of course i have fallen for a married guy before!, i was so attracted to him thus, no doubt this 'one-in-a-million character was already taken :O(

He really got into your head did'nt he?

The only way you get over him is to totally break off any and all communication. Never go back, even if you think he'll soon be free. Save that passion for another man who is available. Maybe even have your next boyfriend role play like he's a married man with you.

Now role playing married man, how would that work? I have to admit i do like that i just get the good parts when he is here. Knowing we would never be a couple but really enjoyed each others in many ways made it what it was. It is easier to open up to someone not directly involved with your everyday life. I know she wishes he would spend more time talking and paying attention to her but spending to much time with his head somewhere else. I think everyone knows that is always the case.

yes he did get inside my head. He is very smart and good at it. He paid attention in psych class. He is believe it or not a good guy with a good heart but has a part of him that likes to live on the edge and see what he can get away with like a puzzle or a game or a sport. That's it!!!! HE IS A SPORT LIAR.... lmao oh that's funny I will have to include that in the dear john text. I really don't hate him for it and hope he doesn't wind up getting caught with the next one and oh I am sure he will stray again. If he gets caught he is hurting himself as much or more than the wife. Different kind of hurt but I know it will ruin his him. The guilt he will feel for hurting her and his family if they did get divorce will send him to a dark place. But just like the man that races cars and crashes to near death gets well and gets back in the car and races again it is living on the edge testing limits and his is a mental testing of limits of trying to get what he wants and keeping everyone happy and really it is amazing how much time he spends with me considering his life with her. She controls so much to know so little of what is really going on. Here is a small part of the kicker and to me the deep seeded reasons for his actions, his first wife left him cheated with his best friend and one day just left him no explanation said she would be back in a week never came back.

It’s amusing how you can continue to get on here and defend the guy, but I guess you have little choice if you are going to justify your own actions. Given the info you have stated in this thread, let me share a thought or two with you.

First of all, (again) he is not a good guy. Good people do not conduct their lives in such a manner as this. He has absolutely no respect for his wife, his marriage or you and I cannot for the life of me understand how it is you don’t see this. He is using you for his own selfish reasons and you are simply a pawn in a game run by a dishonest man/child however, you are not without blame, you are a willing participant in a web of lies and deceit that will one day have very serious implications. This is not living on the edge, don’t fool yourself or paint some kind of romantic notion here. It is what it is, cheating!

And try not to be so naive to think you know him. You only know the he that “he” wants to know. You only know the person who has to sneak around to visit you. You only know the guy will say and do anything to be able to live and practice a duel existence. That’s a pretty simple truth and one you will have to come to terms with, if and when you move on with your life.

I realize it may be difficult to have to admit to the entire world and to yourself that you fell for and embraced a man that is nothing more than a fraud, but hey, you are not the first and you won’t be the last. So instead of dismissing all of the things people have said here, in an attempt to find some solace, why don’t you try to learn from all of this so that you won’t find yourself in the same dilemma somewhere down the road?

Not trying to defend. I feel he does love his wife and respects her and is proud of her but he does not respect the marriage maybe a more correct statement or he thinks of himself first. It is the same thing that happens in SOOOO many marriages. The wife gains a lot of weight after kids and wife puts all her time and attention to the kids(as it should be, but have to make time for husband too), she starts to feel unattractive and doesn't want sex often at all and the husband starts to look at life wondering if this is it? Is this as good as it is ever going to get? He starts to wonder if he has what it takes anymore because wife's constantly turning him down for sex. It happens time and time again and after about 7-12 yrs is when a lot of marriages make it or break it. That being said when he started telling me how they just didn't have anything in common anymore and he wasnt attracted to her. I said he had just forgotten why he married her and they do have something in common something so in common that no one else has but you and her ....your kids.... It is hard to see what you have until you see it from someone else point of view sometimes i feel. We get off on the wrong train of thought and make excuses for our thoughts and actions. I know i am guilty because I knew from the beginning his situation. Not looking for sympathy or someone to tell me its ok to continue. I am not even trying to justify really just stating fact. If you think i don't see threw his lies you are wrong, I have only told you what i think and not what he has said to me. He has that she is the last person on earth that deserves this. I am sure you think he is just saying that to work game on me.

