Why do you need him to make you feel good? Can you be happy just being alone for any length of time? Because if you don't like yourself enough to spend time with just yourself, you don't respect yourself. If you don't respect you - how will anyone else? A man that will use you for his own pleasure at your expense is not the man you want. You will always try to make him treat you well and it will never happen. He will always be the taker and you the giver because that is the precedence you set now by allowing this relationship.

When you stop thinking about him, you'll stop comparing others to him. You'll be open to a new personality and the fullfilment that relationship can bring you.

You “feel he does love his wife? Well, his actions show a different story.

This whole line of crap about nothing in common (anymore), she gained weight, no time for him…..just excuses; all laid out in an effort to DEFEND him and to give him reason to stray. Not to mention the fact that you don’t really even know if any of this true or not.
****Well I do know they are true, in his eyes, I also know that is what he tells himself to give himself reason to stray. I know that they have things in common, he just doesn't see them now.

Please point me to where anyone here has they are perfect. Please show me just one instance where anyone says they don’t make mistakes….you can’t, you know why? Because nobody has said anything of the sort; by you simply suggesting that, shows that you are not really seeing the whole picture here. You are still justifying.
*****Yes but some make comments as if they can not see how a person (Me) could allow this to happen and how it should be so easy to walk away and that i must be some horrible person for getting here in the first place.

There are over 300 million people in the U.S. alone; you cannot tell me that the only one of them that can “rock your world” is this guy
****Sad but true I take it you have not been to Louisiana lately.!!!! Have you seen "Deliverance" the movie.?? Well enough said!
. And then you follow that by telling us you can “see through his lies.”
How revealing is that statement?
*****All men lie about something i am almost positive. He has certain qualities that make up for all the rest. I know you think he is playing me but he knows I am his friend and he knows I see him for what he is not trying to fool me into anything. The lies i see through are the little things he would say in the beginning about his social status, or there was a couple more i cant recall now.

Personally I don’t think you are being selfish, I think you find comfort in the fact that he is married and the chance of him leaving his wife are slim. That way you can keep your freedom and stand little chance of getting hurt.
*****Wow you getting very close. I do see myself reacting in ways the make that very true. I see it every time they have a huge fight. It scares me to think of him getting a divorce. I try to be voice of reason why he needs to cool off and see things from her side of the argument. I think it maybe the fact i was in a bad marriage and i have seen and know some far worse marriages. I think I have lost faith in them and maybe just want the good parts of it because the day to day BS not worth it sometimes. When he talks about their fighting it reminds me how happy I am i am single again. I was so happy to get out of my last marriage but sad it didnt work out.

I also think you revel in the attention and get a thrill out of doing something that you know is wrong, just as you have come to the understanding that by doing this he “is living on the edge.”
******No dont like the fact that it is wrong at all. I wish more people would see that it is possible that you can have a sexual friendship with another occasionally through life without wanting to divorce the other. The reason for the lies is because everyone says its wrong / Read the book "ethical slut" its free online or google, anyway I understand what they are teaching in that book and if honest no harm no foul.
The problem with all of this is you cannot have your cake and eat it too, unless you find someone who you can actually have a real relationship with. You know, one where both parties give all of themselves and actually put everything on the line for one-an-other.
********It is not easy to find someone that keeps my interest past a few dates, or that I keep their interests. I know I need to better myself to find the man I am looking for. I have met on the rare occasion this type of man but didnt have my a game on and really dont have a game now. so mr married fit the bill i guess like you said above> Not much chance he would walk away from cake that he is eating too. No hurt for me cake for him. yep i think you got this one correct. Something for me to think about .

It’s amusing how you can continue to get on here and defend the guy, but I guess you have little choice if you are going to justify your own actions. Given the info you have stated in this thread, let me share a thought or two with you.

First of all, (again) he is not a good guy. Good people do not conduct their lives in such a manner as this. He has absolutely no respect for his wife, his marriage or you and I cannot for the life of me understand how it is you don’t see this. He is using you for his own selfish reasons and you are simply a pawn in a game run by a dishonest man/child however, you are not without blame, you are a willing participant in a web of lies and deceit that will one day have very serious implications. This is not living on the edge, don’t fool yourself or paint some kind of romantic notion here. It is what it is, cheating!

And try not to be so naive to think you know him. You only know the he that “he” wants to know. You only know the person who has to sneak around to visit you. You only know the guy will say and do anything to be able to live and practice a duel existence. That’s a pretty simple truth and one you will have to come to terms with, if and when you move on with your life.

I realize it may be difficult to have to admit to the entire world and to yourself that you fell for and embraced a man that is nothing more than a fraud, but hey, you are not the first and you won’t be the last. So instead of dismissing all of the things people have said here, in an attempt to find some solace, why don’t you try to learn from all of this so that you won’t find yourself in the same dilemma somewhere down the road?

He really got into your head did'nt he?

The only way you get over him is to totally break off any and all communication. Never go back, even if you think he'll soon be free. Save that passion for another man who is available. Maybe even have your next boyfriend role play like he's a married man with you.

of course i have fallen for a married guy before!, i was so attracted to him thus, no doubt this 'one-in-a-million character was already taken :O(

I think you need to re-examine what you think of as "uptight," making a good moral decision is not uptight it is upstanding!

