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| Topic: Long time singles are the hardest to reach out for | |
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Yeah, I am damaged goods for sure.
Then again, I have known since a very young age that I was ment to be alone. Yes, I have given destiny the finger and tried to be a partner to no avail. (I would still be hooked up if I could just get past the fact that every woman I have been serious with gets the "Grass is greener" syndrome and tries cheating. Always the same result......an apology and asking for another chance. I do not forgive. I do not forget. Unfortunately, past experience automatically precludes any delusions of trust. For years, my family encouraged me to find a woman and become part of the status quo. Now, my family have all taken to the path I walk. Everyone who really really knows me agrees that I did the right thing when I turned away from putting my faith in partnerships. Now it is easy. I have my place. You have yours. You get 1 drawer here. If you bring more than your toothbrush into my bathroom, kick your own @ss to the curb. |
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I can agree with what you said, Atlantis. Even the cruel comment, though that's always a perception thing. What's simple and direct to one person, might be considered cruel to another. Or, for some and just this Monday, what makes one a "frigid *****."
It's actually not just the single versus dating thing either. It's mostly solitary versus groups thing as well. Most of my acquaintances/friends live an hour to an hour and half away from me, to the north side of Dallas. I truly don't have any interest in driving that far just to sit and chat with them and watch them get chit-faced drunk, and they all seem to think the road goes one way. The couple of close friends, while I enjoy them, are into the large groups/commune/life's a constant party type thing. Once every month, or better yet, every 2 months, for 6-8 hours, and I'm wore out, and done. They can't just have a couple of folks over to sit, relax, chat and have fun, it's got to be a whole big gathering. Even when I'm there, I'll go escape for an hour and take a walk in their woods, visit their horses, just to get away from the noise. I haven't found anyone who enjoys a quiet life, working with one's hands, messing with the animals, kicking back in the evenings, relaxing and talking as the sun goes down, type of person. Occasional evening out, or go hit a matinee, the occasional festival, travel, etc. sort. |
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I think the biggest problem for those singles who have been single for a long time (let's say 3+ years), is that they picked up a lifestyle where they are single, and everything around them is organized such a way and just how they run their days. Even if you feel it every day, this pressure to date someone and be with someone, there is another force that oppose it just as strongly, because you are about to brake many habits and the way you run your day for 100s of days, and while you also feel it's great that you have found someone, at the same time you get this "tennis ball in your throat" feeling how you aren't willing to brake your habits and your daily schedule you have been doing for a long time. This I absolutely agree with and it makes it difficult to give up independence for a co-existing relationship, in many ways Many times..these people have suffered a serious loss or has been betrayed too many times and developed such a strong "force shield" that is literally like an invisible prison cell at the same time holding the person a hostage beside bouncing off these date attempts , and the forces holding it together is is flowing directly out of this person. This definitely would be a defense mechanism used by those.....to protect one self This is pretty much why you get those "ice queens and kings who will repel people very quickly once senses a very cheap schemes and dating themes seen hundreds of times and they have long past the point, that when someone would label them rude names, they couldn't really care less. These people see through others like they are air and they will only hear what they want to hear. Oh yeah they are also not afraid to be cruel to anyone who will obviously suffer from their rejection, but these long time singles don't really care about that either, because they think "This is nothing compared to what was done to me". So what do you think? I do not necessarily believe that all people allow their pasts to affect them to the point of affecting others around them in negative ways, but that is just me. I refuse to change my perspective because of others and their doings or lack there of. |
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Yeah, I am damaged goods for sure. Then again, I have known since a very young age that I was ment to be alone. Yes, I have given destiny the finger and tried to be a partner to no avail. (I would still be hooked up if I could just get past the fact that every woman I have been serious with gets the "Grass is greener" syndrome and tries cheating. Always the same result ......an apology and asking for another chance. I do not forgive. I do not forget. Unfortunately, past experience automatically precludes any delusions of trust. For years, my family encouraged me to find a woman and become part of the status quo. Now, my family have all taken to the path I walk. Everyone who really really knows me agrees that I did the right thing when I turned away from putting my faith in partnerships. Now it is easy. I have my place. You have yours. You get 1 drawer here. If you bring more than your toothbrush into my bathroom, kick your own @ss to the curb. Geez, not even toothpaste?? |
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No toothpaste! I can live with dragon breath smooches.
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I dont date because most guys my age dont have kids and want them, i cant have kids and i dont want anymore. The other thing is i have two children and i was in a horrible 3yr relationship with someone who had kids and it was always fighting about your kids this or your kids that, gets old fast and is way too stressful, or you both have different ideas of how to raise your kids. The other thing is that i use to try to please too much and got treated like ****, so ya i have a pretty big wall up. I do have lots of friends though.
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No toothpaste! I can live with dragon breath smooches. I can see where a dragon with no teeth would not be an impediment for you  |
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Edited by
buttons
on
Wed 06/02/10 12:52 PM
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i think for some it may be this way you describe OP, However for others perhaps they just aren't so naive anymore and can see what would become of a relationship with that person.
