I don't think motive on their part lessens our pain, or increases it.
I've been hurt before.
It's one thing to be hurt...
it's quite another to talk about it for years.
Once we heal, we understand ..those who complain for years and years..what's the point in that

As with most things in life when I fell like I was wronged,

I try not to take it personal, thats just the way they roll, they didn't 'do it to ME' And chances are they would have done it to who ever they were with.


But I do agree with Sage, I was part of the problem too.

I actually agree with this. My ex-husband never set out to intentionally hurt me. He was fidelity challenged. The fact that he didn't do it with the intention to cause me pain didn't save our marriage. But, you're right. He was just doing what he wanted to do.

None of my ex's thought they were being hurtful. We just had different definitions of fidelity...

Based off a personal experience I was "mean" to a lady based off of feeling guilty for actions I perceived to be wrong doing but to most others as just normal experimentation. I was not attracted to this girl but I had never dated till I turned 25 years old, so naturally I was curious but vastly inexperienced. After a straw that broke the camel’s back experience for me with her I broke things with her for over six months without telling her why. Those were the worse six months of my life were I feel into deep depression with regret and guilt over my actions and inactions. I did apologies and explained why I did what I did, but it was too late. She is not happily married with someone else whom she has born two kids too already. I also made the descion to never make that mistake again, which I have carried out of fear of entering a relationshiped based off my first relationship. Good times! I do need to get over it.

Sadly, there are those who do mean to be mean.

Name calling is always being mean to be mean.

It seems the more hurt each suffer the more hurtful they become.

I think the line would have to be established as to what is a healthy anger and what is an abusive, controlling or manipulative abuse.

I don't believe that either of my ex's specifically meant to be mean or hurt me. However, on the other side of that coin is the fact that they indeed knew that what they were doing was "hurting me" and kept right on doing it or did it anyway so.....seems to me if you have a choice between doing something to hurt someone and not doing something to hurt someone and you do the something that hurts someone, then you indeed "meant" to hurt them???

it depends, I think there was only one in my personal experience who MEANT to be mean,, the others just werent real clear on what love was or how to express it and we werent compatible in our values and goals


my most recent ex got very intentionally mean when it became clear that we werent working and I was going to end it...

Life just takes a turn sometimes

people do whatever they want sometimes

some want to see others hurt

some don't

some don't realize they did it

some hurt cause they hurt another

hurt is a part of being human

I've been hurt but grew from it!!

I don't think my ex meant to be mean as much as she meant to be honest and I had a real problem with acceptance. I try not to dwell on it because even though it has been over ten years I still can relive it in some twisted unreal fashion. some positive has came out of it though because years later some of what she said makes more sense to me now than it did then. It is really nice when I don't think about it and remember that I have moved on from the experience.

There are 2 sides to every story and all of us feel we have been done wrong and heart broken. Which we have but there is a reason why things haven't worked because both people in a relationship have done something wrong. I feel I have been hurt in the past but I have also hurt my partner at the time.

Do I regret it? No because I wouldn't be the person I am today without the hurt, happiness and love that I have shared with them. Now it is time to move on and share the love and laughter with someone else.

I had to really think about this for awhile, My EX husband didn't really mean anything he did as cruel he just fell into the bottle and nose candy up his nose to the point somewhere he got lost.
I have had one EX, that was spiteful and mean to the extent I still avoid them when possible. Sad really since there really wasn't a need to be... I thought he was a great guy we just couldn't make a go of it.