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of course i have fallen for a married guy before!, i was so attracted to him thus, no doubt this 'one-in-a-million character was already taken :O(

My ex became "friends" with a woman when he was overseas. Yeah. Friends. We are getting a divorce and he has lost a wonderful woman. Me. And while she has repeatedly BEGGED him to choose her, he won't because that "relationship" destroyed all that was precious to him. He lost his family and that cannot be replaced. It can be added to, but never replaced.
You can't really help who you fall for, but you can prevent putting yourself in a situation that will create opportunity to "fall." No one wins when cheating occurs. You won't wind up with him. He might seem great and wonderful and all that, but he won't choose you over his family. If he did, would you really want him? If he does choose you, he is SO not worth your time, especially if he has kids and walks away from them for you.
We all make errors in judgement from time to time, especially where urges are involved. But the true test of our character is in how we handle the challenges we face.

Been there; done that. I learned my lesson and WOULD NEVER allow myself to date a married man again.... He's not going to leave his wife! Better yet! Present him with this: "I love you. I want to be with you.... Please leave your wife." Nip it in the butt! You're defining your life based on his needs and not what you want, which his him; and, that you'll never have. Ask for what YOU THINK YOU WANT; SEE WHAT YOU GET.

People don't frown on married men having affairs; but, they do frown on single women having affairs with married men. Just the way it is. I dated a married man for over a year. There is NO happy ending for you. You're single; he's not. When you finally reach a point where you don't want to share him anymore, you will give him an ultimatum.... you already know the answer. It won't be you. You're asking for advice on this matter because you are trying to justify your actions as I once did. Don't try to justify it or make excuses for having an affair with a married man. He captures your attention because he belongs to someone else. Women like a challenge. You will be alone for the holidays; and, other special occasions; he will be with his family, which is where he belongs. When you give him an ultimatum, he WILL walk and you will wished you'd ended this a very long time again.... He will move on to the next woman willing to settle for less; and, you will be left broken heart wondering why you wasted all this time, energy and focus on a situation that was destined to fail in the beginning. But, maybe you need to just simply live the experience to learn as most of us do in every day life. Whatever you do, I wish you well. You will live to regret continuing to see him if that's what you decide to do.

My opinions based on my experience. And, you're right. When you post something of this nature, the responses are not going to be good. I did that once upon a time.... It was vicious.

I was trashed. Take my advice and others here.... stop it now.... Dating a married man is like talking about politics or religion. People have very strong opinions. You simply need to have enough self respect to SAY NO. It may be hard; but, you'll get through it. Please email me if you need to talk.

Dbl I agree with all that you've said except "The reason he is even cheating on his wife is because there is something wrong with there relationship. NOT JUST HIS FAULT. It takes TWO!! Never the less, he's not happy and is looking for something to fill that!"

IF he's not happy he should leave and THEN date/have sex, whatever you want to call it.. But as long as he's with his wife he in NO WAY should be cheating no matter she does UNLESS he has her blessing which obviously by LA's posts he does not... I don't think anyone's point here is that the wife is without blame.. Their point is "take care of your problems first, the right way.. Then do what you want".. In case there is confusion on the right way it is to "be single"...

Lots of good advice here. You can weigh everything in and see what works best for you. When it comes to the matters of the heart, sometimes logic and reason flies right out the window. If what you're doing bothers you in any way and makes you question your own actions then you know deep down there's something wrong somewhere. Hope in time you can figure it all out and do what's right for you. Good luck!

Wow Kings_Knight... if this thread upsets you so much, maybe just don't read it? Don't think you need to be mean? Certainly give your opinion by all means! or say "you don't care"... but no need to speak for everyone else by saying "No one Cares". Also... it really sucks the kids are caught in the middle, however, do you know this guys wife? You talk about her like she's soooo innocent? how do you know that? How do you know SHE'S not out screwing everything that moves? Point is, if a marrige is at this point, it's NOT ONE SIDED! Is it wrong? absolutely. But no need to basically tell her to just go screw off? Is that how people have helped you in the past when YOU made mistakes? or... you have just never made any mistakes?

The most interesting part.

See. Here is what I don't get. You KNOW it is wrong. You have admitted this. Ok, so if you know it is wrong, then why the hell do it? Seriously.....why???? You like this dude that much to not only put yourself in this position, but to also put him and his wife through it? Can you not see how vain you are coming off as? I can find a woman, who is married, attractive. But I also know how to not make myself feel anything more than a friendship with that person.

About people being "uptight". Well, if we were all as loose as you, then hey....I guess the world would be full of free love.

I doubt very much they tell ya to go rip apart families!!!!

I think they mean having ethics while being slutty- which is fine with me!!!

While your playing with other SINGLE people

in your relationship you are involving an unsuspecting woman and innocent children

why

cause ya wanna get laid. And stop the love shizz

if ya loved him baby

you'd let him go!!

You piss me off!!!

Bigtime!

ok here is the problem with this...she didn't get to decide if it was something she could handle, the two of you got to choose your own paths, but not her, you made decisions that directly affect her and the family that she thought she had.

for you to now try and justify anything (after the fact) by suggesting your views on fidelity or monogamy are different than most peoples' is really little more than smoke and mirrors.
if you feel like this type of arrangement is something you would be interested in, nobody can tell you that you are wrong, as long as EVERYONE involved is fully informed at the outset. the post you introduced clearly has left one person out of this loop.