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that is rarely possible
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No toothpaste! I can live with dragon breath smooches. I can see where a dragon with no teeth would not be an impediment for you I pay extra for no teeth! |
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No toothpaste! I can live with dragon breath smooches. I can see where a dragon with no teeth would not be an impediment for you I pay extra for no teeth! Do you pay by the tooth? |
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I think the biggest problem for those singles who have been single for a long time (let's say 3+ years), is that they picked up a lifestyle where they are single, and everything around them is organized such a way and just how they run their days. Even if you feel it every day, this pressure to date someone and be with someone, there is another force that oppose it just as strongly, because you are about to brake many habits and the way you run your day for 100s of days, and while you also feel it's great that you have found someone, at the same time you get this "tennis ball in your throat" feeling how you aren't willing to brake your habits and your daily schedule you have been doing for a long time. Actually, I think it's harder to grab someone out of his little bubble world he has cocooned himself or herself and simple and typical ways of flirting and trying to get attention will not work on the person. This force is not easy to deal with or to brake it down, and bounces off weak attempts very easily. Many times..these people have suffered a serious loss or has been betrayed too many times and developed such a strong "force shield" that is literally like an invisible prison cell at the same time holding the person a hostage beside bouncing off these date attempts , and the forces holding it together is is flowing directly out of this person. This is pretty much why you get those "ice queens and kings who will repel people very quickly once senses a very cheap schemes and dating themes seen hundreds of times and they have long past the point, that when someone would label them rude names, they couldn't really care less. These people see through others like they are air and they will only hear what they want to hear. Oh yeah they are also not afraid to be cruel to anyone who will obviously suffer from their rejection, but these long time singles don't really care about that either, because they think "This is nothing compared to what was done to me". So what do you think? I'll have to go with that passage from "The Prophet": What of the ox who loves his yoke and deems the elk and deer of the forest stray and vagrant things?" -Kerry O. |
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I've been single for a long time and wouldn't mind a partner but I agree, I have worried about my ability to let someone be so close to me on a regular basis - not so much my routine as a problem as my stuff, If he touches my stereo, car or computer.....it won't be pretty.......
and I haven't had to "ask" anyone else as far as how I spend my free time and I don't plan to change that........see!! I'm a case in point......... but I am not cruel |
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I must say..some of us are single just because we LOVE to be single. I have to admit, I don't like drama and I sure as heck don't want to work on a relationship right now!! I think people forget all of the great things about being single!!
I am never mean to anyone UNLESS I have to be. I would never disrespect someone, I do have manners!! I have been single for a very long time and I am very content with my life the way it is. I think IF I ever decide I WANT a man, I won't have a problem finding one...there are so many single men out there!!!  So CHEERS TO BEING SINGLE AND BEING NICE TO EVERYONE!!!  |
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I have been single for over three years. I am by no means an Ice queen althought I get labeled that for being shy. I am not rude or uncaring about other people's feelings. It is just the opposite actually. I am too caring and understanding about what other people think.
I have had men walk away because they don't take the time to get to know me and realize that I am shy. Which usually means they are after only one thing, sex. Relationships are bases on more than that. I am sure that some people fit this stereotype. |
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you pretty well hit the nail on the head Atlantis...even some women have commented on my shield...
ps,im an Aries...not that it matters. also,i liked rascoes answer,as it applies to me as well. |
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Humm even though I have been divorced for almost 19 years and still single. I am in no way rude or crude or even off limits. For in that time I have dated some for a very long time.. But it just did not last. Honestly I'm pretty set in my way and like having the freedom that I have. To me the best relationship would be with one that has his place and I have mine for I do like the my time I have. And the fact I can go and do as I please. Problem is finding another that is as secure with that idea as I'm and have a one on one relationship as well..
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No toothpaste! I can live with dragon breath smooches. I can see where a dragon with no teeth would not be an impediment for you I pay extra for no teeth! 
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to be cruel? I'll be honest. I think Horoscopes are a bunch of nonsense.  I got almost mingle-lynched for saying the same thing a few months ago.  I'll second that .. or third it. Whatever  People twist them to say what they want to say. Period. Hey did the noose hurt? 
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I agree up until the cruel part. Maybe I used the wrong word, too strong. What I meant is, that you can get less sensitive and not even noticing that you are hurting someone you have already closed out as a possibility and it comes from being a bit "ironed" by much much worse pain "love suffering". So it might not bother you, blowing off someone who tried getting closer to you or you don't think it should bother him or her, because you're thinking this is nothing, plus also you haven't even lowered your shield at all. Many times people like that - I mean singles for a long time - gives a different impression than what he/she truly is without this self developed personal defense system. I have dealt with it..after peeling back many layers of her shield, there was someone entirely different than she showed for the "outside world". Usually it's like trying to break in a rampaging Godzilla and you gonna find a little angel under the monster suit. |
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