It is kind of funny that a couple of points popped up here. When does being arrogant, pushy and rude count as confidence?

I can't count the number of times I would confidently complain about an issue on say a remodel of a home, but being polite I let the homeowner or contractor have their way and be ignored, and when something goes wrong I just sit back and listen to all the whining. You have no idea HOW many times I have heard this in construction and in relationships, "I thought it would work." Andy's rule of life, and this one was a TOUGH one for me to learn, "Shut up and hear other people out for a change because sometimes they ARE right!"

This is my other one, "Put that God Damn Pride aside for a moment and make sure you are not getting yourself into trouble!" Everyone wants to be right so badly and this manifests in that whole "I love you," ""But I don't love YOU,"" situation we all have gotten into falling in love with someone who does not feel the same way about us.

Look, I knew a girl way back when who was a HOT red head I wanted to do it with something FIERCE but I "didn't speak Spanish." That was the only thing she said that prevented us from being more than friends. WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL she got involved with a Mexican guy who acted like he was living the thug life. Word came down a few months later she had died from a slip and fall in the bathtub. That was what he was swearing. Needless to say to this day I still think he killed her but hey, not my battle.

So I can say that there are many different ways to measure a man but the real question is by what yard stick? Yeah I hear money a lot. That is why I swear that if I am rich I will be a lot more trepidacious about serious relationships. The thing is many successful women fear getting into a relationship with a man who becomes a parasite. Now here is a picture I know you will really like...



Take a close look at the area near where the fish's anus would be which is after the bulging belly. See the bump that looks like a tumor? If you look closely you will see an eye. It looks vaguely like a fetus. That is a male deep sea Angler Fish attached to a female. The males of the species ARE parasites. This is not a pretty picture.

So many men like this either turn out to be parasitic insisting that the women are lucky to have him or they actually are really really GAY.

In all reality I just want to live a good life because I see people with a lot of money and they are more messed up than us poor folks!

Here is my yard stick with women...

Are they fat, because a. I am not into large love.(BBW) b. they can't take care of themselves. I could care less she makes more money than me, there is no excuse for obesity. I also don't buy that whole "I had children" excuse. I don't like it when women let themselves go.

Sub qualifier time! Not all women have the curves of Venus. I have friends that are big girls and don't have the classic curvatures that make men do double takes. One of them could Bench Press 300 pounds. One of my friends is married to a woman who is big but she works out hard and she is just built large. She is not fat. The woman is also one of the few people I really respect. She is very intelligent, a loving but strong mother, doesn't put up with her husband's **** (bear in mind he is one of my best friends) and self made and VERY successful. Needless to say she is a credit to femininity! Moving on to me again!

Does she have any talents? This one is like the most important thing to me. Many claim to be an artist but many people claim a lot of things. Can she sing for real, not like a bad version of Janis Joplin on Karaoke Tuesdays at Charlie Brown's because I can't stand women trying to imitate her. Fingernails on chalk board.

Does she do anything with her life? Now this one is a land mine issue! I can't count the number of times I have seen women go through this change where suddenly their whole life revolves around the children. That is reason NUMBER ONE men divorce their wives behind the reasons cited for our divorce rate! I do not like the whole Goo Goo Ga Ga way some chose to handle children. Don't get me wrong that children deserve to enjoy their childhoods but when a woman suddenly pulls that turn about on a man after marriage is unfair to the man. Responsibility is one thing but I am sure a lot of people out there get what I am trying to say. A woman who can have a career of some kind or be a successful artist and not give it up for her children is respectable and that is true strength that will be passed along to their children!

Does she speak her mind and how? Ladies, I know I am biting the *** of a tiger with this but it is one thing to rip my head off verbally behind the scenes especially when I got it coming behind closed doors is one thing but to light me up in public? That is asking for a sudden and hard backhand followed by a fist fight if she got up and went for some. Trust me, I have faced my share of "black belts." This goes with a personal issue I have. I have never hit a friend or family member since High School. I mean I never hit any friend or family member ever. If a woman I am in a relationship makes me so mad I hit her it is over between us. The relationship ends there. Family does not antagonize each other to that point. I should never hit the ones I love with one exception, I believe in spanking children when they cross certain lines. Yelling 'no' in my face is one of them.

