TwilightsTwin, it seems you have answered your own question. If I were
in your shoes I would go w/my heart and who has molded you to the woman
you are today. It sounds like your 'real' father has brought you alot
of pain during your childhood and even though he has 'changed', your
feelings about him really haven't. Take both your mom and your
stepfather down the aisle to give you away. Together they have created
a very strong woman. They have jointly helped you grow into the
responsible adult that you are. Remember that this is your day, go
w/your heart. The rest will fall as it may. Also traditions can always
be changed for the better.

Okay this is what happen in this case that is close to yours. After my
ex and I divorced my step-daughter called me in tears for she was
fighting the same situation and pretty close to yours. She wanted my
honest opinion on the situation. Her Dad and Mom divorced before she was
3yrs old. Even tho he was around all those years he never really made
the extra effort to be close to her and only did what he had too per
sey. After we married I actually made arangements for her to spend the
weekend for he was only getting her on Sundays from noon -6pm Her mom's
and grandmothers choice. It ended up I would go pick her up when she was
allowed to stay the weekend and most the time I took her home and spent
the time with her. While her Dad was off doing whatever. Her Mom finally
remarried and her step-Dad was always there for her took her places did
things for her and always made sure the little extra things were done
her car worked on etc. Well when she got married her Mom and Step-Dad
had also Divorced. But he still remained in her life with phone calls
and still doing for her. So she was at ends who to ask to walk her down
the isle. Her real Dad which was still around but they were not close.
Or her Step Dad which actually was the one that comfort her when she had
bad dreams the one that made all her school plays and her music
recitels. Even tho her Mom was no longer maarried to him she felt a
closeness to him she did not feel with her real Dad. Well my opinion to
her was go with your HEART think about it who was there when you needed
them? Who dried your tears from a bad dream? Who was always by your side
through thick and thin. Who made all your school functions. Who did you
go to when you needed a father figure to talk too? WEll after we sat and
talked she came to the conclusion that her Step Dad is the one she felt
the deepest love for she loved her Dad as well but her Step-Dad was the
one that came to mind behind every question. I stood behind her and even
helped to explain to my ex he did understand and he said his self he did
not blame her for her Step-Dad was a very good man and he knew it that
he was not there like he should have been. Well she had her Step-Dad
walk her down the isle. But now this was all disscussed with the Mom and
she wanted one of them to do it she would if they both backed out but
wanted one of them to do the honor. You will be surprised what the
reactions are for most will swallow there pride and keep the peace at
that time. In her case it was for the best for approx 6 months later her
Step-Dad died of a heart attack. And I must say he was the happiest Man
that day as he walked his Step-Daughter down the isle he had no kids of
his own. And she said many times how he keep thanking her for thinking
so much of him to give him that honor. It is a shame you can not have
them both do it and be civil to each other. But you might be surprised
at there answer and both of there reactions if you so choice to ask them
both. Put it this way if you ask them both and one backs out or both
does Hummm solve it real quick if you have a brother ask him to stand
in. But she did discuse it with her Mom which said she would if they
could not be Men enough and understand. There is nothing wrong with the
Mother giving them away now days. Follow your HEART it is your DAY. And
if it so be MOM then MOM it is. Hope this helps a little
bit.

HEy hun
It's supposed to be your day
Close your eyes
Picture the wedding in your head
What do you see?
Ultimately what ever makes you happy Hun Either one of them should be
happy for you regardless of the decision made
AS LONG AS YOU ARE HAPPY

Wow thanks alot txsgal, thanks for sharing your example. I always
wondered what people do in these situations.

mrsart4u, thank you too! But I still dont know who really made me who I
am.


AHHHHH, Im so confused!

1. My mom is my mom, she was mom & dad alot of times. She has always
been there for me. She was there when I was born, and she is here for
me now. But I don't think she would be hurt if I didn't ask her to walk
me down the asile. Because traditionally it is the father who does...so
I think she wouldnt expect me to ask her. Even though I think it would
be wonderful to have her give me away, because alot of who I am and what
I stand for comes from my mom and her side.

2. My step father also attributes to who I am today. He is the one who
brought out the "redneck" in me (but in a good way). He is the reason I
love the outdoors, the reason I know how to drive just about any kind of
machinery, and he has taught me the rewards in hard work. I think he
would be absolutely tickled pink if I chose him to walk me down the
asile. Txsgal, your story really made me think...esp when you said the
step father died 6 months later. But he was the happiest man that
day. Not that I want to think of that, but I know it would make my step
dad very happy & proud. My step dad has always been there, not since my
birth (but he couldnt help that) and I know he will always be there for
me in the future.


Im starting to make up my mind...I think I will not ask my mom...I love
her to death, but I really dont think she'd expect me to ask her. Or
would she? There have been a few times she has pointed out to me that
she has played a father figure. For example, integregating boys before
dates. Hmmmm...But my step dad probably would expect me to ask him, and
I do want to ask him. But my real dad, would expect me to ask him too.
If I asked both my mom & step dad and not my father...chances are he'd
NEVER speak to me again. My real dad is funny like that and has stopped
talking to me before. I would hate to loose contact with my dad, esp
now since he is making an effort to be in my life again and trying out
the new role as "grandpa"...but at the same time I dont want to be
obligated to have him walk me down the asile just to please his
temperment.

Well I thought I had it figured out...*SIGH*

I was thinking take both my dad & my step dad (Both would hate having to
look at each other...but neither would be insulted that they weren't
asked) But would I be insulting my step dad who after all was my father
figure in my childhood by handing him the same role I am giving my real
dad (who was a bad man in my childhood)??????????


****Can I pull out my hair now?******

I better get my van fixed or a decent vehicle so I can cry my eyes out
at the Wedding

All i can say is if you are already flipping out about the wedding
WHo is going to catch me when I faint in three years
LOL

I'll let my squirrel catch ya if Katie doesn't....

course now that i'm thinking of it..he might be too drunk too

3 years?

Kate Id love to see ya there!

LMAO@katers

((((((((((((Katers))))))))))

You better believe it Katie

If we wait 3 years
LMAO

hmmmmm...well..my squirrel may be sober by then


(((((((((((Katie and Chris))))))))))))))

twin....
I have a Dad and a StepDad.. I know what you are feeling...
that is a very hard decision to make. i have been married twice.
You just remember that it's YOUR day.. not their day...
If they both love and care for you at all... they will put aside their
differences for your sake.

What did you do hippychick?

Well I know one thing...as long as Chris is by my side and he is the one
I am marrying...we are A-OK

the first time i didnt have either walk me down the isle...

the 2nd time i had them both

and now
every thanks giving is at my house with my whole entire family my
mother, my father,my step mother, my stepfather, and the rest of the
bunch.. and on that one day every year.. EVERYONE is civil and enjoys
eachother all differences aside.

{now the rest of the year goes back to normal}

it's really very nice.. to have that one day

You 2 are definitly the perfect couple

thanks Katers
I know Katie is cute..... beautiful.....adorable
hee hee

just keep reminding her that...

hippychick...If I tried that we'd have a food fight, LOL.


Thanks Katertots