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| Topic: Being friends with an ex | |
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Why do people do it?..Is it just to be nice?..is it in hopes that the spark you lost for each other will come back?..Orrrrrrr maybe just sheer boredem..lol. I talk to an ex every now and then but I swear everytime leaves me wondering.."Why the hell do you put yourself through that?"..lol.I have yet to come up with an answer. For the children and family. |
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well i think that people r friends with their x's for various reasons.
one could be the kids. i propose that kids need their fathers, and sometimes in order to get the child support in a timely fashion, u better be nice to the x. he/she has the power/money.... then, i read somewhere about someone who was always sabotaging her new relationship, and that of her x's in order to be in control, and she/he boinked them now and then while they were on the back burner... now i ask "how sane is that"? and finally, well if keeping in touch with the x is so important and keeping the peace, my last question would be "why in the hell did u get a divorce in the first place"? think about it... for the kids, to keep control and not let go,..can't get along, but sure can boink....something wrong with this px.... 
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well i think that people r friends with their x's for various reasons. one could be the kids. i propose that kids need their fathers, and sometimes in order to get the child support in a timely fashion, u better be nice to the x. he/she has the power/money.... then, i read somewhere about someone who was always sabotaging her new relationship, and that of her x's in order to be in control, and she/he boinked them now and then while they were on the back burner... now i ask "how sane is that"? and finally, well if keeping in touch with the x is so important and keeping the peace, my last question would be "why in the hell did u get a divorce in the first place"? think about it... for the kids, to keep control and not let go,..can't get along, but sure can boink....something wrong with this px.... Not all of us are divorced. Personally I think it shows a bit of maturity to be able to remain friends with an ex, the past is the past...seems too many people in this thread have a hard time realizing that. I hate losing friends over a breakup anyway, seems childish... |
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well i think that people r friends with their x's for various reasons. one could be the kids. i propose that kids need their fathers, and sometimes in order to get the child support in a timely fashion, u better be nice to the x. he/she has the power/money.... then, i read somewhere about someone who was always sabotaging her new relationship, and that of her x's in order to be in control, and she/he boinked them now and then while they were on the back burner... now i ask "how sane is that"? and finally, well if keeping in touch with the x is so important and keeping the peace, my last question would be "why in the hell did u get a divorce in the first place"? think about it... for the kids, to keep control and not let go,..can't get along, but sure can boink....something wrong with this px.... Not all of us are divorced. Personally I think it shows a bit of maturity to be able to remain friends with an ex, the past is the past...seems too many people in this thread have a hard time realizing that. I hate losing friends over a breakup anyway, seems childish... I am in agreement with this statement. 
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I talk to my ex husband- he is a very nice guy- very different now- but we have both grown up and moved on and there isn't anything between us now- we are just friends. I like talking to him now - he is nicer, more humble. I don't want him back!!! EWWWW!- that ship sailed but I enjoy our occasional chats! THANK YOU! I'm not the only one here that can get along with the ex. I realized a long time ago that I was no longer in love with my ex....then we both realized that we no longer had to bicker , fight and fuss.....and how much easier and lovely is both our lives!! I do however get along with him and his new wife. We all can hang out have a few beers and chill....NO fights....no drama....we all get along. Its great....the kids love it...I love it....he loves it...his wife is happy we are not fighting any more!!....she is cool too I know its not the typical standard in todays society to get along that well with the ex....but it works out for all of us and I'm thankful that after all the divorce nightmare stuff we all can be at peace with what we have established. I wish everyone could get to that point of peacefulness with the ex. Hanging onto hate and anger just is not healthy...I think my ex and I finally realized that. We no longer had a reason to fight....we both wanted to be happy....and we knew it was not with each other. So we moved on....and get along fine now. |
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The mother of my kids and i get along
We work together for the kids That is the only reason and we're clear on that The past is gone and our kids is what we care about |
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to the OP: I would hope so... we grew up together and you can only do that once... time will tell I guess.
