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| Topic: Unproductive Thoughts | |
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Let it shine girlfriend   I am very proud of myself!  I am proud of you too
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Edited by
FearandLoathing
on
Tue 09/29/09 05:40 PM
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Love isn't for everyone, sissy or not. Kind of a generalization chalking them all up as sissies...some people don't want love for any number of reasons, doesn't mean they are in anyway cowards or sissies, just means they want nothing to do with it. Of course this is under the veil that love exists, which I'm thoroughly convinced it does not. (Sighs deeply) I often make speak generally. I do because the things I'm saying are GENERALLY true. If there are exceptions, that doesn't change the fact that is is true MOST of the time. Even a broken clock is right twice a day. If this isn't you, fine. But, it is MOST people in this situation. If it bothers you maybe you should think about why that is. I don't think a statement like this bothers people it doesn't apply to. They see the humor of it. It only troubles people when it hits a little too close to home. I don't care about you or your sentiment, I was just saying it was a general statement and least of all things love cannot be generalized. Personally, I don't think love exists so obviously the statement does not apply to me... |
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The purpose of the thread isn't necessarily about love, but about changing behavior.
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I don't care about you or your sentiment, I was just saying it was a general statement and least of all things love cannot be generalized. Personally, I don't think love exists so obviously the statement does not apply to me... If it doesn't apply to you why go to the trouble of quoting and rebutting me? "Love" is simply a chemical reaction happening in the brain. It can be measured. It is real. And there is a pattern to it. If you look for it you can see and understand it. Becoming social (allowing people to love you) is a skill that can be learned. If you go out and talk to 20 strangers a day for a year you will learn how to communicate better with others. Humans are all unique. However, we have more in common than we have different. We all want the same things. We all have the same needs. Maslow taught us that. So yes, it is true we can generalize about people and love and still be accurate. |
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Very wise words TS..well said
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I don't care about you or your sentiment, I was just saying it was a general statement and least of all things love cannot be generalized. Personally, I don't think love exists so obviously the statement does not apply to me... If it doesn't apply to you why go to the trouble of quoting and rebutting me? "Love" is simply a chemical reaction happening in the brain. It can be measured. It is real. And there is a pattern to it. If you look for it you can see and understand it. Becoming social (allowing people to love you) is a skill that can be learned. If you go out and talk to 20 strangers a day for a year you will learn how to communicate better with others. Humans are all unique. However, we have more in common than we have different. We all want the same things. We all have the same needs. Maslow taught us that. So yes, it is true we can generalize about people and love and still be accurate. Because quoting you took five minutes and I have that kind of time. It doesn't apply to me because I don't believe love exists. |
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Because quoting you took five minutes and I have that kind of time. It doesn't apply to me because I don't believe love exists. So, Love is simply a conspiracy of romance novelists? |
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Because quoting you took five minutes and I have that kind of time. It doesn't apply to me because I don't believe love exists. So, Love is simply a conspiracy of romance novelists? No...people did well enough making it up without an author's help. |
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BRAVO!!!!!! This is very very true.... 2. The only thing you can control/change/make are your own actions/behaviors/thoughts. You can't make someone care for you as much as you do them (and how could you really know that). You can't make someone 'love' you. Having unproductive thoughts/irrational thoughts will just project a negative vibe/self-image. This will only further push people away from you. Recognize them and let them go! Then you will be able to live in the moment and enjoy yourself. Good luck to you my friend.. God bless! M |
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Unproductive thoughts: Does he/she like me as much as I like them? Will he/she break my heart? Will he/she leave me? Is he/she telling me the truth? Did he/she just use me (for sex/money/whatever)? I'd call those insecurity thoughts. Will I ever meet anyone that will love me? I am not good enough, why am I not good enough? I must have done something wrong! Why am I being ignored? Most people who make those aren't unproductive, but trying to get some attention. 