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| Topic: Long time singles are the hardest to reach out for | |
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I just got pickier, not un-approachable. I know what I want and don't have time for the games or bullchit...
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I just got pickier, not un-approachable. I know what I want and don't have time for the games or bullchit... Me too. Makes me wonder why people would ever want to go back to an earlier, more complicated time in their life ... |
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Atlantis is beautiful
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Like I said earlier I have been single for over three years. It has not been by choice that is for sure. I do agree that over time you do get settled into your ways of living. It however, should not scare or make anxiety for any of the parties involved. If it does then it is not right. If you can't let someone new into your life then you are not ready to move on from the past. On the other hand, you can't live in the past. You can't let the past dictate your future for there will not be a future.
I agree that people do hide themsleves from newly introduced people. We all do. I think that peeling back the onion layer by layer is part of the learning process of getting to know each other. Ya maybe that person is not truely right for you after all in the end. The key is not give up hope that you will meet the one for you. |
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Like I said earlier I have been single for over three years. It has not been by choice that is for sure. I do agree that over time you do get settled into your ways of living. It however, should not scare or make anxiety for any of the parties involved. If it does then it is not right. If you can't let someone new into your life then you are not ready to move on from the past. On the other hand, you can't live in the past. You can't let the past dictate your future for there will not be a future. I agree that people do hide themsleves from newly introduced people. We all do. I think that peeling back the onion layer by layer is part of the learning process of getting to know each other. Ya maybe that person is not truely right for you after all in the end. The key is not give up hope that you will meet the one for you. Enh. After 15 years of living alone and 2 major illnesses, I look at not having The One as being like a fish without a bicycle-- while it might be a hoot, still waters still run deep and despite the negative press, it's not a bad place to swim if you have the fins for it. -Kerry O. |
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Atlantis is beautiful It must have been. It hasn't been discovered yet. 
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Atlantis is beautiful It must have been. It hasn't been discovered yet. BOOOOOOOO...take the compliment, you goon
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Atlantis is beautiful It must have been. It hasn't been discovered yet. BOOOOOOOO...take the compliment, you goon The goon one? 
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Atlantis is beautiful It must have been. It hasn't been discovered yet. BOOOOOOOO...take the compliment, you goon The goon one? Fine...I guess since it came from me  I'll just go sulk in the corner somewhere in the void of the internet  You should really be less modest =) Goodnight 
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Atlantis is beautiful It must have been. It hasn't been discovered yet. BOOOOOOOO...take the compliment, you goon The goon one? Fine...I guess since it came from me I'll just go sulk in the corner somewhere in the void of the internet You should really be less modest =) Goodnight Aww! Alright..Thank You! You're very cute too!  
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Atlantis is beautiful It must have been. It hasn't been discovered yet. BOOOOOOOO...take the compliment, you goon The goon one? Fine...I guess since it came from me I'll just go sulk in the corner somewhere in the void of the internet You should really be less modest =) Goodnight Aww! Alright..Thank You! You're very cute too! YES!!! There's no reverse so I'll just pretend to be taking the flowers and kissing back 
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On the flip side (being the rejectee rather than the rejected), these same singles can be a bit quick to place the blame on others. The other day I got 2 emails from the same guy with in 1 hour of each other... the first said blah blah blah I'm interested. The second said you know I would really appreciate it if you would respond being rejected is better than silence. Guy didn't even check to see if I read the first one yet before sending the second, which I had not. Seriously how else am I supposed to respond to that? I don't care how nice you are or how polite your email is, don't accuse me of ignoring you when you didn't even check to see if I had read it or not. Just because others have done it to you in the past doesn't give you the right to make snap judgments. I got the same thing - block/delete. period. |
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For many, it comes down to being emotionally available.
After my last breakup, a year ago,  I asked a very close friend of mine if she saw me ever being with someone permanently .. Her answer was profound to me & I've never forgotten it: She said "If YOU want to, you will" ... ie .. it was in MY power to do something about it. We give the control to every other human being out there, but ourselves. I have consistently dated unavailable (in some way) men, or men who would never have worked out with my family, and we are very close. Why? Because I was comfortable with the TWO separate worlds I lived in. I still would be excepting I now realize I want someone special for permanent, and to share WITH my family. It will be more work for me but worth it. That new discovery will override the independence in my life. Why? Because "I WANT TO" 
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For many, it comes down to being emotionally available. After my last breakup, a year ago, I asked a very close friend of mine if she saw me ever being with someone permanently .. Her answer was profound to me & I've never forgotten it: She said "If YOU want to, you will" ... ie .. it was in MY power to do something about it. We give the control to every other human being out there, but ourselves. I have consistently dated unavailable (in some way) men, or men who would never have worked out with my family, and we are very close. Why? Because I was comfortable with the TWO separate worlds I lived in. I still would be excepting I now realize I want someone special for permanent, and to share WITH my family. It will be more work for me but worth it. That new discovery will override the independence in my life. Why? Because "I WANT TO" Hmmmm....Never thought about it that way. Thank you for sharing.
