From my early childhood education class

Belief systems, although not as obvious as behaviors, are an equally important part of a group’s cultural heritage. Core beliefs vary among different societies.

For example, individualistic cultures encourage independence, self-assertion, competition, and expression
of personal needs (Kaˇgitçiba¸si, 2007; Markus & Hamedani, 2007; Oyserman & Lee, 2007; Triandis, 2007).

Many families from the United States and Western Europe raise their children in an individualistic manner.

Core ideas in collectivistic cultures are that people should be obedient to and dependent on authority figures, honorable and cooperative, and invested in accomplishments of groups rather than personal achievements. Many families in Asia, Africa, and South America raise their children in a collectivistic manner.

The two bookends of culture—behaviors and beliefs—are closely related. Common behavioral practices are grounded in beliefs about what is true, healthy, appropriate, and rational
(Kitayama, Duffy, & Uchida, 2007). Adults within a culture, therefore, can justify their typical ways of raising children by asserting familiar values. As one example, consider how
families defend their sleeping practices.

Many European American parents have their children sleep alone in their own rooms or beds, and they explain that the practice ensures nighttime privacy for adults and fosters independence in children.

Other parents, particularly those in certain Asian cultures, sleep beside their children and say that co-sleeping arrangements foster
intimacy and solidarity among family members (Shweder et al., 1998).
Ultimately, by growing up in a culture, children experience human life as predictable and meaningful. Culture also adds an intellectual dimension to life by exposing children to the
accumulated wisdom, advanced discoveries, and creative works of society.
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Our family has traditionally taken part in the collectivist culture where there is an understood hierarchy based in both love and experience and every member is a part of a bigger UNIT that has to work together within assigned roles. We did adapt some of the European culture of having children sleeping alone although I personally dont see a problem with sleeping in the same bed either.

I come from an italian/Jewish background

poppy was king of the castle. No questions asked

mom was his queen/treated that way. Homemaker- no working except as wife and mom

we did nothing without pops approvel.

Family came before anything in the world

one persons in trouble the rest come running

never be absent from the dinner table except for death

had to ask permission before dating any of us

I don't know

that's just how we rolled!!

Oh yea we all had our own rooms tosleep

mom and dads room was private. Always knock first!!

I was cultured to be an isolationist oddly. Even in school I had teachers set me apart from the rest of the class. My father participated very little in my life in a positive manner) actually and my mom was aloof of me. In a traditional Italian and Sicilian home the children stay home until they get married like in Mexico.

Oddly in a traditional setting the matriarch and patriarch (eldest family members be they grand or great grand parents) are considered leaders of the family. It is the same in Asian cultures as well where the "Venerable" call the shots.

The way I was raised appalled my grand parents. My father was duty bound to teach me Italian as a language but he never did. I am on the tail end of Cultural Matriculation being third generation born on American soil. Friends of mine who are first generation born here get caught in a cultural "Gray zone" where they live between the world of their parents and American society. It actually is a stressful point in the lives of both parents and children. The cultural change is hard for the parents to understand sometimes and the inability of the parents to change the kids have a hard time understanding. Some adapt slower than others.

In America it is unspoken that kids leave home after college (and usually when they go to college they leave home for good anyways is the theory). But there are cases where the kids never leave home.

Some of them evolve into Basement Trolls! Others, Attic Trolls. You know the kind, 43 years old and hopelessly hooked on Warcraft cause it is their life? They dwell in basements or attics (which were converted).

Now that living folks!

never be absent from the dinner table except for death

i love that one,,lol, its how I was raised but sadly technology overcame what I wanted the kids to do and what they ended up doing when it came to dinner time

I dated a Sicilian for a while, I actually found their family culture to be very similar to my own,,, kind of kewl and charming at the same time,,,, our skin was different but our upbringing wasnt,,,

My mom went on vacation recently to both Italy and Sicily. She was under the impression based on my father that Sicily was going to be a 'bad' trip but she did it anyways. Oddly she found the Italians to be rude much in the vein one would assume Parisans to be. She found Sicily to be the complete opposite. They were a warm and open people but let it go without saying pissing off a Sicilian is bad! She had a good time in both countries so don't get me wrong. She just didn't like a lot of the attitude she got while she was there. I think she was in tourist land too much while there.

In an Asian nutshell:

My dad's word is law. If he says white is black, you nod in agreement.
The only reason why I won't finish college is because I'm dead.
The only reason why I would give up my virginity before I'm married is because I want to be dead.

lol, I like your style. I wish I had had more of your mentality when I was younger(about college and virginity)

I grew up the same way as far as parents word being law...period.

Great topic and thread. Thanks...I was raised much differently from my friends. My parents expected me to form opinions of my own from a very early age and "hold my own" in adult conversations...Most of my friends and cousins were raised in homes where kids weren't taken very seriously...Kids in these homes weren't allowed to really question their parents very much but this wasn't the case in my house...My parents expected me to be curious about everything and ask questions.....When I questioned my aunts and uncles and friends' parents about things they said or did...they weren't used to it at all....But I was a friendly and polite kid so they got used to me after awhile and enjoyed having so much attention from me....Their own kids viewed them as boring most of the time.

I am American born and bread Individualistic with a collective heritage of American Indian and Korean......since my grandomother is full-blooded Korean and a direct influence in my life......I am a combination.....also have English Irish and German in my heritage which are indiviualistic backgrounds my not as influenced by those as much as American, Korean and Indian interests and influences

I grew up in fear. I learned how to hide at an early age. If you have seen the movie, "The Shining" with Jack Nicholson that would explain my childhood. I had my own bed and hid under the covers. I had some wonderful imaginary friends. Since mom and dad had divorced before I was three my step mother me were good buddies. She helped me to learn how to hide, too because we were both afraid. We had some wonderful times when father wasn't there. He ruled with an iron fist and his rule was law and violators would be severely punished. Hari Kari would be easier to deal with than to violate the law. It really didn't matter where one slept what matter if one could sleep. The monster under the bed and the monster in the closest became close friends because we all were hiding.