3. Knowing that part of it maybe you. If you are being overemotional and overthinking and having unproductive thoughts. Determine where that is coming from... something in your past and/or a pattern of behavior. Acknowledge it... and you just might be able to move forward. Having unproductive thoughts/irrational thoughts will just project a negative vibe/self-image. This will only further push people away from you. Recognize them and let them go! Then you will be able to live in the moment and enjoy yourself. While it's true that negative thoughts sends off negative vibes, sometimes a person can be the most positive, but the reasons of being "alone" or single can arise from other sources. There is too much emphasis going on about negativity as like the only reason why someone is not happy or single or feel lonely. This would lead to make others believe, that "he is lonely because he is negative" or "he is single, because he or she is having unproductive thoughts". I've seen it and to tell you the truth, it makes a group reaction against one, because they think they know it better and gang up on the individual with their advices, which all basically say "stop being negative". There is the so-called effect of "needing a shoulder to cry on", because many people who live alone and can't complain to anyone else ends up complaining here, because he/she feels like others are listening. The worst advice you can give is "you're negative, and that's why" - instead of just listen and acknowledge to him or her that you are listening. That's what many just want no more, not criticism or group peer pressure to change his or her ways. The worst thing others can do to the other is having someone with an emotional problem (which are temporary 99% of the time) and making that person feel pushed out and not being part of the "happy group". Many of those people aren't looking for an advice, but when someone tells them that "they've been there" and "I hear you", it gives them comfort knowing that he or she is not alone and his/her problems are not unique and he(she) is not weird and neither ugly, those are not the reasons of why or what happened. |
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 I don't like wearing panties when I don't have too,  Very good |
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I don't like wearing panties when I don't have too, Very good 
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BRAVO!!!!!! This is very very true.... 2. The only thing you can control/change/make are your own actions/behaviors/thoughts. You can't make someone care for you as much as you do them (and how could you really know that). You can't make someone 'love' you. Having unproductive thoughts/irrational thoughts will just project a negative vibe/self-image. This will only further push people away from you. Recognize them and let them go! Then you will be able to live in the moment and enjoy yourself. Good luck to you my friend.. God bless! M Thanks! |
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No...people did well enough making it up without an author's help. Maybe the trouble here is that I'm using the term "love" a little loosely. It's my feeling that when most people say love they really mean attraction. I agree that the kind of love we dream about having as children likely doesn't exist. The fairy tale, happily ever after kind. However, I think we can agree that attraction is a real emotion and happens all the time. It's this feeling that people are sometimes afraid to follow. And they must overcome this fear in order to "fall in love" and have a happy, healthy relationship. This is what I meant when I said "love isn't for sissies." |
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Unproductive thoughts: Does he/she like me as much as I like them? Will he/she break my heart? Will he/she leave me? Is he/she telling me the truth? Did he/she just use me (for sex/money/whatever)? I'd call those insecurity thoughts. Will I ever meet anyone that will love me? I am not good enough, why am I not good enough? I must have done something wrong! Why am I being ignored? Most people who make those aren't unproductive, but trying to get some attention. 3. Knowing that part of it maybe you. If you are being overemotional and overthinking and having unproductive thoughts. Determine where that is coming from... something in your past and/or a pattern of behavior. Acknowledge it... and you just might be able to move forward. Having unproductive thoughts/irrational thoughts will just project a negative vibe/self-image. This will only further push people away from you. Recognize them and let them go! Then you will be able to live in the moment and enjoy yourself. While it's true that negative thoughts sends off negative vibes, sometimes a person can be the most positive, but the reasons of being "alone" or single can arise from other sources. There is too much emphasis going on about negativity as like the only reason why someone is not happy or single or feel lonely. This would lead to make others believe, that "he is lonely because he is negative" or "he is single, because he or she is having unproductive thoughts". I've seen it and to tell you the truth, it makes a group reaction against one, because they think they know it better and gang up on the individual with their advices, which all basically say "stop being negative". There is the so-called effect of "needing a shoulder to cry on", because many people who live alone and can't complain to anyone else ends up complaining here, because he/she feels like others are listening. The worst advice you can give is "you're negative, and that's why" - instead of just listen and acknowledge to him or her that you are listening. That's what many just want no more, not criticism or group peer pressure to change his or her ways. The worst thing others can do to the other is having someone with an emotional problem (which are temporary 99% of the time) and making that person feel pushed out and not being part of the "happy group". Many of those people aren't looking for an advice, but when someone tells them that "they've been there" and "I hear you", it gives them comfort knowing that he or she is not alone and his/her problems are not unique and he(she) is not weird and neither ugly, those are not the reasons of why or what happened. Thanks for the words of advice there, 'Dr. Phil' |