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"not all of us r divorced,,,,,,,and personally it takes a bit of maturity.....to stay friends,,,, or something like that...."
i wrote my answer from the perspective of a divorced woman who for years tried to stay friends with the x because of a beautiful little girl who identified strongly with her father...he was the love of her life, and his presence in her life meant so much to her growth and development. this man was a teacher, an inspiration to other youth so to speak. after not wanting to pay child support because it would benefit me, the x wife, his mother got involved, and i got my child support. in those days, in Cali, it was $75 and now is up to $225 I am guessing per child, along with medical, clothes, and so on. then, so to sabotage our family life, he planted anger and hate in his daughter's head, that her mother was the one who was responsible for the divorce, when in fact it was the other way around. the only good thing out of this whole affair, is that he supported his daughter, and when it came time to pay for her college, and wedding, he did it. for by this time, he recognized the benefits of doing this, and looking the part of the good guy. you can all say that this post was written with some hate, but it is motivated by the truth. the past is never gone, and as long as you are communicating with your x, it, the past, is right in the middle of everything. |
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My ex and I broke up at a time in his life when we had grown apart. Staying friends allowed us to work together in the best possible way in raising our son and it also helps the healing process for past wrongs(in my opinion, of course). Actually, my ex and I are different people now then we were over a decade ago when we broke up,,and he isnt looking too shabby a prospect these days,,lol. We were the best of friends before anything else and that respect never completely left. I think friends always have the potential to become lifemates.
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i have a 7 yr old son....it just makes life easier to remain friendly with one another
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ex for a reason
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"not all of us r divorced,,,,,,,and personally it takes a bit of maturity.....to stay friends,,,, or something like that...." i wrote my answer from the perspective of a divorced woman who for years tried to stay friends with the x because of a beautiful little girl who identified strongly with her father...he was the love of her life, and his presence in her life meant so much to her growth and development. this man was a teacher, an inspiration to other youth so to speak. after not wanting to pay child support because it would benefit me, the x wife, his mother got involved, and i got my child support. in those days, in Cali, it was $75 and now is up to $225 I am guessing per child, along with medical, clothes, and so on. then, so to sabotage our family life, he planted anger and hate in his daughter's head, that her mother was the one who was responsible for the divorce, when in fact it was the other way around. the only good thing out of this whole affair, is that he supported his daughter, and when it came time to pay for her college, and wedding, he did it. for by this time, he recognized the benefits of doing this, and looking the part of the good guy. you can all say that this post was written with some hate, but it is motivated by the truth. the past is never gone, and as long as you are communicating with your x, it, the past, is right in the middle of everything. You wrote your answer from your own perspective and laid generalizations upon everyone else solely based off your perspective and what you have gone through. The past can be left behind, just takes someone to realize it needs to be left behind. Personally, I don't care what you think and what your opinion is for the most part. I just don't accept over-generalizations which in turn make me a "bad" person because I choose to stay comfortable with my ex's, they started as friends for a reason and it is our choice to keep it that way. I find it funny in a paradox sense that for the most part everyone is arguing about the past being the past and breaking up for a reason yet cannot for just a simple paragraph let go of the anger and rage they feel for their ex. I wish not to partake in that silly bit of hypocrisy. |
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I can not be friend with my Exes because every Ex has her own story .
Once it is over it is history and life keeps on going . Of course we are not enemies and we do not wish harm or unhappiness for one another . Friendship is more than being nice to one another . |
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i think u should be a little more respectful and u know who i am directly this to as we r not allowed to use names.
it is okay to state our opinions on this site, cause that is what they r opinions based on personal fact which could be the truth. however, i could be lying...and u will never know.. my vantage was from that of someone that went through 40 years of hell with an x all in the name of trying to be friendly, and keep the peace for a child. in the end, it did me no good. now when u get to be my age which is older than dirt, i think maybe you might have some experience to draw from. until then, don't pick on me for stating what i said was a real life experience. if i offended you, i am truly sorry. duffy |
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I get along with both my ex and I love my new wife or should I say his new wife. It all gets so confusing, LOL.
