i have tryed to help women like that then ya end up being the bad guy because ya hurt or said something wrong to her hubby//boyfriend
if a woman wont leave that or put a stop to it there is no way you can help

That's a tough one. On one hand you got to do something and on the other you know it won't really make to much of a difference. I had to deal with this with an old co worker. It didn't end pretty. Tread lightly for sure........

Wait for her to be ready to open in up, or have a family get together have everyone tell how they feel and how they are worried for her. Make sure she has the phone numbers to the domestic hotline. Make sure she understands if she leaves to leave everything behind. It's safer this way if she leaves and material items are not as important as her life or of those that love her. If she leaves he may come looking for her through family friends and co-workers. Be smart about it, and do not try to hide her with family and friends as it could only make it more dangerous a situation than it already is. When dealing with a angry controlling individual in a relationship......you do not want to let on to them you know or even have hard feelings as this could make it worse for her.......she's talking.......that will piss him off more, etc. Not all are this exstreme but you never know who is and who isnt....better to play it like they are willing to go to the ultimate level as to leave no surprises.

1. Offer a listening ear if she needs it. Say 'You look a little upset, I am here if you need to talk.'

2. If she is open to talking (or even not), give her information and domestic violence hotline number. Encourage her to call to develop a safety plan.

3. Document very time she has physical signs of abuse and write down everytime she tells you about abuse. Keep these records because it will be vidal if she decides to leave.

4. Go to http://www.domesticviolence.org/ and read the information and share the information with her.

5. Be willing to hold copies of important documents such as drivers lic., birth certificates, etc.

6. If she has children, talk to her about her children and the effects of domestic violence on the children.

7. Understand that you can be supportive without getting involved and know that it is up to her to decide when to leave the relationship.



BTW, don't you work in a hospital... why don't you have one of the social workers talk to her?

The 'short-form' answer is ... NO.

If you insert yourself into a co-dependency / 'needy' / 'whatever' issue, you're the only one gonna lose. THEY'll be perfectly fine, 'cuz no matter how they treat each other, it's what they want. Try to separate 'em and you become the 'bad guy'.

Accept the fact that people make stupid choices all the time. You - and anyone else - are incapable of 'saving them from themselves or their choices. Life is not about that 'reward and punishment' thing - it's about 'choice and consequence'.

Let 'em enjoy each other in 'their own special way' and ignore it.

This is just observation, I used to volunteer at a woman's shelter: It is often a self image issue. People either feel that abuse (especially in the form of jealousy) means love, or that because they are who they are they deserve punishment. To keep letting them know that you are there (as a friend) when and if they decide to make a break can help build them up. Also, exploring their options - giving up home is shattering to some people.