Get a lwayer. Fight for the kids and get a lawyer. Even though you didn't adopt the middle one you might have rights as you've raised him for 8 years. The kids would be split anyways as the middle and youngest don't have the same father. if you really fel you will be best for them, fight for them. The kdis need to see you care enoguh to fight for them.

A therapist would be good too.

Even if you can't keep all 3 togther, keep the two you can and stay in contact w/ the 3rd and let the kids have the best relationship they can.

You're not alone. A lot of kdis seem out of control at diferent times in their lifes. One of the first things that might help is gettign the baby sitters on the same page. If your child knows that any rules etc you use will go out the door once they go to grandma and grandpas they won't care. A lot of grandparents have a hard time enforcing discipline, but maybe having a sit down talk with them where youe xplain your rules and discipline might help.

I'm going through a divorce where the father is not supporting the kdis etc. Ca courts are not suppoused to judge the other parents ability to be a prent based on thier baility/willingness to support a child. Now weather the judge follows this is in the air. I would write the checks and make copies of them for your protection before giving them to your ex. You can ask for a mediator through the court to help you work out a custody/visitation arrangment that is best for your child. Bring up the issues of disparaging comments etc at this time and have it addressed in mediation. If youc an get documentaion on these isues get them. Any witness statements youc an get, get them as well. Parents that do this to their children do not have the kdis best intrest at haeart and are hurting their kids. If you can get an Atty do it. They'll help you eal w/ all the legal issues.