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Okay... I know I know... I am usually the first person to say 'be happy with yourself first' and 'have your **** together' before having a relationship... etc etc But we all have some kind of baggage. We have all had hurt in the past. And emotional memories are one of the strongest memories to be imprinted in us and the most easiest to recall. So with that said... what happens? We met someone and it was fun and great and has potential, right? Then it starts.... The self-doubt, questioning and unproductive thoughts! Unproductive thoughts are those that usually stir up an emotional response and will lead to irrational thoughts. Unproductive thoughts: Does he/she like me as much as I like them? Will he/she break my heart? Will he/she leave me? Is he/she telling me the truth? Did he/she just use me (for sex/money/whatever)? Then this stirs up an emotional response... crying, withdrawl, depression, etc Then the irrational thoughts begin... Will I ever meet anyone that will love me? I am not good enough, why am I not good enough? I must have done something wrong! Why am I being ignored? So... why am I posting this? Partly because I have come to my own personal epithany and have come to terms with all this. 1. Love yourself. If you don't love yourself or are unhappy, you will not find this in another. (Which I have been saying for a long time!) 2. The only thing you can control/change/make are your own actions/behaviors/thoughts. You can't make someone care for you as much as you do them (and how could you really know that). You can't make someone 'love' you. 3. Knowing that part of it maybe you. If you are being overemotional and overthinking and having unproductive thoughts. Determine where that is coming from... something in your past and/or a pattern of behavior. Acknowledge it... and you just might be able to move forward. Having unproductive thoughts/irrational thoughts will just project a negative vibe/self-image. This will only further push people away from you. Recognize them and let them go! Then you will be able to live in the moment and enjoy yourself. Secondly, thank you to ArtGurl and Gossipmpm for providing some insight... it definately helped to have your prespective. As I was told by ArtGurl (paraphrased) put on your big girl panties and now that you can handle whatever happens. Preach it,,,,couldnt agree more. |
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No...people did well enough making it up without an author's help. Maybe the trouble here is that I'm using the term "love" a little loosely. It's my feeling that when most people say love they really mean attraction. I agree that the kind of love we dream about having as children likely doesn't exist. The fairy tale, happily ever after kind. However, I think we can agree that attraction is a real emotion and happens all the time. It's this feeling that people are sometimes afraid to follow. And they must overcome this fear in order to "fall in love" and have a happy, healthy relationship. This is what I meant when I said "love isn't for sissies." I agree attraction is generally of the first components of love. The idea of "falling in love" has to do with trusting another individual where you have no previous ties to them or their welfare. Love usually occurs within families because their is ties... bonds... caring for the welfare of family members... etc. Love with a stranger does at times seem scary cause we are trusting an 'unknown' person with our well-being. And if we didn't have strong love bonds in the familial area, this may cause use to not easily bond with a stranger. Now granted this is all situational. However, I really think my focus on starting this thread is to examine one's own responsiblity in behavior, past traumas/negativities and current behavior to see, where they can make changes. And in doing so might facility a healthy relationship and break some behaviorial patterns that might have developed from past experiences. |
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Edited by
TxsSun
on
Tue 09/29/09 08:34 PM
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"Having unproductive thoughts/irrational thoughts will just project a negative vibe/self-image. This will only further push people away from you. Recognize them and let them go! Then you will be able to live in the moment and enjoy yourself." Fantastic advise. That is exactly what happened in my last relationship. My own unproductive thoughts.... It is easier to say to recognize them and let them go, than it is to do. JMO But I will say, I live by this daily and it doesn't work. So therefore, I will remain single, it is much easier that way. |
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"Having unproductive thoughts/irrational thoughts will just project a negative vibe/self-image. This will only further push people away from you. Recognize them and let them go! Then you will be able to live in the moment and enjoy yourself." Fantastic advise. That is exactly what happened in my last relationship. My own unproductive thoughts.... It is easier to say to recognize them and let them go, than it is to do. JMO I know it's not easy! Believe me. But the more you learn to recognize them, the easier it will be to talk yourself out of them, instead of feeding them. I am still having unproductive thoughts in regards to the new relationship that I am entering into, but I am not an emotional wreck! I am not trying to reflect them on him or seek his validation or reassurance for my 'insecurities' (as mentioned by another poster). Self-reflection, journaling, meditating and other behavior recognition activities could help with this. |
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"Having unproductive thoughts/irrational thoughts will just project a negative vibe/self-image. This will only further push people away from you. Recognize them and let them go! Then you will be able to live in the moment and enjoy yourself." Fantastic advise. That is exactly what happened in my last relationship. My own unproductive thoughts.... It is easier to say to recognize them and let them go, than it is to do. JMO But I will say, I live by this daily and it doesn't work. So therefore, I will remain single, it is much easier that way. It may take some time... And there is nothing wrong with seeking professional advice/therapy. And recognizing and finding creative outlets for those thought trains might lend you to disperse them. |
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