1. Laundry has a tendency to pile up.

2. My friend's cat doesn't seem to appreciate the subtle nuances of my phony German accent.

3. No one to discuss Calabi-Yau manifolds with.

4. I have a bet with Harvey from TMZ that my next girlfriend will try to change me into a goat, the same as the previous 94 did, and I could really use the money.

5. A girlfriend is usually better than ulcerative colitis, unless she's the cause of it.

6. I need someone to nag me about not writing fast enough.

7. Other girls are always more interested in me when I'm with somebody. I still don't understand that one.

8. Since we've all accepted the obvious fact that the world is going to end in 2012, it would be nice to have one last shot at a relationship. Actually, that's enough time for me to have 5 or 6 more relationships if I operate using my standard timetables.

9. I'd like to have someone to leave all my money to, even though I don't have it yet.

10. I need someone to remind me when Dr. Who is on.

I took 4 years of Russian in high school, so I suspect that particular accent doesn't sound fake enough....!

Answer to items 1-10.

Hire a pro.

It's easier both on the wallet and the digestive system in the long run.

I'm thinking more along the lines of a "personal assistant," once I get important and famous enough to justify that sort of thing....

I wanted to take Russian in HS but not enough people signed up for it, so I took German instead.


I love DR WHO....the ones that were on in late 70's/80's...not the recent ones if there are any.



Used to watch it with my dad during summer when I was a kid.

Because SHE could help me SPELL....


Then I'd think she was SWELL...



But after a day, she'd tell me to go to hell..

I went to one of those "advanced" high schools where they offered German and Italian and Japanese and Latin and all kinds of languages. But I picked Russian for some reason. It was interesting, but it hasn't been particularly practical -- closest I ever got to Russia was Germany! Maybe one day....



They started it up again in 2005 with Christopher Eccleston as the Doctor for one season, then David Tennant took over.

Terry, spelling is one of the few things I really don't need help with....!

But I can think of a whole lot of other things I do need help with....I just can't find anybody suitable....!

So youre trying to tell me youre more "advanced" than the typical mingler ???

Is it any good now ???


I really liked it back then.I couldnt have been more than 9 or 10 at that time, but I loved it.

For my money the new ones are much better than the old ones.

The production values are MUCH better now. No more Daleks bumping into scenery or the monster's rubber mask sliding up his face and showing his all-too-human neck underneath!

I do have a special fondness for the old episodes, particularly the Troughton ones -- something about his Doctor just strikes me as "right" -- but Rose Tyler is enough to make me forget about all that!

Yeah, the old Doc sure does get the hotties.

If I was a guy, I'd rather hire a maid.

How about girlfriend/maid? Sort of a factotum. It would be good if she was a literary agent, too, and could play hockey. Good thing I'm not the demanding type.

Seinfeld did that, tried dating the maid. Only thing is she stopped cleaning and still wanted to be paid. So he ended up paying her for sex.....

Yeah, I remember that! From one minute to the next, he wasn't sure if she was girlfriend or maid!

But that was a TV sitcom -- I'm talking about my real life, which is more like an Osteo-Biflex commercial.

I think Fear is in contact with some hoodoo voodoo woman who can get you a hot, smart, laundry doing woman for only 19.95 USD, but supplies are limited and they don't keep long in that cardboard box, so you'd better act fast....

Special secret message to J.D. -- no, that is not a metaphor. Or maybe it could have been but it was meant to be more of a veiled innuendo. That sounds like pasta, doesn't it?

I already told him I wanted in on that deal, and he ignored me after that! Maybe he's low on inventory....