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I don't see anything wrong with someone being friends with their ex, it's not my business what other people do. I choose to not be friends with any of my ex's. I don't like who they are as people, I don't like how they treated me during the "relationship," I don't like how any of them ended things, in short, I don't hate them or have bad feelings about them, but I don't see the point of being friends with them. I'm friends with people I respect as individuals and who bring some sort of pleasantry to my life. Perhaps if we had parted civilly, and everyone decided, "hey, you're a great person, we'd be best at friends, not sexually" maybe I'd think differently, but that's not the case. And no, I'm not bitter or angry, I never think of them unless someone brings them up, they are in my past for a reason, and I like it that way.
I understand divorced people with children who attempt being civil when they communicate about the kids, but otherwise, for me, there would be no point. But like I said, it's not my business what others do, and as long as I'm not affected in some way, I really don't care. |
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Almost 1 and 1/2 years ago, my last wife finally left. Almost 2 years ago to the day (12/17) we agreed that our marriage was over. She is one of two women I know I'll always love. As for anything in the future, that's non-existent.
By chance, I met someone a few days after she left, and didn't like her or her ghetto like attitude. Today, I know I'll always love her too, no matter how pissy I get about where we are sometimes. She's been a part of my life now for about a year and there's nothing I wouldn't do to keep her and her family safe and happy. What's especially different about this current interest is the apparent total lack of jealousy. It's probably because it's all too clear that I can't take any woman seriously except for her, no matter how hard I protest, hence, purgatory. |
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i think u should be a little more respectful and u know who i am directly this to as we r not allowed to use names. it is okay to state our opinions on this site, cause that is what they r opinions based on personal fact which could be the truth. however, i could be lying...and u will never know.. my vantage was from that of someone that went through 40 years of hell with an x all in the name of trying to be friendly, and keep the peace for a child. in the end, it did me no good. now when u get to be my age which is older than dirt, i think maybe you might have some experience to draw from. until then, don't pick on me for stating what i said was a real life experience. if i offended you, i am truly sorry. duffy Didn't call anyone names. However, if we are taking this 'attacking' stance let us do it properly...shall we? "they r opinions based on personal fact which could be the truth. however, i could be lying...and u will never know.." "when u get to be my age which is older than dirt, i think maybe you might have some experience to draw from." Just for you to note, I didn't attack your opinion. I jumped on the fact that you quoted my post to drill your own story, which wasn't the point of the post...hence the "not everyone". You had a bad experience, everyone has bad experiences, just seems that less and less people are willing to let go of what is and what isn't and move on from the useless show of anger and petty emotions. If you can't move on, whatever, I don't care...like I stated. However, when what happened to you means you will generalize everyone else into the same pool that creates problems. I understand you had a bad divorce, hard to say any of them are good really, but to go solely off that one perspective when looking at the entire broad story is limiting at best. Don't chastise me by flying the age flag because you had a bad experience and I've been able to sidestep them, your choices are not my choices and the decisions I can assure you are nowhere near identical...can't just pull the age card because you think you are right. |
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okay so u figured out i was talking 2 u. smart cookie...
u r 24 years old, and i am over the grapevine......kindasorta u like insects, serial killers but hate mass murderers. me, i have no opinion on those subjects. however, i do not care for black widow spiders. AND u don't care about my opinions and what i think....u said, and i used your quote to support my own theories....um don't think so... Read this part carefully... furthermore i am going to pull the age card, and fly that flag because it does have some merit and weight, dearie. let us c how u feel about 40 years from now after u have been burned a few....and have rug rats where u have to go collect the support. course i will be dust, and not on this planet, so it is all a wash.  |
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I won't be in the position...I have this uncanny ability to learn from other peoples mistakes. Weird, isn't it?
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