again..out of the same house...When one is working or doing school that person is off limits until they get done. So they can focus on work or school. Right now she has one course..so she has more time to spend with the kids and clean the house..etc...But he is working for hours..When he is not working..he is sleeping or off playing D & D. He will tell his brother that he really doesn't want to go, but his brother will keep nagging him, (along with other guys) until he gives in and goes. And she is not supposed to be mad, angry or hurt?

she should be angry and hurt...if he can give into his brothers pressure to spend time over her, then she needs to open her eyes to the fact that she and the kids are Not #1 to him. If thats the case..then run girl..dont waste your youth on him. You WILL find someone else who REALLY loves you

Not true. She likely feels that way, but words like "Will," are absolute. And unture. If he leaves, she won't necessarily be alone for the rest of her life, and he isn't necessarily the one man she will ever love! This kind of thinking is what's keeping her there...and I really empathize because not long ago I was there. I've been there actually several times, and only recently FINALLY did I wake up and realize that none of those seeming absolutes were actually absolute!

It takes two to work on a relationship, and if he isn't putting the same effort in, back away until he's ready. Of course by then she could have moved on but when you're at different points in your life and only one person is doing something....time to cut the ropes and move on. Only they can figure out what's important to them and what to put effort into.

the word WILL has various meanings..she will find someone else in time if she WILLS herself to move on. its when you try to hang on to what WAS that keeps you from what could be. its amazing what a little time and clear thinking can do. she and her children deserve better. he deserves to spend his old age with his brother.

Love this!

not an expert on relationships by any means but i wasted 14years with a man that put himself first always. whether it was work..play..friends...even our daughter it was his way. went to councelling,talked until i was blue in the face but in the end he was always in control and always right. not a nice way to live and not all relationships can be saved.hell.. even a rat knows when to jump ship..time is precious dont waste on a fool

Living and wading through these waters gives people far more insight then ones with only paper credentials. I wasted....well, far too many years on men like this as well. I can be a slower learner but I WILL catch up!

It's over for me when I just get sick and tired of being second.

I had a boyfriend who paid little or much attention to me unless we were alone, and even then the tv usually got more attention than me.

esperanza79
i think most of us kiss a few frogs before we find a prince...the trick is to learn from each one and then let it go without carrying that baggage to the next one.its a hard thing to do but i think more women pull it off than men. a lot of women in one relationship pay for the sins of the woman in the last relationship. guys are fools in that sense...they can ruin something good NOW by not letting go of what WAS! TRUE OR NOT?

To everyone that had voices their opinion on this thread..Thank you so very much. I knew I could count on all of you for different incites to this problem. With all of the different opinions, she had more thoughts and feelings than she wanted to admit. But she is now taking the time to think about what she has, what she wants and IF she is with the one that was made for her.


All my love and many thanks,

Miss Fine.

To everyone that had voices their opinion on this thread..Thank you so very much. I knew I could count on all of you for different incites to this problem. With all of the different opinions, she had more thoughts and feelings than she wanted to admit. But she is now taking the time to think about what she has, what she wants and IF she is with the one that was made for her.

Humm even though it seems he is doing all he can to make the money needed in raising a family. He still has to give some of his free time as well to spend with that family in order to keep it together....

I understand the time he is spending as far as work that is if it really is all work. Sorry I would almost have to see that he is working all that time and not spending time doing other things online instead that could be occupying his time.

As far as the issue with his brother seems to me he is being a bit selfish when it comes to that and his excuses are hog wash sounds like to me.

The way I see it is if it was me I would sit him down for if he is spending every Saturday with his brother then something needs to change.

The option I would give him is that he could spend every other Saturday with his brother & friends but the other Saturday would be with the family either as a whole or them doing something alone.

A relationship does not stay together with only the efforts of one person....It takes two to hold it together yet only one to tear it apart.

I would be curious what they are doing every Saturday.... shshshs

I do agree she needs to find things she likes to do as well when he is not around...

But.....it is hard for me to believe that he can not take and hour from his day to just be with her even if it means sitting and watching a movie or just laying in the bed talking....

Not much communication going on it seems...

Okay there is my whole dollars worth

you got to make yourself happy.....but at the same time there are some times when they might just need to work a little more...on eachother..and one things is has she told him that...if she hasn't then he might not know whats going on....but it is up to here to leave if she feels she has too..

Why are guys so clueless about things like this???