My marriage of 40 years has been disfunctional for 30 years and now my wife is in a first class long term care facility. I feel responsible to pay for her care and visit her regularly, but I am now free to travel and pursue other activities of interest to me. Should I be able to pursue a new relationship without guilt, or would that be beyond the limits of my responsibility to her? I would be interested is various opinions. Thanks.

In my option that would be very much a dog of you. I stayed by wife till she took her last breathe. That is something I will be proud of the rest of my life. I would think that it would be the same for you. Just the way I believe. But you asked.

Hummmm wow not sure your going to get the answers you want. I guess it all comes down to what you can live with and if you have kids what they will think of your choice..

Myself if I was married to someone and I was in that situation... I may in fact do the traveling ect but I feel that if you are going to be with someone else then be with them heart and soul....if not then divorce them and move on.

Life is not always the way we want it and the ending is not always happy ever after... But I still believe that when I pledge my love to another it stays through thick and thin.....

But in the end it all comes down to what you can live with not what others tell you..........

I would sure hate to know that after I had gave my all for the last 40 years that my partner would move on so easy....while I lay in a nursing home.... alone...........

pajero...

He is a Yankee?

I was married for 26 yrs when my husband passed away.. Although not in a facility, he did have alzheimers for almost 7 yrs and it was getting bad. He had to have back surgery and then was in a nursing home for rehab for 4 mo before passing.. I've been asked many times by guys "did you cheat while he was sick"? Why would I do that? I married "for better or worse, sickness and in health"..he took good care of me and I did the same for him ..I'm glad I was able to do that for him... You need to make a decision you can live with... good luck.

Till death do you part........Enough said!!

There seems to be a consensus that even though I stayed in a failed marriage for 30 years due to a sense of responsibility, that responsibility continues even though she is comfortably settled in an assisted retirement community. Thank you for your comments.

In my opinion, if your marriage was dysfunctional for 30 yr, you should have ended it then..in 30 yrs, all children would have been grown and on their own.To have stayed that long and now want to be free when she most needs someone is kinda of heartless. It's just my opinion, You are the only one who has lived your life, and will continue to live it. I haven't walked in your shoes, so I can only state how I feel. Good luck to you

I just perved your profile...you're 87??? Good God man! At your age, you don't need the permission of anyone to do whatever you want.

I had a dog that wouldn't hunt but I took care of for twelve years anyway till he died.

If the relationship is over and has been over for over thirty years, do what you feel comfortable with.

My Husband was in assisted living the last year of his life. I didn't date till 2 years after his passing. That was my choice wasn't jumping into anything. We had a dysfunctional relationship too. And mainly that is why I wasn't jumping into anything. Now he has been gone 5 years. I see nothing wrong with men and female friends. Just don't get bitter Live Love Laugh And keep visiting her Doesn't mean you can't have a life.

He is 87, how much action do you think he is going to get?

I hope you find whatever gives you peace, and a clear conscious.

I stayed with my wife until she passed then went to work at a long term care facility. I have learned that just because they are put in one doesn't necessarily mean the one who put them in here care for them any less than when they had them at home. I know I love taking care of my ladies. I mean where else can you have this many girlfriends and get away with it.