OP, I understand what you were originally saying. It is now 7 years since I have lived with my ex. I make my own decisions and I answer to me and my kids. To have someone come in to my home and change my routine is scary to say the least, but on the other hand, to have no one to share my life with is also frightfull. The reason I first got on line is to find that person that would compliment my life and I theirs. But after 4 years of looking, and getting burned every step of the way, I just lost heart in the process. Sure, I get an email once a month, and it ends up that I have to tell that email writer, that lives 3 thousand miles away, "Good luck with your continued search" Yes, that is blunt, yes you could even say that is cruel. He could very well have been the one, but as I age, I am like the cat in a cage that only gets beaten for trying to survive, and I react from years of type of conditioning. Every date that goes bad is another beating that conditions me to stay in the background and not fight so hard for what I deserve. The longer I am alone, the easier it is to stay alone. Yes, I rail at the lack of a dating pool in my area, for me, but I no longer have any fight or flirt left in me.

I agree, and I am sorry. And it has been about that long for me, too. 7 years. So it does make it hard.

For many, it comes down to being emotionally available.

OP, I understand what you were originally saying. It is now 7 years since I have lived with my ex. I make my own decisions and I answer to me and my kids. To have someone come in to my home and change my routine is scary to say the least, but on the other hand, to have no one to share my life with is also frightfull. The reason I first got on line is to find that person that would compliment my life and I theirs. But after 4 years of looking, and getting burned every step of the way, I just lost heart in the process. Sure, I get an email once a month, and it ends up that I have to tell that email writer, that lives 3 thousand miles away, "Good luck with your continued search" Yes, that is blunt, yes you could even say that is cruel. He could very well have been the one, but as I age, I am like the cat in a cage that only gets beaten for trying to survive, and I react from years of type of conditioning. Every date that goes bad is another beating that conditions me to stay in the background and not fight so hard for what I deserve. The longer I am alone, the easier it is to stay alone. Yes, I rail at the lack of a dating pool in my area, for me, but I no longer have any fight or flirt left in me.

This post makes me sad. You've lost hope my friend. And I am very sorry to read that.

It also gives my words even more power unfortunately ..

That you will be with someone IF YOU WANT TO. It sounds like you don't anymore.

I am sorry though. I think God created us to be in love and sharing life with another ... so I hope someone comes along to change that hopelessness for you

I'm trackin with you except the comment about 'rules' on the guys part? What rules are you speaking of? I've never thought they had any.

1. Don't call me, it makes you look desperate.
2. Do not be the aggressor, it makes you look desperate.
3. If you make the first move, I expect sex the first time we meet and I'll know you are desperate.
4. Do not expect anything from me. Like return texts, messages and phone calls. I have a life and you don't.
5. Your kids are not more important than me.



Those are just some of the type of rules I get from fellas that "say" they are interested.

Thanks, but like I said, I am stubborn, I am not totally immersed in hopelessness just yet. I DO want to find someone, but the urgency is gone. after being here so long I am just waiting patiently for that one newbie to shine through the dark. But no longer am I the agressor in seeking a relationship. Been there done that and got the t-shirt and everything. LOL