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For many, it comes down to being emotionally available. After my last breakup, a year ago, I asked a very close friend of mine if she saw me ever being with someone permanently .. Her answer was profound to me & I've never forgotten it: She said "If YOU want to, you will" ... ie .. it was in MY power to do something about it. We give the control to every other human being out there, but ourselves. I have consistently dated unavailable (in some way) men, or men who would never have worked out with my family, and we are very close. Why? Because I was comfortable with the TWO separate worlds I lived in. I still would be excepting I now realize I want someone special for permanent, and to share WITH my family. It will be more work for me but worth it. That new discovery will override the independence in my life. Why? Because "I WANT TO" Hmmmm....Never thought about it that way. Thank you for sharing. YVW. And ya .. honestly .. I hadn't either. It give me a very NEW perspective to my single status 
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For many, it comes down to being emotionally available. After my last breakup, a year ago, I asked a very close friend of mine if she saw me ever being with someone permanently .. Her answer was profound to me & I've never forgotten it: She said "If YOU want to, you will" ... ie .. it was in MY power to do something about it. We give the control to every other human being out there, but ourselves. I have consistently dated unavailable (in some way) men, or men who would never have worked out with my family, and we are very close. Why? Because I was comfortable with the TWO separate worlds I lived in. I still would be excepting I now realize I want someone special for permanent, and to share WITH my family. It will be more work for me but worth it. That new discovery will override the independence in my life. Why? Because "I WANT TO" Another "Ah-Ha!" moment as I call them. You can listen to, ask questions of people for everythng, but until you totally take it in, or something clicks just so - "Ah, ha!", it won't mean much. You're friend is very wise! |
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For many, it comes down to being emotionally available. After my last breakup, a year ago, I asked a very close friend of mine if she saw me ever being with someone permanently .. Her answer was profound to me & I've never forgotten it: She said "If YOU want to, you will" ... ie .. it was in MY power to do something about it. We give the control to every other human being out there, but ourselves. I have consistently dated unavailable (in some way) men, or men who would never have worked out with my family, and we are very close. Why? Because I was comfortable with the TWO separate worlds I lived in. I still would be excepting I now realize I want someone special for permanent, and to share WITH my family. It will be more work for me but worth it. That new discovery will override the independence in my life. Why? Because "I WANT TO" On the surface a lot of the guys I've dated would seem not to be "real boyfreind material" but 1 or 2 of those bad boys I really loved - ya, I am just an idiot when it comes to men. I'm hopeless..ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh............. 
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For many, it comes down to being emotionally available. After my last breakup, a year ago, I asked a very close friend of mine if she saw me ever being with someone permanently .. Her answer was profound to me & I've never forgotten it: She said "If YOU want to, you will" ... ie .. it was in MY power to do something about it. We give the control to every other human being out there, but ourselves. I have consistently dated unavailable (in some way) men, or men who would never have worked out with my family, and we are very close. Why? Because I was comfortable with the TWO separate worlds I lived in. I still would be excepting I now realize I want someone special for permanent, and to share WITH my family. It will be more work for me but worth it. That new discovery will override the independence in my life. Why? Because "I WANT TO" On the surface a lot of the guys I've dated would seem not to be "real boyfreind material" but 1 or 2 of those bad boys I really loved - ya, I am just an idiot when it comes to men. I'm hopeless..ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh............. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh............. I mean....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............Hopeless, I just don't believe it....Let go and seek and ye of little faith, you will find it. I felt like grasshopper for a second. |
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For many, it comes down to being emotionally available. After my last breakup, a year ago, I asked a very close friend of mine if she saw me ever being with someone permanently .. Her answer was profound to me & I've never forgotten it: She said "If YOU want to, you will" ... ie .. it was in MY power to do something about it. We give the control to every other human being out there, but ourselves. I have consistently dated unavailable (in some way) men, or men who would never have worked out with my family, and we are very close. Why? Because I was comfortable with the TWO separate worlds I lived in. I still would be excepting I now realize I want someone special for permanent, and to share WITH my family. It will be more work for me but worth it. That new discovery will override the independence in my life. Why? Because "I WANT TO" On the surface a lot of the guys I've dated would seem not to be "real boyfreind material" but 1 or 2 of those bad boys I really loved - ya, I am just an idiot when it comes to men. I'm hopeless..ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh............. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh............. I mean....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............Hopeless, I just don't believe it....Let go and seek and ye of little faith, you will find it. I felt like grasshopper for a second. yes ompletely hopeless |
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OP, I understand what you were originally saying. It is now 7 years since I have lived with my ex. I make my own decisions and I answer to me and my kids. To have someone come in to my home and change my routine is scary to say the least, but on the other hand, to have no one to share my life with is also frightfull. The reason I first got on line is to find that person that would compliment my life and I theirs. But after 4 years of looking, and getting burned every step of the way, I just lost heart in the process. Sure, I get an email once a month, and it ends up that I have to tell that email writer, that lives 3 thousand miles away, "Good luck with your continued search" Yes, that is blunt, yes you could even say that is cruel. He could very well have been the one, but as I age, I am like the cat in a cage that only gets beaten for trying to survive, and I react from years of type of conditioning. Every date that goes bad is another beating that conditions me to stay in the background and not fight so hard for what I deserve. The longer I am alone, the easier it is to stay alone. Yes, I rail at the lack of a dating pool in my area, for me, but I no longer have any fight or flirt left in me.
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