I planned on being done with this thread. But, Jill's right It had gotten so confusing that I thought it was the friend (Sandy) husband (Joe)that was cheating on the friend (sandy) with (Barb). Which would had been different than the original story. Also was under the impression from the OP that Jill knew Barb. Otherwise how would she known where to contacted her. So, I'm coming back to say because of all the confusion that I was wrong & to apologize for the misunderstanding. Now, I'm gone.

How much in the dark is Barb about this situation? If she still doesn't know, she NEEDS to be told NOW. Stranger or not. I doubt the marriage is fixable at this point. But I would also hate to see Joe and Sandy both get away with what they're doing, nothing to answer or atone for. Absolutely shameless and vile.

no! your involvement here ends with your friend...it has nothing to do with the wife, her children or anyone else. The best you can do is help your friend get this guy out of her life.

I truly have no idea how in the dark "barb" is... I don't know her. All I know of her are things I hear here and there. But, you can just take that as gossip. I have no opinion of her what so ever. She may know full well he's a cheater. She may know abosulty nothing. I am just assuming because of how much "Joe" lied to "Sandy" that he MUST be lying to "Barb" as well. If that makes sense!!

It's such a complicated drug out story. I so want to put it all behind me.

Hell. I don't know who Sandy or Joe is. Now I am really confused. Follow your heart honey..........

It makes sense. It seems that this is at least to me getting clearer and clearer. Look at all of the posts so far. More than a few are interested in this thread. So I'm gonna guess based on what you told me about Barb that you probably don't have her number, and probably not Joe's either, unless your friend Sandy gave it to you. Therefore you are left with confronting your friend Sandy that she ought to be ashamed, and if her friendship with you means anything to you, drop this guy now and burn the bridge behind her. Dust his azz. That seems the only way to me at this point.

I did tell Sandy she should be ashamed. The only way I could contact Barb is thru an email, she's on another social networking site, not naming any names lol So I would have to send her an email, from a person she doesn't know about her husband. The more and more I think about it, the less and less I want to be involved.

you could just make up an id for the purpose of mailing her and the ditch the user name at least then the woman can start opening her eyes to whats going on if shes unaware

e-mailing a spy report would be pretty bad or even useless. It would have to be a phone call or face to face. But since you are not able to do that, it would seem that the best thing is to turn the heat up on your friend, until she relents and releases this wretch she's cheating with.

yea, I did think about that... but then it seems so "fake" How much credibility would the email have with a fake name and all that behind it? IDK...

Okay, do you think she is going to believe you? Because if she doesn't, I can guarantee you will have found a new enemy. Rarely if ever do women who have kids with said man believe these types of things, hell, even most turn a blind eye when it is blatant in their face...tread lightly, Jill.

You go to the wife…she kicks him out…your friend is going to take him back.( By the way, she is not without guilt.)

Can you not see the writing on the wall here?

“He has nowhere else to go” “he still cares about me” “I still care about him”…

She was ok with him living there and she justified it by repeating his lies, “sleeps on the couch” yeah right! She knew, she just decided to put up with it in the hopes that he would leave his wife. Your friend just found this out, but she still has some contact with him so that tells me she is still attached. He will go to her because he knows this and she will now be able to say he left his wife. So she will take him back. Then he will work on getting you (the one who told on him and the one person who could ruin this relationship as well) out of his way. The cycle of revenge will just keep going until you have lost your friend. After all is said and done, she will side with the man she is sleeping with over you…

I've been telling Sandy since all this started years ago that she needs to talk to Barb. Find out what Barb knows. If Joe is telling you the truth, then you will know. If Joes lying, then you will both have the truth. She just won't talk to her.

if you know its while shes at work this is going on and mailed the woman at least she then could do some investigating to find out the truth

I didn't read through the pages so I'm going out on a limb and assuming that Sandy is your friend and Barb is the other woman, right? Well, anyway, Sandy needs to probably stay out of it for the same reason I noted above, worse, she is even more a target for making an enemy since she would have had "personal" relations with Joe.

If I confused the names just change them where you see fit, I'm tired, and my reading level is probably about at the attention span of a three year old child right now.

I absolutly agree my friend has plenty of fault here, and LOTS of denial to justify her actions. I have never agreed with this whole situation with her from day one. But she's my friend since we were in the 3rd grade and I love her. I love her enough to tell her when she's wrong, just like she would do to me.

My "hope" was if the wife threw him out over this, he would be to mad at "sandy" to even try to go back to her. But, who knows... such a messed up situation.

<---- wants to go back to farmville and quiet afternoons. I hate drama. There's been so much drama, just from the people around me lately, I just wanna hide in my house and never come out

Barricade the door and go under a bed, be sure to stuff pillows down there...it tends to get uncomfortable.

But she is still boinking Joe isn't she? I think I can read between the lines here. It's not over for those two, unless you achieve the desired result you want, which is to save your friend by getting her out of this, anyway you can. You can probably chastise her later, but the primary objective is get her out of this crap. If it takes 100 times, get her to leave him and never look back.