WOW, SOUNDS AWFUL, unfortunately having children doesnt automatically make someone a good parent and many adults have difficulty giving their children a balance of support, love, discipline, and CONSEQUENCE,, focusing more on one than the others and either producting spoiled brats or terrified prisoners.

this kind of topics hurt my head

Yeah. Or variations thereof like spoiled prisoners and terrified brats. For some children running away from home seems like a logical choice; A way out. And if they can find a way out maybe they can have a real home. Of course, the search for home can take up most of their mental faculties and become a search similar to the search for the holy grail. Since their growing up wasn't really much guidance they seek guidance in others like the YMCA and similar places. Anywhere that may seem like a sanctuary or people that seem like friends. It become easy to get caught up what some may consider the wrong crowd. But the family that they see in their friends seem more like the family they read of in books and watch on television. In essence these children raise themselves instead of being raised by what may consider the nuclear family. Trust becomes a major concern as fear dominates their life and thinking because they couldn't trust anyone at home to have time for them they have to redefine how social structures should be like or how they were suppose to be like. Cartoon characters and fictional prototypes they start to evaluate and emulate because surely the real world must be similar. Since they have be cut off from the basic tenets of Maslow's order basic needs in hierarchy they start to evolve in learning their own hierarchy in life determined in how they will survive in a cold and unrelenting world. It becomes hard for them to assimilate with those who could be termed of having had a normal childhood. They basically just can't relate unless some kind of intervention they might stumble upon.

RambowTrout...Thanks for being so open. I'm sorry that you grew up with so much fear...My Dad had rage-attacks and this sure created fear and terror in my home...Most of the time my Dad was a super nice guy and he had a playful side and a great sense of humor too...But there was no telling when he might turn into a "mad man" and rage in vicious ways towards me and my Mother....He wasn't sane or reachable during his rage-attacks....It was spooky but I learned to stand up to him anyway to defend myself and my Mom and later my kids....I started running away at 15.....I found people that were loving and stable out in the world that helped me.

I have no understanding of this typecasting of cultures...

I was raised by two people who did the best they could with their inherited histories...in a time in Australia of shifting from the stoic British ways to the fast paced and liberal style of Europe and the US during the sixties.

My kids have been raised with a clear understanding that they are a part of the ALL..an integral and mindful participation in these times. They are ACCOUNTABLE and RESPONSIBLE for every choice and action they create and the impact of those choices...and a witness to the choices and actions of others.

They have a clear understanding of and an empowerment in their individuality, a respect for their innate wisdom and insights, and are EQUAL to ALL.

You are welcome. That is what my sister did was to stand up to him. I was really proud of my older sister and still am today. I think she has been married as many times as dad got married now. Later in life she told me she was sorry for the way she treated me earlier in life but I didn't think she owed me an apology because to me that was just normal sibling rivalry. She had to get tough to deal with dad. I understand that now. I used to think that it was the military that made him way because he was in Korea and Vietnam. But others soldiers I have known have came back and did not act that way. I lost dad in 97. I was 40 then. Yeah. I found rehab at 26 and they helped me. the meetings still help me, today. I would be so lost without them.

RainbowTrout....Oops! I'm sorry that I spelled your name wrong in my last post. Just noticed it. A lot of times I go on the Internet through my cell phone and it's hard for .me to read the type...Maybe it's time to consider getting glasses soon. Sorry! More coming on another post. Thanks for writing back....

RainbowTrout...I'm glad you are doing better today. I ended up going through Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome later in life and had flashbacks from my childhood....I stepped back into the scenes from my past and stood up to my Dad even more. I handed the "shame" that he inflicted on me as a child back to him...This definitely diffused a lot of my anger and gave me a stronger sense of power...I had some good years with my Dad before he died. He stopped raging at me because he knew that he could lose me if he tried to turn me into his scapegoat. We never had the kind of healing that I really wanted and we were never as close as I would have liked but we did okay together and this felt good.

Isn't it strange GreenEyes48 that we still love our fathers? At least I learned to love my father through the program. After I accepted, "But for the grace of God there go I" helped me to accept that he must have done the best that he could trying to raise my old sister and me. I mean how do you go from being a paid assassin in the military; Growing up through the depression And the to trying raise two children yourself after a divorce. I got to really know dad through rehab. I got to learn that he really was an alcoholic just like I was. But instead leaving his children with his wife like I did and not trying for custody he won custody. So I have no choice but to accept that he was a better man than I was. Like the poem by Rudyard Kipling, "You're a better man than I am Gunga Din". Dad was a man of principle and those principles were extreme. Stealing a penny was the same as stealing a million dollars to him. It wasn't the amount it was the principle. I always wondered how an Atheist father and Holy Roller mother had anything in common. It was that they were both extremist. Dad had extreme principles and Mom had extreme values through her faith. I asked mom why they broke up. I think every child of divorce wonders why they grow up with just one parent. Mom told me it was the alcoholism. She just couldn't take sitting in the car why he went into to drink with his buddies and play his guitar. Dad told me once that he had a chance to go to Nashville and play his guitar but chose the military instead. Mom told me that she always had to be ready for Army inspections and be ready to move when he did as he got shipped out pretty frequently to different bases and forts. I guess mom just got tired of being alienated from her own family and friends. I got to know dad early in life and mom later in life. It is weird growing up as a yo yo but you just learn to spring up where you are landed. Makes one real adaptable to whatever situation you find yourself into.