I am looking for thoughts on this topic. I tend to be long winded when explaining things or asking for help so bear with me.

I guess we need to start with a little background so the question can be understood. I got married eight years ago. I have known her for fifteen years now. When we got involved again eight years ago she had a baby and was pregnant (two different fathers). I have raised both boys as my own since birth. The older boy's father has passed away now, but he allowed me to adopt him many years back. The younger boy's father stayed involved with his son. My ex and I also share a daughter.

I am now in the middle of divorce. I want to keep the kids, I would be a better parent in many ways (I don't want to get into details here). The first problem is that I have no rights to my middle son. My ex is giving his biological father custody and he is moving back home to Maryland. My ex has agreed to allow me to keep my daughter, but I think she will fight me for our oldest son.

Does anyone have experience with children who are split up in a divorce process? The childrens ages are 5, 7, and 8. If I am able to keep custody of my daughter, should I do it if it means separating her from her brother?

Any thoughts or comments are appreciated.

Get a lawyer,
allow me to repeat myself,
Get a lawyer

definitely always use a lawyer in complicated situations


but from a parental perspective,, you unfortunatly dont have rights to the child of another unless they sign them over to you,,,,,if the relationship is good I would consider asking the custodial parent to continue allowing the children to be a part of each others life,,, ,,unless they are a prick, I dont see why this request would be unreasonable

When my parents got divorced my twin sister and i immediately choose sides ..... do miss my sister Alot but we talk often ..... visit as often as i can ..... know this isn't enough but just know i didn't wanna stay with my mom . mostly importantly you got to do what you think is best .

As the others said get a lawyer but if you in fact adopted the oldest one then you have the right to fight for him as well. And if I was you I would fight for him and your daughter if you feel that they would not be in a good environment staying with her. I'm sure that the one child that will be separated will have a hard time adjusting as well as the other two children. I would try to keep in contact with the other boys father and stay on good terms in order for the children to be able to see each other from time to time. In order to help them adjust the transaction.

But then a Lawyer will be able to tell you more as far as the laws within the area you live within.

Good luck in what ever choice you make.....but never leave a child with a parent if you think they will not be taken care of. Do all you can to keep them safe...

I do have a lawyer and am confident that I would be awarded custody if it came to a fight. I was more looking for opinions on the idea of the three kids going three separate ways. I am in contact with the biological father in MD and he will allow my son to see me and whichever siblings I end up with.

The thing I am having a hard time with is the idea that if I take my daughter but not my oldest son, they may not see each other anymore. I am planning on moving back home to MD and it would be a while before I could come back to TX to visit him and I am not sure my ex would make any attempt. I am worried about doing what is right for the kids, I do think my ex would take care of our son or I wouldn't even consider leaving him with her.

I don't know what would be the "right" thing to do.

Please get an attorney, but if you adopted the one child that makes you biological father and you should fight for the child and keep them together if you can. The MD thing maybe you can get visitation with an ATTORNEY.

Hummm well lets see if you in fact adopted the oldest one then you are his father how would the divorce make you any less therefore not feeling he should be with you as well.

I mean there has to be a reason she is giving up the middle child to his dad. That part just brings on the red flags to me and wonder if there is a reason for that one just don't give up their kids after being divorced for a while from their father....

So looks like to me you need to fight for your son and your daughter biological blood or not.

in the case of boys,, it is not necessarily suspect for their father to raise them,,,,my ex husband had our son during his middle school years,,,,

I think the law almost always gives priority to the biological parents unless someone is shown to be unfit and thats a hard case to prove,,,,courts usually try to keep children with their biological parents...

unless you know and can prove this father is abusive,, Id advise against stirring the boat with him by challenging his custody,,or you may end up completely out of the childs life,,,which is not the goal.

I'm going to suggest getting on the phone with a family counselor. The kids can't possibly come out of this without some psychological scars and it's best to try and make sure those don't get bigger as they get older. If they learn to deal with it starting when they're young they're less likely to develop bigger problems later.

I don't come from a divorced family, rather a single-parent family from the get-go, and I wish someone had set me up with that kind of thing early on.

Get a lwayer. Fight for the kids and get a lawyer. Even though you didn't adopt the middle one you might have rights as you've raised him for 8 years. The kids would be split anyways as the middle and youngest don't have the same father. if you really fel you will be best for them, fight for them. The kdis need to see you care enoguh to fight for them.

A therapist would be good too.

Even if you can't keep all 3 togther, keep the two you can and stay in contact w/ the 3rd and let the kids have the best relationship they can.