planet of the apes
you damn dirty ape

Daphne: What did the barmaid say?

Flynn the Fine: "Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh gods, yes."

Daphne: About Mort Kemnon, dumbass.

- The Gamers: Dorkness Rising

Gary: I'm a wild mage. WILD! But you losers can call me "sorceress".
That's right. I'm playing a chick.

Leo: Dude, you hot?

Gary: Seventeen charisma.

Leo: Wanna have sex?

Gary: Totally.

Leo: Great! I seduce him, uh her.

[Leo rolls his die]
Leo: Yes! I can totally seduce any homophobe with that roll!

Lodge: We *haven't* started yet. You guys *haven't* met!


- The Gamers: Dorkness Rising

Lodge: You can't use a lightsaber! It... it's not even the right system!

Cass: I see no lightsaber. That would be a copyright infringement. I see a psionic spirit blade.

- The Gamers: Dorkness Rising

Maj. Eugene Denton: Tanner this is Denton! This whole town is infested with killer cockroaches. I repeat: KILLER COCKROACHES!

- Damnation Alley

Little Girl: Are you God?

Lisa: Let's find out if he's even a doctor before we go promoting him, okay?

- The Omega Man

Robert Morgan: Another day to live through. Better get started.

- Last Man On Earth

[on their first date]

Chloe: So what do you do, Raymond?
Ray: I... shoot people for money.
Chloe: [smiling] What kinds of people?
Ray: Priests, children... you know, the usual.
Chloe: Is there a lot of money to be made in that business?
Ray: There is for priests. There isn't for children. So what is it you do, Chloe?
Chloe: I sell cocaine and heroin to Belgian film crews.
Ray: Do you?
Chloe: Do I look like I do?
Ray: You do, actually. Do I... look like I shoot people?
Chloe: No. Just children.

- In Bruges

Father, if I've learned anything over the years, it's that you never,
ever trust a corpse.

- I Sell The Dead

Willie: What you got there?

Arthur: Sandwich.

Willie: A what which?

Arthur: Sandwich. It's food.

Willie: Food.

Arthur: Two lumps of bread with something in the middle. It's genius.

Willie: Ah, it's queer.

Arthur: No, it's all right. You can put anything inside.

Willie: What's in it?

Arthur: Uh, looks like...

Willie: Like?

Arthur: Looks like it tastes better than it looks.

- I Sell The Dead

Dear Mom and Pop,
Steve Martin: Next week I should be able to send some extra money home, my girlfriend told me that I could have a blow job......

Chris Tucker in Rush hour, early in the movie he got beat up by some guy, and the guy was like "wipe yourself off, you're bleeding" later on in the movie Chris Tucker beats him and he's like "Wipe yourself off, you're dead"

Inigo Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Count Rugen: Stop saying that!

The Princess Bride

Detective Cameron: What is this? A homicide, or a bad B-movie?

- Night Of The Creeps

J.C. Hooper: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Do you think it's taking the Lord's name in vain to say "oh my God" a whole bunch of times really fast like that?

- Night Of The Creeps

Brad: Okay, so we put you up to it... but we said the Phi Omega Gamma house, *not* the Kappa Delta sorority. Do you know the difference?

Chris Romero: It's all Greek to me.


- Night Of The Creeps

Amos Hinchley: [giving eulogy for John F. Black] And so, my friends, we find ourselves gathered around the bier of Mrs... er... Mr... You Know Whom... this litter of sorrow, this cairn, this cromlech, this dread dochma, this gart, this mastaba, this sorrowing tope, this unhappy tumulus, this, this... what is the word?... this... er, coffin! Never could think of that word. Requiescat in Pace, Mr... um... Mr... the memory of your good deeds will not perish with your untimely sepulture.

- The Comedy Of Terrors

Jerry: Oh no you don't! Osgood, I'm gonna level with you. We can't get married at all.
Osgood: Why not?
Jerry: Well, in the first place, I'm not a natural blonde.
Osgood: Doesn't matter.
Jerry: I smoke! I smoke all the time!
Osgood: I don't care.
Jerry: Well, I have a terrible past. For three years now, I've been living with a saxophone player.
Osgood: I forgive you.
Jerry: [Tragically] I can never have children!
Osgood: We can adopt some.
Jerry: But you don't understand, Osgood!
[Pulls of wig]
Jerry: I'm a man!
Osgood: Well, nobody's perfect!

Some Like It Hot

Robot Guard: [after shooting at the Starchaser] That was just a warning shot. Reduce speed and prepare to be boarded.

Dagg: Don't bother with the shields. That bot's about to get a laser-enema.

- Starchaser: The Legend Of Orin

Kevin Hall: Judging from the difference between the three of you, I'd say your mother was mighty busy!

- Massacre In Dinosaur Valley