Needless to say I have a major disability, a spinal cord injury that happened nearly 30 years ago. I'm considered a quad but still have some use of my arms and very limited use of my hands. I have managed to stay healthy and still do many of the same things I did before my injury. I've adapted very well and have what most would consider a normal life except when it comes to women. It seems like every time a relationship starts getting serious they tend to back away never to be heard from again. The few that still talk to me dodge my questions as to why they all seem to shy away. I explain my injury and they seem to be satisfied with what I can explain to them in pretty simple terms and they even tell me my disability has no bearing on how they see me.

My question is a simple one, what can I do to make them feel at ease and to communicate with them in a better fashion, for lack of a better way to put it. I try not to get frustrated and keep looking. So what's a guy to do?

Humor always puts women at ease.

my daughter dad is half blind but acording to the state he was declard legally blind... i didnt have any problems being with him at the time any how

and i dated a guy that was in a semi accedent where 8yrs later it left his mobilty to talk and walk where he had to use a walker... he was a great guy but i knew that he couldnt emaotionally support himself so i knew he couldnt emotionally support me.. so i felt that it was best to go our seprate ways...


but yea i also agree humor is the great way to go


i also have a disabilty and some dont want to deal or want ot know how
i have a birthdefect called lawerence beild syndrome where it effects each person in a differnt way but it does cause issue with the kidneys and i have had problems with my kidneys for 27yrs they actually think longer and i have been on dialysis for 5yrs

I understand your frustration...I am not sure what the answer is, but don't worry about those that run..I have learned the hard way...when a women is dodging you and avoiding your questions, I take the hint and just move on...They are too afraid to give you the "TRUTH"...

I am a disabled vet...Mine is depression and PTSD....I tend to be alone and stay away from people...Needless to say, it can be very lonely, but by staying out in the middle of no-where, I know that I am at peace...Something that I can't find in the cities....I have been single and by myself since I left Cleveland in 1991...I think it is important to be able to live by yourself, for yourself...

After my divorce, I forced myself to go out and eat by myself, as well as go to the movies by myself...that was over 20 years ago...

Now, in today's world it is so much worse than when it was 20 years ago...It just seems that there is less and less compassion out there...It is a "ME,ME,Me" society by my observations.....

Be content with yourself, love yourself for who you are...That is what I am focusing on today...

Hopefully, you will meet someone and accept you for who you are, as me for who I am....

Most of all, be compassionate to others and listen to what is said, as well as what isn't said....

As I learned in College; No communication, is communication....
When they don't communicate, they are sending a clear message...I just prefer to move on instead of force an answer....

PEACE
Dan

No shortage of humor here, if anything I tend to use it as a way to put people I've just met at ease. As my nurse puts it I can talk to anyone no matter what age, gender, or class they may be a part of. Since my injury I've been much more open about who I am and probably do things I never ever would have dreamed of doing before my injury.

That's funny Dan I pretty much live the same way. I grew up on a farm and had just finished going to college for farm management when I had a freak diving type of accident where I never hit the bottom of the lake, I was trying to change direction in midair so I wouldn't land on my youngest sister, she just popped up out of nowhere. As soon as I hit the water I felt something in my neck pop and in the blink of an eye completely paralyzed. I could see my arms out in front of me and even feel my legs, they just didn't want to move. It was the third day in ICU before I began moving anything. First my right shoulder then the arm and then my left side started coming back in the same manner. I was so weak that if I wanted a drink or had an itch I had to ask for someone to get it for me. The nurse told me that the swelling of my spinal cord was causing the problem and I did lose the use of everything from my upper chest on down. I still have sensation from head to toe but it varies from one place to another. It was determined to be a compression fracture of the C5-C6 vertebra in my neck where the damage was done.

I have come to accept the man I have become and actually very happy. Given the chance I have much to offer and once someone learns what my limitations are they would be in for a big surprise about what I can do and even now so many years post injury still willing to try and learn new things. My body may not work as it once did but I've managed to figure out ways around those limits.

Being alone is no big deal since working on the farm I was alone with my thoughts as I worked out in the fields every day during the spring and fall. I loved to see things come alive in the spring knowing that in time things would change as the seasons changed. Only now my body has changed but that's ok I can handle that. My only wish is that just one special woman would realize that and see that I am indeed a complete man.

I like that humor puts women at ease. My new male nurse is easy to get along with. He was a cpr himself for many years. One of our residents who is about ninety he got up while I was at break. He got her dressed while he gave me a lunch break. She was happy. She always seems to be happy when she gets her way. I was telling the nurse that she wins most of the arguments we have about if it is day or night. He said that it easy to win the argument when you don't actually listen to what the other person is saying.

Hummm you say you are a quad with use of your arms and minimal use of your hands. That there is not much you can not do on your own.

Don't take this wrong but could it be that some women just figure since your in a wheel chair that sex is out of the question? Not sure if those issues have been discussed or not. Even though that is not always the case for those within a wheelchair it is for some. And maybe that could tend to scare some off....

But in reality just have patience for you will find that one that will accept you as you are regardless of your disability's.

Good luck within your search just hang in there......I'm sure you have a lot to offer one and someday you will find her...

TxsGal I don't know just how much you know about spinal cord injuries and in reality they are all different even if they are at the same level. Mine was damaged at the C5-C6 level which is just about in the neck as you go down from the very top of your spine. Mine is considered incomplete in fact about the only injuries that are complete were caused by a gunshot or knifing.

You were correct about the sex but it's quite possible and can be very good. I have access to tapes and books about sexuality and cord injuries and with every woman that has asked I've been very open about it. The only real difference is that some positions are not physically possible but many are. It's one of those things that a couple has to experiment to find out what works. I did learn that most are worried about injuring me more and since they usually have to take what most consider the dominate position makes them leery and that it leaves me feeling less of a man which is far from the truth. One that did care quite a bit for me confessed that in all her years she had never been in that position. On sites like this one many are upfront and ask if I'm capable of sex and my answer is always yes. In fact my physical therapist stress to us that the brain is actually the largest sexual organ in the human body. She also stressed that there's always oral sex if one is having a bad day. I've probably written a little too much information here but it is hard to explain in just a few words.

No in fact you did very well. I'm not real familiar with spinal cord injury's which I'm sure that many here are not as well. It is always interesting to find out about different things. At times too many are afraid to ask such questions ......but are curious as well......

One of my step-sisters had a best friend that was in a wheelchair due to a car accident and was a quad. She in fact got married and had a child as well. So I do know that for many it does not effect them having a sexual relationship just there are some things they can or can not do.....

I don't have the stuff you went through which which so far you have really made it though in life awesome dude, i wouldn't know what to do if i was in that postion. for me im slow, im differently not the sharpest crane in the box. but not dumb. I have really hard time just carry on conversation to even writing on line who ever.. To even knowing what to say.. Mean i can come up with stuff but just whip de dfo friendly stuff to say.. Its hard for me be that different person got be on line draw that person.. specialy since hard for me chat with them as much.. so idk..

Like TexasGal said, anything is possible. My neighbor married his caretaker, and they recently had a child. He dove into the ocean some 18 years ago that incurred a spinal cord injury, quad like you.
Anything is possible. It's diffiuclt when you have a disability but not impossible. Just speaking from experience.