Some people can do it. However, I've found most of those play up a martyr complex, and basically live their lives guilt-tripping the other "I stuck it out for you" until the other person becomes numb, or explodes and still ends up divorced.

I don't think it sets up good standards for each other, for their children. I believe the individual is equally important and shouldn't have to put up with what's essentialy crap and excuses for what they've done to each other.

I wouldn't put up with someone abusive, and am fortunate to have family members who would help me. I point blank do believe the man would die, by my own hands, if he truly thought smacking me around, and beating the crap out of me was effective. I absolutely know he would die by my fathers hands. My aunt on dad's side and his family, didn't tell dad for almost a year that she had finally divorced her first husband because he put her in the hospital. They knew dad would have killed the man.

Infidelity? Again no, and he'd better consider himself lucky if he got out before I got hold of a knife, because I guarantee I'd be taking his penis and balls on my way out. And unlike Bobbit, he'd never get them back.

To each his own.

Be careful to lable your friends a "better or stronger" relationship..she settled...so she got what she settled for. If you are happier being alone, yet respected..than do that. If your happier with the title wife or girlfriend, without the respect, than who is anyone to say leave?

wow,,,so, I guess you dont agree with the 'stick it out' theories..lol

I am just interested in others opinion on this but I have pondered often how far 'commitment' should go.

I think it is unhealthy to put anyone else before yourself, and more healthy to place others beside you. That is to say, my kids , my family, my parents, my spouse, my friends, are not MORE important than I am but they are EQUALLY important to me as I am to myself.


That being said, if you are matched with someone in a commitment, and it turns out that they dont truly care about you or treat you well, or that they outright abuse you or abandong you for days or months on end,,,,, is the commitment the priority or is your emotional and physical health? I know couples where the male has used and abused the woman and she stuck with him because she loves him. And I have heard it justified, that if it is really love you will stick with them and try to make it better. I feel sort of selfish when I stray from that logic to think of what is best for my emotional health. I left my first husband for infidelity on his part, and my girlfriend stayed with hers through that and even more.

now, I am a single mom, and my girlfriend is still married and apparently happily so now that twenty years of infidelity has passed and her husband has finally become committed to her in his actions. She says it was worth it because of how strong it made them as a couple to overcome all those obstacles( five outside children with two other women).

what do you think? Is there something to sticking out even the worst betrayals to make a better and stronger relationship? Is it ever justified to 'give up'on a commitment or a partner?

my ex hubby and i were together on and off for 2yrs before we got married. as to find out he had a son that was 3months older then my son. he actually has a total of 6kids
when we split up for the final time. he got involved with this one girl and they were together for awhile and they had a a child. and he cheated on her and he eventually married that lady and there still together they have a daughter thats about 19yrs old now
and according to the records i got awhile back he had a daughter that was younger than his daughter he has with his wife. so i would belive he cheated on her as well, and i wouldnt put it past him if he still hasent. his wife is so dang blind. but yet so was i but i had family and friends that pointed it out to me to see through the light

Some people can do it. However, I've found most of those play up a martyr complex, and basically live their lives guilt-tripping the other "I stuck it out for you" until the other person becomes numb, or explodes and still ends up divorced.

I don't think it sets up good standards for each other, for their children. I believe the individual is equally important and shouldn't have to put up with what's essentialy crap and excuses for what they've done to each other.

I wouldn't put up with someone abusive, and am fortunate to have family members who would help me. I point blank do believe the man would die, by my own hands, if he truly thought smacking me around, and beating the crap out of me was effective. I absolutely know he would die by my fathers hands. My aunt on dad's side and his family, didn't tell dad for almost a year that she had finally divorced her first husband because he put her in the hospital. They knew dad would have killed the man.

Infidelity? Again no, and he'd better consider himself lucky if he got out before I got hold of a knife, because I guarantee I'd be taking his penis and balls on my way out. And unlike Bobbit, he'd never get them back.

Actually, I do. Within a small range, and that does cover abuse and infidelity. I don't believe divorces should be nearly so easy to get, except in those instances. I think abuse and infidelity hits at the very core of what makes us human, or should. So for someone to disrespect that and trample it, means they aren't worth the "stick it out".

Fights over the little things, while a pain in the neck, eventually pass. Unless the person keeps bringing it up, which becomes mental abuse.

What EquusDancer said here.

There are no absolutes except in cases of abuse (mental, physical, emotional, financial, etc.) which is zero tolerance.

But with relationships in general I consider the "Emotional Bank Account Theory" There is money in the bank with every new friendship and sometimes you take money out but you got to put some back into it. But if one side of the relationship is only making withdraws...one day they will realize that there is nothing left and the relationship is finished.

Am I making any sense here?? I think this is a Stephen Covey concept.

In essence, yes, there can come a time to just walk away but until that time, in the absence of abuse, my friendships/relationships are unconditional.

Commitment is a two way street. One could say that their spouse is married but not them. One could easily say that taking a commitment to the extreme might constitute being committed to an insane asylum. I am sure a lot of people have seen the movie, "Play Misty For Me". Nobody should be somebody's else's doormat. There is a reason for breech of contract; Its just good business. There is a good reason for taking inventories; Its just good business. Even the Constitution of the United States allows for being abolished if it isn't in the best interest of "We the people". I always try to encourage sanity when I can.