You have met a wonderful person on this site....
E-mail back and forth then begin to chat...
In two weeks, you find that you are communicating with each other and no other...
You exchange email addys and phone numbers.... 4 more weeks go by and both of you have shared openly through the 128 hours of telephone calls....
You make very clear with the utmost honesty that you have always been faithful and was never sexually promiscuous...
You then find out another two weeks down the road that the person you have communicated with was promiscuous and has a life long disease because of a poor choice in their early life.
The person called it (the relationship deal breaker)....
When is it the right time to take the skeletons out and share????

there is never a 'right' time for negative news, but some times are more 'wrong' than others


you just have to get an honest feeling of where the 'relationship' is, asking questions always helps me,,,

As soon as you get even slightly close, in my opinion.
One of the first things I mention. is the fact that I have an artifical leg, im poor, etc. Any other way would be wrong.
I think it's best to put all your downsides out there first, just so ya don't waste each others time. Some people call it, putting yourself down, I call it being honest, and can be no other way. My parents made damm sure of that.

It is not about the health issue. It's the lack of bringing it to the table when the issue of health was discussed.

I understand that. And now that i've had a moment to think, I believe that the health issue should have been posted (brought to the table) in the persons profile. Keeping that sort of information from prospective partners, can only be counter productive. Personally, im drawn to people who are honest enough to post their flaws in their profile. That tells me right outta the gate, that their straight shooters

My thoughts exactly... Well back to the piano to figure this perplexing situation out..

I personally think that anyone wanting to know your "flaws" up front like that isn't truly looking for love. They are looking for self gratification. Which is very selfish in my opinion.

I would prefer to get to know someone personal and up close 1st then learn of their "imperfections" Once in a mutual feeling of "love", I can deal with it.

To be unconditionally devoted to someone is the ultimate!

Back to the question, if they don't want to tell you they don't have to. Its all about the here and now.......

if its a transmittable disease ... then they should tell you before it can be transmitted ...

if all you have done is phone chat etc... not necessary.

I personally find ... 128 hours of phone chat before meeting absolutely absurd.

but that's me. Others may think it normal or its what they are looking for ...

I'm looking for face to face .. holding hands and hugs more than phone chat or emails.

You never know until you look eachother in the eyes while talking and I don't mean Video chat.

I'm kind of torn on this... on one hand I sort of agree with jonny63, but on the other hand, I think I would want to know as soon as possible anything that would prevent us from having a long-term relationship. A life-long STD (particularly AIDS) would definitely qualify as one of those... Another might be a terminal disease like cancer...

I'm pretty much in the same boat as Free....not sure I would include the information in the profile seeing as it's not everybody's business but definitely would disclose it to someone I was developing something with. I tend to be brutally honest in general anyway though so odds are it would come up fairly quickly in the relationship.

I feel the same way as said in here. Why wait to tell your downsides? To me that's being unfair to the other person that has shown an interest in you. If waited for on down the road. And she cant handle the news. You have wasted her time in trying to get to know you.

The dating dilemmas.

I have Lupus and even though it is mild and doesn't overly impact my life, I bring it up fairly quickly. Because it is a chronic illness and anyone interested in dating me should know about it. But, EXACTLY when I mention it....there's no set time. Just pretty early.

If it was me I would want it mentioned pretty early specially if it was something that could be transmitted or life threatening. Everybody deals with things different and some can not deal with such issues. So why drag someone into your life then just blow them away. To me that is being deceitful and hurtful.... Once you have that feeling that things are going further then a friendship then you need to be honest with them and let them pull away gracefully if they need to...........

Maybe. But take me, for instance. (Please!) I have so many different standing personal flaws, physical, mental and moral alike, that I can fill my profile chock-full of them, and still have quite a lot left over.

I can sound honest and open, and be dubious and a weasel at the same time. People will like me for my honesty and my misery, but don't realize the dishonesty and the misery they'll get into when they get into a relationship with me.

Most people are like me.

So two people of a couplehood who don't split are basically people who are too tired or listless to act on their disappointments.

The race, the general "go forth and multiply" basis of the propagation of our race, is done on one hand on the strength of hormones, and on the other, of a general and pervasive, but very useful lethargy and apathy disbursed among its more constructive members.

if they cant be Honest enough to tell you Before yall started getting deep about something that serious...then what makes you think they wont lie about other things too ??

sorry to hear of your misfortune btw,and best wishes for the future.

Edit.....i noticed something a bit odd..
after doing the math from your statement,the total time spent on this is 8 weeks,or two months.
yet according to your join date,youve only been here for one month??

perhaps im reading it wrong? but that doesnt make sense...

^^^^^^^^ Hummmmmmm it could be just a Hypothetical Question. I know that 90% of the time I post questions they are not something I went through myself but have seen others go though it instead.... JMO

Normally, I wait till the panties fall and then say...."By the way...did I ever mention to you that I am wanted in Turkey for stealing a rug? Yeah. Interpol his a file on me....but it doesn't change how I feel about you. I mean...you just have to keep calling me by my fake name, and if you are ever questioned, then....you never saw me. (Pulls out 9MM) Right????"

If I feel a spark I get my s*** out in the first few phone calls, legal s***, health s***...anything and everything that will be a large portion of the relationship. Some skeletons, though, are so big that they stay in the closet but they won't affect the relationship...just secrets that no one will ever know.

When is it the right time to take the skeletons out and share????





Somewhere about here, I believe in personal privacy, and I also believe in honest disclosure....

Something to this effect...