In the real world, when I was general counsel for a large night club in the midwest and ran a backstage security company for entertainers, I ran into lots of folks trying to hook up. I eventually, and after a few, actually more than a few, bruises to the male ego, sat back and studied the situation.

It occurred to me that lots of guys preen and posture but hang back waiting for some gal to throw themselves at the fella. I didn't see that work too often, though occasionally, a dude had something that women wanted. These men normally came with entourage or solo with lots of bling and status markers.

The women were usually in safe clusters of friends and colleagues. They danced together and drank the drinks the guys bought for them.

Eventually, it was clear that a subtle body language was at work, cruising under the radar screen. Once I learned this vocabulary, it was a breeze to meet new people. I once walked into a crowd of guys, maybe a dozen or so, hovering around a beautiful lady, and ended up dating her for a while.

This is my first attempt at online dating. I call it online dating because you can do almost all the things you would do on a date, but it's time shifted and in cyberspace. But the basics are still there.

At the risk of being accused of bisexuality, I searched the men's profiles in mingle so see what guys my age were doing/saying. Sizing up the competition, if you will. My impression is that there is lots of male ego dripping from the pages. There also seems to be a caricature of the sensitive male persona that was hatched in the 80's and reiterated up to the present. I don't know many women who really understand, let alone appreciate the female side of men (aren't we genetically 49% female?) I wonder how much traffic those "gentlemen" garner from that technique. I suspect, not alot. We live in challenging times with lots of fear and uncertainty. I suspect women, despite their substantial prowess and sophistication in the work world, would prefer a solid, independent, reliable, healthy, responsible, attractive male mate. Not the NFL Megastar, but the local mover and shaker, who beats the odds and gets the job done right.

So how do we translate the maleness that is attractive into a few keystrokes and a jpg or two?

Are women blowing men off with crappy pics? Should guys really work at that snapshot technique? I suspect they should. There were lots of lousy guy pics, especially in my age bracket. And some stunningly rude, arrogant and offensive usernames and taglines.

I further suspect that women are seeking an exciting facet to their solid man preference. The trendsetting, unique, avante garde, exclusive aspects of a guy. Maybe these attributes should end up in usernames and taglines.

Once the profile is decent, I suspect the challenge is to refrain from emailing every jpg you find stimulating. Are online daters expecting some online "foreplay"? I suspect they are since I emailed a ton of potential paramours and got nada! Since I know I can do better than that, and in the interest of helping my male compatriots, who are stumbling around like me, I would ask the community to share what does work or what they think would help break the digital ice and get people past the crappy photos and corny soundbite taglines and into genuine considerations of a persons compatibility.

I know this is lengthy and the online dating scene is "hairtrigger" intent on not suffering fools and wasting any keystrokes on "undesirables" but I further suspect that once the rules of the road are better expressed and understood, even though they seem to be even more ephemeral than in the real world, many more of us will have a better experience with online dating and avoid the "loser" stigma of just takin up space.

Welcome Woody

Sounds like you know how to do it, so good luck.

You are very suspicious.
But, you asked.
I will give it to you as the truth,
the whole truth, and nothing but
on your questions.

(1) aren't we genetically 49% female?
I should hate to be the one that has to carve up one to verify this.
(2) So how do we translate the maleness that is
attractive into a few keystrokes and a jpg or two?
Lose the stroking, get a good pic.
(3) Are women blowing men off with crappy pics?
They will be the LAST to get that.
(4) Should guys really work at that snapshot technique?
Yes. Get out of the bathroom.
(5) Are online daters expecting some online "foreplay"?
Yes.
Hours and hours of it.
Instead of golfing.

Well you do have the Ohio thing going for ya. Chicks dig dudes from Ohio.........

Well you would know.

great thread.....


just a little to stuffed shirt for me....

but I think your cute!!!

Welcome to Mingle!

For me it is not about the pic or the profile. It is more the interaction with others in the forums that attracts me. We are not all gods or goddesses and profiles can sound similar to others. Ideas and attitudes come through when posting on different topics and many a spark has happened here from daily interaction.

Good Luck!

Especially if they come wrapped up in candy...

^^^ this is why i never developed a sweet tooth!!! ^^^

Help! I've fallen into an internet dating site and I can't get up!

Would ice cream help?

Yes I need nummies.

I'll help, no. Women and men look different when you carve them up.

There isn't any rule but there are guidelines and your presentation is the key.
You have probably already noticed that how you presented this topic has resulted in the type of responses you have received so far.
Simple and to the point will work in your favour 99% of the time.
When messaging potential paramours be considerate of their goals and aspirations before extolling your own virtues and aspirations.
Always avoid iterations that could be misconstrued as sanctimonius.
The digital ice is broken when they have replied in kind.

oh yeah... chicks dig the smiley

Fortunately.
The OP is a lawyer.

wonder what happened to my sweety..?

Have you picked one out already??

Anybody named Woodyinohio should do well on dating sites.

For me it's not about the person's appearance. If someone emails me and when I check out there profile that is what makes or breaks my reply. If something catches my eye I will respond. Although, if you have not taken the time out to fill out your profile then whose to say that they won't have similar characteristics in a relationship? After all this is a online dating site. You get what you put into it.

Goodluck and welcome Woodyinohio.

Moreover, proper online dating etiquette states that when one creates a thread they should come back to it to discuss it with the people who have replied.