Oddly if I was involved with a woman who was VERY practiced in Martial arts wanted me to spar with her to train and she insists I go at her with everything I got she will get her wish and likewise if she clocks me a good one I will not hold it against her. You know the dangers stepping onto the mat. That is the only exception.

Lastly is she a head case? God I do not want that in my life at all. That usually is associated to a drug addiction or some other nasty habit luring in the shadows. eccentric i.e. Tank Girl is one thing. I can appreciate punkers, goths (not the vampires! GOD What a turnoff!), wiccans, and the list goes on. I am talking about clinging ivy's with huge relationship issues, uber obsessive, and just plain "Jane Say's" (song by Jane's Addiction) spun out drug addicted head cases. I could say women who are overly wrapped up in religion also are head cases to me but it depends. Lifestyle is one thing, speaking in tongues and preaching all the time? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WAY Timmy!

I'm pretty flexible about a lot otherwise. I could care less about religion, just don't drag me into it.

My yardstick isn't unfair is it???

I wasn't being shallow, I was being a smartazz

Wow that was a lot to read Andy and yes not a pretty pic... lol


I don't think your yardstick is unfair... It's yours, it's what you want/need/desire... I think we all have to do/look for what works for us..

Individual women measure "success" differently. Learn to let go of your collectivist thought patterns and you will find enlightenment in understanding individual women (and people).

Wha???? Collectivist? How?????? Whoo???????? ME??????????????

seriously????????????????????????????????????????????????????

And.... Waiting for it!

Or at least quit blaming us for it. You guys are just as capable of saying no.

thinks its boils down security maturity & unconditional love for your family along with huge chunks of respect

success is whether he's achieved the goals which he set for himself.

True but they always change...........

Every woman is diff:

we look for all kinds of things.....

Really....

I make ALot of money. So when looking for a man that is somthing that really does not enter into it. I have mine. Just have a job is all!

I really really look at how he treats the women in his family. That tells a lot to me.

I also see how he reacts to my wild personlity- if he gets all stuffy I'm outa there if he laughs and shakes his head

and the sex thing IS important to me.....sorry


Then I like him!!!

by the thickness of his.........





















































wallet !

oook then

Aren't we suppossed to measure a guys success by the notches in his belt?

capable? yes.
allowed? not so sure.



. . .

yes, but what if he tries and fails? is trying enough?

i see a lot of women that say that they want a man with drive/ambition. as a person with very little of either, i don't understand. is being content with your position acceptable? or is that only reserved for the wealthy?


. . .

I look at how healthy and happy his children are.

If he hasnt had children,,,I look at how responsible, healthy and happy HE is.

<---------------completely unsuccessful.



. . .

some goals take longer than others....would him seriously trying to achieve those goals count as well?

I judge people's success, male and female, by how they overcome adversity. This means it's not about money, looks, intelligence, or status in this life. Success can only be meausured on an individual level, and is highly subjective.

A businessman that struggled growing up but now has amassed an empire can be successful. So can a poor single mother that has raised a fine young son. So can a former criminal that has overcome addiction and turned his life around to become a McDonald's employee. So can an overweight female that spends her days bringing smiles to the faces of neglected and abused children, because they don't care that she's fat and ugly, only that she loves them.

People are just people. Everybody is successful in their own way. It's just a matter of whether we are able to open our hearts and see the unique beauty in ALL people or we decide to base all of our judgements on what appears to the naked eye.

You ask how I judge a man's success? I don't. I ask him about his life. He's the only one that really knows. We live in a chaotic world. People have to play the hands they're dealt, which in my opinion means you're successful if you survive another day.

I guess what I'm trying to say in my usual long winded, convoluted way is that I honestly think it's not a matter of what you use for a yardstick, but that there shouldn't even be a yardstick. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!

while i don't think i'd count that as specifically and/or literally 'successful', i would say it speaks volumes about his character.



where does wealth fall into that equation? can't a man can have drive without meaning that he needs a six (or more) figure income?