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| Topic: Guilty ot not? | |
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melding now? Beats weldin' ... 
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Well, lets start with a reference to one definition of Guilt
a feeling of culpability for offenses Guilt is a part of my life because I do take responsibility for those decisions I make which may aversely affect others or,,those decisions which I believe are sinful. I think the word GUILT comes with too much stigma for many,,just like the word BLAME. I choose to use the word responsibiity so as not to put anyone on the defensive. I dont BLAME people for things, but I do aknowledge peoples Responsibility for things that happen, just as I do my own. guilt blame responsibility, its tomato and tomahto depending on the spin.( but basically, its all the same). |
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Isn't guilt like regret?
If I haven't done anything I feel regretful over, then what would I have to be guilty of? Guilt is kinda like shutting the barn door after the horses got out. I do my best to think it through beforehand, so I don't have to afterwards when it's too late anyways. But then I believe in personal responsibility, even if I don't like the consequences. |
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Isn't guilt like regret? If I haven't done anything I feel regretful over, then what would I have to be guilty of? Guilt is kinda like shutting the barn door after the horses got out. I do my best to think it through beforehand, so I don't have to afterwards when it's too late anyways. But then I believe in personal responsibility, even if I don't like the consequences. I regret my marriage not working, I take responsibility for my part in why it didnt work. That regret, remorse, responsbility,,(whatever we call it) goes a long way towards ensuring I dont repeat the mistakes/offenses. If I felt no remorse/regret I would have no reason to not continue with the same behaviors. |
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Isn't guilt like regret? If I haven't done anything I feel regretful over, then what would I have to be guilty of? Guilt is kinda like shutting the barn door after the horses got out. I do my best to think it through beforehand, so I don't have to afterwards when it's too late anyways. But then I believe in personal responsibility, even if I don't like the consequences. I regret my marriage not working, I take responsibility for my part in why it didnt work. That regret, remorse, responsbility,,(whatever we call it) goes a long way towards ensuring I dont repeat the mistakes/offenses. If I felt no remorse/regret I would have no reason to not continue with the same behaviors. The majority of people I know who live with regrets tend to wallow in them. Life and lessons happen, one hopefully learns from them. If one doesn't it comes around again. I don't see that as regret, but as a fact of life. I don't regret my 4 years with the ex, no matter how bad it went, but I have learned from it. I know what to look for and what to stay away from. I do believe that it was meant to happen for a reason, and did. Even now, when I'd gladly shoot him dead, I don't regret that time. But he knows I'd have no hesitation shooting him, and that's his lesson. |
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Yeah, I dont regret my marriage either, I regret that it did not work.
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I mentioned this in a thread last evening and it got me wondering how many of us 'do' guilt often? I live so as to avoid doing guilt. The choices I make, how I treat people and how I allow myself to be treated, how honest I am and how fair I try to be, how having learned to say no, are a few ways that a lot of years of practicing to live guilt free have led me to a life that I feel good about. I have been doing this for so long now that it had to come up in a thread for me to conscientiously think about it. And you??   So sorry Sea, about the turn of events there. Thankfully guilt hasn't been a big part of my life, except when a child. Learning to say no was the big one for me also, first it was...'can I think about it' and before that would say yes and then make a excuse later not to do. I feel if we sincerely are doing the best we can, not taking shortcuts because we are too tired or don't feel like it, there is a twinge on the consience. Like you...learned to avoid doing that- altho didn't make a habit of it, now always try to live my life with honor and humilty, honesty while being more tactful (that was a tough one to learn, still is at times  ) but when fail...it wasn't because didn't try. I won't lie to someone, may go out of the way not to answer a question that would hurt someone if they don't really need to know but if I did do something, own up right away. My boss was so used to people screwing up before I got there, she'd get all mad and be "Who did this" and I say I did, and here's why. Now she's gotten to trust me and things are going well, for both of us. Luckily, also learned a long tme ago to treat others like I would like to be treated, even strangers. (and no, am not plugging for the Random Acts of Kindness poster girl  ) . Nice to see you bring this up, kinda like a check in and review to see how we're doing. Kinda suspected that you are like that tho Thanks Shasta but no problem, threads often seem to take on a life of their own, sometimes I guess it is because the topic got people thinking. I actually had dinner guest last evening so had to log off, was surprised to see this morning how this thread had grown! May we all have a good day today! |
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Isn't guilt like regret? If I haven't done anything I feel regretful over, then what would I have to be guilty of? Guilt is kinda like shutting the barn door after the horses got out. I do my best to think it through beforehand, so I don't have to afterwards when it's too late anyways. But then I believe in personal responsibility, even if I don't like the consequences. This is it for me - the thinking first part! If we think and act accordingly, even if someone or ourselves is adversely effected - we tried to do the best thing given the circumstances, so even if the out come is not ideal - we do not need to feel guilty. None of us is ever going to be able to make everyone happy every time there is a choice to be made. Again learning to say no was a big life lesson for me as some of you have talked about...saying yes when you know you can't or won't is just a way to end up wallowing in guilt! Thanks to all for this interesting conversation! |
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I rarely feel guilty and I don't have any regrets.