I do not want him to leave her. I do not want his kids to be hurt. I guess i am just a selfish ***** because all i want is to spend time with someone that rocks my world in so many ways. It sucks that i let him get in my head. I will take the blame form here on out because all I have to say is no. I am weak and I am human. I will pray i wake up tomorrow as strong and perfect as some here think they are. lmao ... or maybe i will just continue to be human. lol ... For some reason some of you think i thought of myself as blameless and that was never the case just wish there was a way to have cake and eat it too.

Wasn't looking for it, did not want to, not sure how it slipped up on me. The sad truth is I have fallen for someone that belongs to someone else. I don't want to break up his family. I do still want to spend as much time with him as possible. I know this has no happy ending just wish i knew how to let go. I try and date others but he is the only one that captures my attention. I am so confused.

I know you people here will not hold back on your opinions and looking forward to hearing what you have to say.

Is it possible to have a happy ending when in love with a married man that you want him to stay with his wife but still want him as a lover, friend etc....

You “feel he does love his wife? Well, his actions show a different story.

This whole line of crap about nothing in common (anymore), she gained weight, no time for him…..just excuses; all laid out in an effort to DEFEND him and to give him reason to stray. Not to mention the fact that you don’t really even know if any of this true or not.
****Well I do know they are true, in his eyes, I also know that is what he tells himself to give himself reason to stray. I know that they have things in common, he just doesn't see them now.

Please point me to where anyone here has they are perfect. Please show me just one instance where anyone says they don’t make mistakes….you can’t, you know why? Because nobody has said anything of the sort; by you simply suggesting that, shows that you are not really seeing the whole picture here. You are still justifying.
*****Yes but some make comments as if they can not see how a person (Me) could allow this to happen and how it should be so easy to walk away and that i must be some horrible person for getting here in the first place.

There are over 300 million people in the U.S. alone; you cannot tell me that the only one of them that can “rock your world” is this guy
****Sad but true I take it you have not been to Louisiana lately.!!!! Have you seen "Deliverance" the movie.?? Well enough said!
. And then you follow that by telling us you can “see through his lies.”
How revealing is that statement?
*****All men lie about something i am almost positive. He has certain qualities that make up for all the rest. I know you think he is playing me but he knows I am his friend and he knows I see him for what he is not trying to fool me into anything. The lies i see through are the little things he would say in the beginning about his social status, or there was a couple more i cant recall now.

Personally I don’t think you are being selfish, I think you find comfort in the fact that he is married and the chance of him leaving his wife are slim. That way you can keep your freedom and stand little chance of getting hurt.
*****Wow you getting very close. I do see myself reacting in ways the make that very true. I see it every time they have a huge fight. It scares me to think of him getting a divorce. I try to be voice of reason why he needs to cool off and see things from her side of the argument. I think it maybe the fact i was in a bad marriage and i have seen and know some far worse marriages. I think I have lost faith in them and maybe just want the good parts of it because the day to day BS not worth it sometimes. When he talks about their fighting it reminds me how happy I am i am single again. I was so happy to get out of my last marriage but sad it didnt work out.

I also think you revel in the attention and get a thrill out of doing something that you know is wrong, just as you have come to the understanding that by doing this he “is living on the edge.”
******No dont like the fact that it is wrong at all. I wish more people would see that it is possible that you can have a sexual friendship with another occasionally through life without wanting to divorce the other. The reason for the lies is because everyone says its wrong / Read the book "ethical slut" its free online or google, anyway I understand what they are teaching in that book and if honest no harm no foul.
The problem with all of this is you cannot have your cake and eat it too, unless you find someone who you can actually have a real relationship with. You know, one where both parties give all of themselves and actually put everything on the line for one-an-other.
********It is not easy to find someone that keeps my interest past a few dates, or that I keep their interests. I know I need to better myself to find the man I am looking for. I have met on the rare occasion this type of man but didnt have my a game on and really dont have a game now. so mr married fit the bill i guess like you said above> Not much chance he would walk away from cake that he is eating too. No hurt for me cake for him. yep i think you got this one correct. Something for me to think about .

Why do you need him to make you feel good? Can you be happy just being alone for any length of time? Because if you don't like yourself enough to spend time with just yourself, you don't respect yourself. If you don't respect you - how will anyone else? A man that will use you for his own pleasure at your expense is not the man you want. You will always try to make him treat you well and it will never happen. He will always be the taker and you the giver because that is the precedence you set now by allowing this relationship.

When you stop thinking about him, you'll stop comparing others to him. You'll be open to a new personality and the fullfilment that relationship can bring you.