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I have felt guilty not putting a few dollars in the salvation army pales, but then I remember I spent over a hundred dollars on two poor kids from the salvo program who are not my children. Considering I am borderline poverty already, I try not to feel bad. I do community service too and I tentatively will extend my hand out to help strangers in need with nothing to gain but the good feeling I get helping.
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I rarely feel guilty and I don't have any regrets. |
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I rarely feel guilty and I don't have any regrets. Why is that? I'm supposed to feel guilty because others say I should? Am I supposed to regret things because that's what other people do? Why? |
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rarely feel guilty and I don't have any regrets.
^It sounds if you are not perceptive to your surroundings? ^on the contrary, if a person has done all they could do to the best of their ability, why have guilt, as I stated earlier, guilt is equivalent to nothing less than emotional insecurity, cut and dry...If you feel you haven't done enough, then you probably haven't..... as to failed marriages, hmmm. you aren't responsible for the others actions, only your reaction.....we love guilt, it helps us keep beating ourselves up even more then we initially intended.....read the book I'm ok you're ok, by Dick Gregory, you'll feel less guilt, I promise you.... |
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Edited by
singmesweet
on
Wed 12/30/09 06:40 AM
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^on the contrary, if a person has done all they could do to the best of their ability, why have guilt, as I stated earlier, guilt is equivalent to nothing less than emotional insecurity, cut and dry...If you feel you haven't done enough, then you probably haven't..... You've got it. Why should I feel guilty if I've done what I can do? |
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I rarely feel guilty and I don't have any regrets. Why is that? I'm supposed to feel guilty because others say I should? Am I supposed to regret things because that's what other people do? Why? |
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I rarely feel guilty and I don't have any regrets. Why is that? I'm supposed to feel guilty because others say I should? Am I supposed to regret things because that's what other people do? Why? Which is exactly why I don't feel guilty and don't have regrets. |
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rarely feel guilty and I don't have any regrets. ^It sounds if you are not perceptive to your surroundings? ^on the contrary, if a person has done all they could do to the best of their ability, why have guilt, as I stated earlier, guilt is equivalent to nothing less than emotional insecurity, cut and dry...If you feel you haven't done enough, then you probably haven't..... as to failed marriages, hmmm. you aren't responsible for the others actions, only your reaction.....we love guilt, it helps us keep beating ourselves up even more then we initially intended.....read the book I'm ok you're ok, by Dick Gregory, you'll feel less guilt, I promise you.... |
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I detached myself fromguilt a long time ago, I was one of those overachievers with guilt. I was always apologizing for everything even when it wasn't my fault.
If I make a mistake I apologoize and move on, I'm not gonna feel guilty over something that was just a mistake. I also don't feel guilt when telling the truth, no matter if it hurts someones feeling or not. If you don't want to hear the truth, don't ask me lol. I do not regret any of my relationships, they helped lead me to where I am today. Guilt/regret just lead to more guilt and regret. |
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I think it's interesting that some people seem to assume that others are not doing enough in their life if they don't feel guilty. Why is that? Do some people assume that all should feel guilty about certain things?
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Guilt is good when you've wronged another person if it causes you to right the situation. But, that's where it should end. Once you say you're sorry or try to make ammends as best you can, if the injured party continually throws it back in your face then they are now "guilty" of using guilt to manipulate you and that is wrong.
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